I was at college and doing well I had been accepted into Uni. I was workin p/time & things were ok, then my partner got made redundant & then at the same time we lost our house!
So we had to move areas my partner got a job in Essex & so we moved.
We have been here about 2 months now. I got a Job working for a Gym which I was really enjoying, the team was great & I had fun! My partner wanted me to leave as he was not happy with all the males that go in and out of Gyms and said he was unhappy and so i left! I then started another job but I got rushed into Hospital with a suspected Bloodclot on my first day & had to spend 3 days in hospital!
Im fine now but since coming out of hospital I have not returned to work, I have been to Interviews & every agency has my CV and its going really well, I have made it to a 2nd Interview for a really good job but my partner is not talking to me because we have no money and he says its my fault as Im not working but I am trying so hard!!
2007-03-13 21:11:32 · 19 answers · asked by kirsty m 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Sorry, I am 23 year old female
2007-03-13 21:21:12 · update #1
The main reason he gets stressed is because the last few days I have been getting fed up of sitting indoors and doing nothing and so I have met my brother and we have gone around giving out CV'S etc.. and my brother bought me lunch! also yesterday my mum and dad could see I was down and so they treated me to lunch and we went out for a couple of hours as it was a nice day!!
My partner says its not fair that he is stuck at work whilst I am out having lunch!! he would rather I sat indoors, he said it would make him feel better!!
He really doesnt think he is in the wrong, he says he cant help how he feels and I should just deal with it and this is how its going to be until I get a job!
I am still always looking for work, I never stop thinking about it!!
I have good qualifications but jobs are not Instant!!
2007-03-13 21:28:28 · update #2
I certainly don't feel you are to blame - redundancy will have had some affect on your partner and needing to move will have been another reason for stress.
The blood clot situation could have happened wherever you were (working or not) but the combination of leaving the Gym (to not cause problems with your partner) and now being out of work are areas where your partner was not very reasonable (Gym), or understanding (getting a new job isn't simple), in my view.
He asked you to leave work (where you had settled in and were happy) because of his lack of confidence / jealousy over you being paid attention by other men. So he may have been angry for a while until he got you to leave that job.
Now you're between jobs, and cash is short, he has another reason to be angry, yet this is through no fault of yours. You may end up in a better job than the one at the Gym, but if you had just been off for a few days in hospital (so not swinging the lead) would they have taken you back? I expect so, and if that had been the case, there would be two incomes so cash wouldn't have been a problem.
So, don't blame yourself - you left the Gym despite liking the job - and you need to try to put up with your partner being moody, and keep your chin up - good luck with the next job. Once you are in work again, you will be able to look back on the break as a minor 'blip' once cash isn't short and you have settled in...
Yes, your partner is, in my view, being unreasonable - he's ignoring the fact you /had/ a job (until he wanted you to leave the Gym) and the blood clot could be a 'sign' that the next job just wasn't the right one for you...
I would simply suggest you avoid bringing up the Gym in the future - we know that you 'had a job you liked, at the Gym, and left because he was jealous / worried' and being out of work was in part because of having to leave the Gym - but if you ever bring up how it is unreasonable to blame you, it's likely to just get him moody again...
I know it's awkward when you are not to blame, but I'd suggest if he does bring it up as being "your fault" you could simply ask how he can blame you for the blood clot - after all, you didn't blame him when he was made redundant, just got on with doing whatever was needed...
2007-03-13 21:45:07 · answer #1 · answered by Peter M 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What a ********! What happened to Uni, did you have to sacrifice that?
He's such a selfish prick. Yes, dear, your Partner is being severely unreasonable! I'm searching for work right now, and for those who are employed, they don't understand how diffucult it really is to find a job, even for those who have more qualifications!
He should have been happy for you when you were working in the gym, and not been so selfish and naieve. Obviously he doesn't trust you, and now it's all YOUR fault because you had a suspected bloodclot?
All you can do is your best, sweetheart, and if he can't understand that, I daresay he's a really bad match, not just for you, but for anyone. Does he not understand how diffucult it is in the working world? Especially for females, it seems...
Anyway, good luck, and if you need someone to break his nose, call me.
2007-03-13 21:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by kenniemcooper 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
yes your partner is being unreasonable. You had a great job (at the gym) but it was him that made you quit. It is not your fault things didn't go well with the job you got after that (going into hospital). If you had still been at the gym they probably would have understood and you could have gone back to working for them. So really it is your partner's fault you have no money,
2007-03-13 21:17:27 · answer #3 · answered by aleta_uk_0 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being extremely unreasonable. His ego is probably hurt because he was made redundant, but that is no reason for him to treat you like this.
You could see if the gym will take you back, then if he complains ask whether he would rather you had money or stayed away from all the men at the gym.
If he continues you should leave him.
2007-03-13 21:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by Katie C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No its not your fault if he cant stand by you when you haven't got a job then he is not worth being with. If you where still with him in a few years and you got married would he keep to the "for richer, for poorer" oath?? i think not. I'm sorry to say it but you would probably be better off on your own then at least he cant make you feel guilty for not having a job.
He should be happy that you are trying to get a job.
2007-03-13 21:21:27 · answer #5 · answered by nik2bitch 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your partner is being completely unreasonable. I had a blood clot in my lung once and they are nothing to mess with. Does he realize you could have died? I'm guessing it was your birth control that caused the clot. Make sure you get off of it as soon as possible if that's the case. Lose the partner too. What a jerk!
2007-03-13 21:21:13 · answer #6 · answered by Lesley M 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is being unreasonable. He is the one to blame coz he made you quit your job at the gym when everything is going well. Then the hospital thing is not your fault coz who in their right mind wanted to be admitted to the hospital? If the blood clot was not detected earlier, it might cost you your health, if not your life. Why don't you try to talk it with him? If he still insist that it's your fault, then dump him.
2007-03-13 21:22:10 · answer #7 · answered by alain 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your partner sounds really selfish and controlling. He made you leave your job and now he's moaning about it. What happened to your plans for uni? What do your family think of this guy? I'd ask them for their advice. To me it seems like he is being completely unfair to you. You don't sound like you are to blame at all. Why shouldn't you go for lunch with your family? It sounds like he is gradually trying make you cut off contact with your family. Do you see your friends anymore? I think you need to leave him.
2007-03-13 23:10:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,first im pleased to know you are now alright.Your partner is totally selfish you have done all the sacrificing a relationship is give & take.Its time he grow up.Good Luck at your interview
hope you get the job.xxxx
2007-03-13 21:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by Ollie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
ur boyf sounds like a control freak, he is scared that your gonna meet a new guy that treats you with respect this is why he doesnt want you going out id say get rid if he is like this now what is he going to be in a few more years
2007-03-13 22:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by loubylou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋