How do I convince my spiteful ex to contact me so I can negotiate child support?

Question

My ex in another state has not let me see my daughter in 7 yrs. I have no idea why. She never told me.( Likely from being rejected) I was recently dragged into court for child support and got her home address and work phone. I left 2 messages at work and she hasnt called me back. She hung up on me last time I tried calling 7 years ago. They are now garnishing over $115 a week from my $600 week gross salary for support! My problem is, the courts suspended my passport because I owe over $27,000 in back support. I can never pay that back and also pay current support. I have fallen in love with a woman who lives out of the country and we have never met as all we can do is talk by phone or e-mail. I probably want to marry her. I am insane about her. The courts tell me if my daughters mother forgives the past due arrears, they will wipe it off and give my passport back. I have only the mothers home address in which to write a letter. How do i convince her to forgive my past debt?

Answer 1

Man, that's tough. All I can say is I would fly or drive out to her house and try and talk to her face to face. If you keep calling you'll keep getting hung up on. I would ask her if you can pay more, if you forgot about the past debt.

Answer 2

First, in this day and age she cannot prevent you from seeing your daughter for 7 years. If you had gone and fought for visitation - you would have gotten it. Second, she had to "drag you into court for child support" - why were you not knocking down her door/ the courts to try and pay something to support your child? Third, you are lucky that is all they are taking- you must have good laws preventing them from garnishing a higher amount to go to the back support. Fourth, I am not sure what you have been told is correct regarding the forgiveness of past due amounts. The support is owed to the CHILD and many courts will not allow a parent to waive money owed to the child.

What you need to do is take out a loan. From a bank, from your mother, against your car, house, whatever. You need to clear that debt ASAP. You will then be in your ex's good graces, your daughter will think you are a stand up guy, you will get your passport back, you can go abroad, meet the love of your life, get married, etc. See how if you do the right thing everything else falls into place?

Also, if you EVER hope to have ANY relationship with your daughter - even far into the future - that relationship will be seariously jeopardized by the fact you didn't pay support. Make it up now and in the future you may find you have a daughter capable of loving you and having a relationship with you.

Good luck.

Answer 3

First off, who left the state? If it was you, then that was your decision and yours alone. Second, $27,000, huh? Sounds like, again, it was your decision not to pay. Whether or not you see your daughter is irrelevant to the child support. It sounds like you were being just as spiteful ("Well, if I can't see her, then I won't pay"). As for the $115 a week out of $600, I know guys who would love to have that small an amount taken out. Did you fight for visitation in court? Did you fight the child support amount seven years ago? I don't know where you live, but here in Michigan, a referee from Friend of the Court usually mediates directly between the parties with no lawyers involved.
What REALLY troubles me is the poor daughter. All I am reading in this is "poor me, poor me, poor me--MY wages are being garnished--MY passport is suspended." What about that little girl who didn't have her biological father? I don't care if it was your fault or your ex's--it was NOT your daughter's fault. If you were any kind of a man, much less any kind of a father, you'd be more worried about at the very least living up to your financial obligation to your daughter than chasing some mystery foreign woman whom you have never seen face-to-face. There is a reason it is called CHILD SUPPORT--it is not EX-SPOUSE SUPPORT. My wife's ex (who is also my adopted son's sperm donor) was a lot like you seem to be. He didn't win in court. Don't get your hopes up.

Answer 4

You should have been paying the child support regardless of whether you got to see your daughter or not. Divorce papers say that in black and white. Outside of that, you can't make her forgive your past debt. I'd say contact an attorney, though I don't think there's much he can do. He is going to tell you that your daughter is owed that money. I don't know why you didn't pay the child support or choose not to see her, but I think you may need to think about taking out a loan to pay it off. The only one that is getting hurt is your daughter. And that, my friend is your fault. Your ex probably sees it as you wanting to be with the other woman instead of your daughter. And your daughter, no matter WHAT the situation is will see it as you picking a foreign woman over your own child. Sad part is, your daughter will be right in that thinking. If you don't want to pay the support, I suggest you file for your parental rights to be terminated, then forget that you ever had a wife or daughter.

Answer 5

Why should she forgive past due arrears? It is so, so, so difficult to raise a child alone. Do you ever stop to think about your ex's situation? What it takes to feed your daughter, keep a roof over her head, pay outrageous childcare, Girl Scouts, sports, etc... I guarantee $115 a week only scratches the surface. Instead of thinking about your passport, you should be thinking about "negotiating" a civil relationship with this woman. She's hanging up in your face because she probably knows you will whine about your passport, haven't you ever thought about that?

I'm not saying you're completely selfish, but think of them for once and their needs! You are only trying to get in contact with her so you can get your passport back. She has no control over how much the state is taking from your check each week, so I don't advise trying to negotiate that. Concentrate on the child for once. Stop saying you can't see your daughter because of your ex. Try buying a plane ticket to see the little girl. You have the address now. Try doing something good voluntarily and see what a difference it makes.

No one is stopping you from being a father to that girl. No one blames your ex, you are the one who needs to wake up. It shouldn't have taken a garnishment of wages for you to support this little girl. You should be flying to see your daughter, not some woman in another country. The girl is your priority, and if that means no passport then no passport for a while. Be responsible and pretend you're buying a new vehicle. Pay that debt off and try to be involved in that girl's life from this day forward.

Understand that your daughter needs you in her life more than you need your passport. And stop saying your ex is being spiteful due to rejection. If she gave a damn about being rejected (7 years later) she would be trying to gain your acceptance, not hanging up in your face or dodging your calls. Call it what it is, she's pissed because it took a garnishment of wages for you to man up and get in touch with her. Stop flattering yourself, she thinks you're irresponsible and wants nothing to do with you.

I'm not being rude to you, but grow up...

Answer 6

It's not your ex wife you are supporting dumbass, it's your children. And your ex wife doesn't HAVE to talk to you about what you owe in back child support. You owe that money to your child. And if your ex wife is a decent mother she will forgive you NOTHING. The fact that you can't get your passport back is YOUR problem and YOUR fault. You didn't keep up with your court ordered child support payments...yeah whine about how they took out so much from your weekly salary...well maybe you should have taken a second job or gone dumpster diving for bottles and cans. You owe your child that money.

Answer 7

You need a lawyer. But your lawyer may have a hard time. Your wife has a string case against case against you and by your own admission, the last time you attempted to speak to your wife was seven years prior.

On a side note: seriously, you have no idea the damage you are doing to your child by not being in her life. You need to seek out ways of spending time with your child. And, whats the issue with this woman coming to the United States if you cant go to wherever she is?

Answer 8

Why should she forgive anything for you, You left her alone to support a child that you fathered?
Get a second job and double payments to her for a year and then try to talk to her. You can't lose, your child will have a better life and your debt will drop. Save about 10 thousand and offer it to her for forgiveness.

Answer 9

You are dreaming. You are going to negotiate with a spiteful ex? On what planet is that going to happen? And now you want to mixed up with another one that lives out of the country. You are a glutton for punishment.

Answer 10

Yes I agree... you are insane. Tell me... why are you more concerned about meeting some dame that probably only wants to use you to get into the US then your own daughter? How can you go without seeing her for so many years? I often wonder about men like you.