What do you do with your heart when it is breaking because you fell in love with the right man too late...?

Question

We knew each other when we were younger-had the same circle of friends, moved on -each got married and had our seperate families. Did not see each other in over 25 years. We became re-united 3 years ago, became very close friends. We saw each other everyday while he was at work then he started coming to my house in the mornings for coffee, sometimes in the evening on his way home from work, we spent one evening together, I never felt so complete with anyone and I'm 47 years old! He has been married for 30 years, we crossed the line of friendship, his wife discovered that we were talking on the phone every day at least once and sometimes up to 5 or 6 times a day. She was and still very angry that we became so close, and she felt very threatened by me so she demanded that he stop talking to me, that was a year ago, we still talk every couple of days and we have met occasionally, not sexually. She never lets him forget about me, she brings my name up often-thows it in his face...

Answer 1

You say you fell in love with the right man to late. What should you do with your heart that is breaking? You are at 47 years old now. In order for my advice to you to have any influence on you, first you have to put your heart aside, which are emotions, and not facts. Next you have to start working with your head which is your intelect.

That said, take a piece of paper and make two coloumns.
On the first column, title it .... "My reality/name(of husband, & children". The second column title it ..."My fantasy/Name"(of friend)

In the reality column, make a list of all the terrific things you have experienced in your life. Which should include, all of your husbands qualities, the respect, care, sacrafices, romance, vacations, the memories that you and your husband have shared for over 25 year.The memories of each child when they born, birthday partys,graduations, any
celebrations. etc... You should also include all the trials and tribulations that your and your husband have shared to accomplish where you, and your children are today. In other words all your physical, heart rending accomplishments. I am sure you got the idea. These are called "INVESTMENTS"

In the column of "fantasy" right down along side each investment that you have with this man that just popped into your life. In other words, if in the first column you wrote a quality of your husband, you can either put a check mark, or ? mark in the 2nd column.

When you do this be honest with yourself, do not above all lie to yourself. After you are finished, see which column out weighs the other.

Now let me tell you something. I beleive in my heart that you married the right man. Just the fact that this old friend, pursude you knowing that he has a family shows me he has no character, and would have cheated on you if you had married him. I am sure you are not the first person he has had encounters with. You being an old friend from the past just made it easier.

You are judging your whole life on one evening that made you feel complete. What made you feel complete. The fact that you feel special because of the undevided attention that he showed you that night.

Lets make beleive you do decide you want to marry this man. Do you really think the romance, and excitement will last forever. Look at what you will be throwing away. A life time investment. If you had a business that was built from scratch for 30 years, would you give it up to start a new business that might be succussful? Would you take a chance like that. Lady come back to earth, your head is in the clouds.

You are risking the lives of 2 families. Put an end to this. Why are you throwing away all the great years you can have with you family. Walking down the aisle with them, grandchildren. Your hard work is over, you can now reap the fruits of your labor. It is like carrying a child for 9 months, and then giving it up for adoption.

You are being selfish, to your children, and to the other womens family. Didn't you do enough damage already. Of course this mans wife still throws it up to him, you still occassionally see eachother, and talk to each other. Don't you think she knows about it. How dare you say she doesnt let him forget about you.For sure she is getting vibes from her husband. If you don't STOP THIS IMMATURE BEHAVIOR THEN YOU BOTH DESERVE EACHOTHER, AND ALL THE CONSIQUENCES.

YOUR HUSBAND, MARRIED THE WRONG WOMAN. NOT THAT YOU MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

After reading over what I wrote here, I somehow get the feeling it won't make any difference. I put allot of effort into it.
Truthfully not for you, but for the two families you are destroying.

Answer 2

I think you're mistaking infatuation for love. How well do you really know this woman? You said you're not even sure if she's single, so you obviously don't know much about her personal life. I think you're in love with an idealized fantasy you've created around this woman, rather than the woman herself. It's much more likely that you're no longer stimulated by your current relationship and the idea of change is exciting to you. Try doing a few things to rekindle the passion there before you throw away the last 15 years (and probably hurt a lot of people) for a fantasy. You might find that your "love" is simply the discomfort you feel from neglecting your own emotional needs. If that's the case, then you don't need a new woman, you need to re-establish your bond with your current one.

Answer 3

Well my friend, life is sometimes like that. Why did you not get married earlier in life, I do not know, however, my view is that, you both went your separate ways and got married to different people and I presume that you both still love your life partners. If you do not, than I think that if your feelings for each other is so strong, you should discuss it seriously and see what needs to be done. Very bluntly put, you have to either decide to leave this relationship or leave your present state of marriage. You have to make a decision. Sitting on the fence, talking to one another and making the other person in the marriage feel threatened, is not being very fair, is it? You both are only thinking of yourself. I have been in a similar situation and believe me, it is not a very nice place to be. So be just and fair to everyone in this foursome. It is not only the two of you anymore, so you have to be responsible and grown up in how you handle this and you most definitely cannot sit on the fence - someone is going to be really hurt, if you keep doing what you are doing now.

Answer 4

Ok, i think that you are in the wrong here and so is he. You would have had your chance when you were younger and he is married now and you have more than friendship on your mind. See some one else. You are trying to make this other woman look like the baddie when infact you are interfering in their relationship. Unless he ends his marriage, you should stay away from him, especially when u have already crossed the line. This is unfair on the wife!

Answer 5

Sorry, that is sad, but there's not much you can do now. Appearently he feels roughly the same or he wouldn't be doing that. Beyond that, I don't know what to say here, as you're lives have been all but cemented. Maybe you and his wife can be friends somehow?

Answer 6

Hello? He's a dirty cheater and you're a homewrecker! Did you really think you could spin this garbage and make it sound worthy of sympathy? Leave this man alone. You've harmed him and his wife enough already.

Answer 7

I've been there and it did the same thing to me and... it broke up my marriage of 10 years!
Please, let it go! You're about to destroy 2 lives, (3 if you include yours!).

Answer 8

You frigged her husband. Nice trying to get us to feel sorry for you and the adulterer

Answer 9

im sorry to hear that.i think you will have to sit and think.
know that its too late,you will have to stop seeing him for the sake of his/your familyits not worth it,get on and improve your own life/marriage
good luck too you!

Answer 10

Keep track of him, sooner or later he will probably be single and you can do him.