april will be my first year married to my husband.
ive noticed lately that he hasnt really been wanting to have sex. i have been doing favors for him and i have been giving it to him when he is 'in the mood.'
i am 23 and highly sexual and its like he doesnt want to do anything with me anymore. i love him dearly but i NEED sex too. i like sex throughout the day and especially at night, but he says he is tired (even when he is off work) all the time. he says he isn't a 'night person'!? its kind of causing me to please myself more, and desire a sexual realtionship with someone on the side. i know cheating in marriage is wrong but he is pushing me away.
please give me advice.
2007-03-13 20:48:20 · 15 answers · asked by Queenly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i have communicated everything with him..he still doesnt say anything at all. he thinks im selfish!?!
2007-03-13 21:00:01 · update #1
He might be having work problems are financial problems that your unaware of. Men tend to internalize things rather than express them. He might feel that by getting himself(and you) into this problem that he has failed you in some way...thus doesn't deserve sex from you. Its crazy but I've heard men explain it like that. he might be disappointed with himself and thinks that if you knew too you would be disappointed as well. Try talking to him when sex isn't an issue. Not 5 min after he rejected your attempts or something. Better to start the conversation somewhere neutral when both of you are relaxed. Dont be aggressive or accusing as that just puts up defenses and you wont get anywhere. Start out by expressing your concerns with him being tired, is there someway you can help..and then go from there. I hope that helps. Whatever you do dont cheat. It will permanently stain your marriage and you might find out later he was just stressed or something and nothing to do with being sexually attracted to you still. You also have to remember that sexual desire comes and goes just like other moods. He might be hot for you every day for a week and then suddenly doesn't have time even for a kiss. Its like that...try to be patient...you've always got yourself(lol) during those times.
2007-03-13 21:00:01 · answer #1 · answered by coolred38 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am SO certain you have not talked this out with your husband yet. where's the communication??? it's difficult and will cause you to be apprehensive, but the result is always better than what we're expecting. i really 100% suggest that you talk to your husband about this. explain everything that you feel or think about what you and he should be doing and listen to what he has to say too. then debate it out and come to a compromise, whether it causes an argument or tears. the end result usually will be a much stronger bond between you two and a feeling of love again.
you know that to feel the virtue love you two have to work daily on your relationship with each other? marriage is not a game and it isn't simple--demands a lot of hardwork on both sides... get counseling if you two can't handle this. i wish you luck :D don't cheat on your husband. at most divorce him first before you start another affair...
2007-03-14 03:57:44 · answer #2 · answered by wat_more_can_i_say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My slump wasn't until three years. But I was honest with him. This is a part of what he signed up for, a relationship includes relations. I'd see a therapist before cheating though, is that really what you want. Cheating wont make him randy. If you want your marriage to work you might have to get help. Good luck, and we got over ours by the way. No therapy, just laying off and explaining to him I wanted a whole relationship. Really hard, But now we're in year seven.
2007-03-14 03:59:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The cheating is out .
You both sad for better or worst .
This is a down point right now it sounds like your talking
Love him with out pushing him or you away .
Talk more and explain your needs wants and desires also ask him his 1st over dinner no radio or TV eye to eye
heart to heart .
Stay close explain your desire for sex and what are his .
maybe he needs meds maybe you will need a little self pleasure to fill in but don't make that your 1st desire .
Talk about other pressures he maybe has work fiance
Stay faithful above all !
2007-03-14 08:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by Duck / Deer 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
clearly, this has become a problem. you will have to find a meeting ground and communicate. a marriage counselor can help. this can be a sign of a controlling, abusive relationship -so be careful.
you will know if he wants to work on things if he goes to the counselor with you -and you need to go! look for other signs of abuse: restricting your time w/family and friends, withholding things, belittling comments, acting physical towards you in a harmful way.
your sexuality is a part of you, so don't give up on it. you may have chosen the wrong partner. just remember that you deserve nice things from nice people.
2007-03-14 04:04:54 · answer #5 · answered by KitKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from cheating it will destroy you personally, I know I did it and the guilt will be a ***** to handle!
I would tell him out right what you said here and tell him he has option on pleasuring you or letting you find someone else to pleasure you.
That should get the ball rolling in your court.
2007-03-14 03:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow Girl it's like reading my life, I've been with my man for 4 Years and lately my sex life has become lets say some what of a dry zone, i too am 23yo and like you i've been turning to my beautiful 9 inch best friend (Dildo) I simply told my man if he doesn's start keeping up with me then he'll give me no reason but to seek it else where, and let me tell you he now keeps up with me and more, Communication is the key, if he loves tou he'll try harder to please you more in sack.
2007-03-14 03:55:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
As difficult as it might be for you you have to wait for him to ask for sex and then turn him down a few times. Some men just have to really want it and don't like their wives to try to force them. If this doesn't work then have him see a doctor and have his testosterone level checked.
2007-03-14 08:32:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well... most people don't have sex "throughout the day" and then at night... maybe you're overworking him girl!... Maybe he needs a break.lol...but in all seriousness, don't cheat, see a sex therapist first..
2007-03-14 03:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First - I'd tell him exactly how you are feeling and what his lack of interest is doing to you physically and emotionally before you find a Buck Fuddy on the side.
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2007-03-14 03:55:24 · answer #10 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋