me and my partner have different ideas about our future, help?

Question

I already have a 6 year old son from a previous relationship, and my boyfriend is supposed to be moving in with us next month. The problem is he keeps pressuring me to get a job, he does not want to be the sole provider and he brings this up all the time. I on the other hand want to be there for my son when he gets home from school, help him with his homework, cook tea, be a good mum. I also want to have another baby in the near future as a 7 year age gap between siblings is long enough. I told him that i might study while my son is at school for a year and he said Ok, but the next day he started going on about me getting a job so we can go on holiday this year and when i remind him he goes in a mood and says just forget about it then. What can i do, i want to make him happy! but i also want to be happy. whenever we see each other we always end up talking about money issues as he has just left university and is yet to get a job too. Any advice please?

Answer 1

How are you supporting yourself now without an income? Do you get assistance from the government? If so I am glad that when I was a single mom I could work 2 jobs so someone like you could stay home and do those things with her kids while mine were by themselves and fended for themselves! Get off your bum and help support your family. Your child will survive just like mine did and a million others did as well. Your bf is right and get a job. I hope you are not implying that only stay at home moms are good moms. As I did not have a choice and did not want the government to support me and my kids.

Answer 2

Why can't you get a job and be home for your son? Going to school is definitely a good idea, but so is working. An educated mother who has a career is a better role model for your son than being a stay at home mom. My mother worked and it showed me what it means to be a real woman rather than a stupid baby maker who lazes around the house all day like a lot of my friends moms did, I mean really, cooking and cleaning is a chore not a job and especailly when the kids are at school and if you manage to be a proper mother your son will have a lot more respect for woman because you won't just be some dumb bint with no career or education. Times have changed my dear. I agree with your boyfriend and you, you need a job and you need an education. It's good for the family. As for another child, think about the population problems of this world before doing something so selfish and consider adoption instead!

Answer 3

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships, is doing a quick fix, when the issue is one that could ruin the relationship. If you and your partner are going down different paths, and have a different desire about your future, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate things.

I was a stay at home mom for 13 years. When we got married, we never discussed what we wanted to do with our lives. We just went with the 'here and now'. Now, 12 years later, I'm thinking about retirement, whether or not we'll be secure financially, and what I want to do. Travel to different places, etc. He told me recently that he doesn't want to travel. He hates flying and absolutely will not travel. But I'm free to go. So basically, when we retire, I will have to go do the things I want, alone. It's not real appealing. We constantly argue about saving money. I want to add to 401k more, save money each payday, etc. He wants all the money in each check, and would rather live paycheck to paycheck rather than contribute to retirement. It's a never ending argument. I have a lot of regrets. Don't make the same mistake.

Answer 4

A man who is yet to get a job is hardly in a position to support a wife and child and another one. Somebody has to bring in some money. Being a stay at home mom is pretty much of a luxury these days. It would be different if your intended were a man who was already established in a career and had some savings but a fellow just starting out can't afford to take on the kind of responsibilty you are expecting of him.

Answer 5

hi everyone, im michelles boyfriend.
i was looking through the site trying to find some stuff my girlfriend may have put on/answered so it would let me know what i can do to make our relationship better, not that i thought it was bad, i just wanted to get to know her better.i didn't expect to find this.
let me please defend myself.
first of all, i haven't finished university yet. im still there for another month so getting a job isnt an option yet. secondly, i didn't ask her to go into full time work. just part-time because, this year, we have to pay for driving lessons/tests plus a holiday and still have money to live on as well as paying back my student overdraft. we did discus this last night and, i thought, we had agreed that it we'll find a way to make it work.
as far as children go, she told me she wanted one before she was 30, i agreed to that.
in relation to the son she has,she is a good mum and working part-time won't affect it. there must be other options we can consider. i also said i'd support her in whatever she wanted to do. i'm not trying to force her into work, just trying to show her the benefits to us all if she was in work.
as far as her child goes, he's a good kid, sometimes, lol. we get on well. i'm not a bad person and feel i would be a good role model. he's good for me too, he let's me remember that life's not just about the boring mundane stuff. (plus i get to re-live my childhood!!).
i finish by saying:

babe, i love you so much!!!. these problems are just small problems. if i'd have known thery meant so much to you, we could have discussed it. i'm just a little disappointed you put it on here first, for everyone else to solve, rather than discussing it with me.
i'll speak to you tonight babe. 9.p.m.
LOVE YOU
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Answer 6

Sometimes in life we don’t get everything we want. There are LOTS of women who want to be stay-at-Moms, but they aren’t either because they can’t afford it or their husband/boyfriend doesn’t to be the sole provider. If it’s that important to you, find another hubby/boyfriend who’s willing to support you/your child 100%. But if you want to keep this one, get a job. He has every right to expect you to contribute financially to the family (and of course, you have every right to expect him to contribute to the household chores).

I also think having a child during the first year of marriage/living together (which is a going to be a hard enough adjustment) is not the most intelligent decision. The reason you gave (the age gap thing) is not enough of a reason to justify it, in my opinion.

Answer 7

DO NOT move in with this guy or any guy. Your son doesn't need that, and that HAS to be your first responsibility. If this is not the dude for you, then fine, but you are not a single gal with no responsibilities who can do as you please! Time for you to stop being selfish and do what you can to look after your child. You can have a love life after you raise your son.

Answer 8

You shouldn't let him move in with you unless you want to marry him. Dont make the mistake of wnating to have a family that isnt sealed with marriage-it complicates everything and confuses children. You could work part time or a half day job that allows you home before your boy gets home. Don't let the man youre with dictate to you how to run your life, a relationship is made of 2 whole beings making their world one. If he wants to change you then he should just leave you alone-Youre quite fine as you are.

Answer 9

I don't always know what is best,
but, getting a job is not a pissing contest
you're letting him move in, don't be over joyed
you'll be the only one who is employed
If he loves you, he'll marry you, work at the drop of a hat
so you two can eat the good in life and raise the brat!

Answer 10

Sounds like at least temporarily it might be a good idea for you to work, maybe part time. If he is looking for a joy then money is probably tight and your pitching in would ease the strain.