When you're lonely/loner but you wish inside heart that you had a friend?

Question

I'm 27. male. Never had friends ever since i can remember. I still don't. have no friends, much less ever a girlfriend. It's tough. I want friends, but then i feel like i don't becuse i'm not worth it. but then also, i'm never going to do anything to go out and push it on people to be my friends. so, i guess i'll be friendless forever.

Right now i liive with my family so at least i talk alittle( not much cause i'm a loner) to my parents and that's it. But what will happen when i dont have my parents anymore. i will be even lonelier

what can i do? don't tell me just go out there and make friends. I don't even know how to make friends. i'm not good at speaking so that's why i don't even try to speak. really, my speaking skills( and writing) are so bad. i make no sense when speaking even though i try...

Answer 1

You seem like a smart, compassionate guy that should have no problem having plenty of friends and you are quite smart to explore this issue. I can tell you from experience that the skills involved in making and keeping friends will help you throughout all areas of your life including romantically and professionally. For example, dating is just another form of striking up a friendship. I can also tell you that the last half of your first paragraph is the very reason you do not have friends.

Here is what I recommend:

1) Realize that behind every behavior is a thought. If you already harbor thoughts of being friendless forever, then how can you possibly do what it takes to make friends? You have already trained yourself to feel that trying is already pointless. Were you to re-train your thinking such that you are someone anyone would want to spend their time with, you would feel more comfortable around others.

2) I get the sense that you are afraid to try. Realize that if you want something, you have to give something. This is the law of the universe. The very nature of connecting with other people includes risking possible rejection and other hurts. It's the yin and the yang. You cannot have one without the other, the yin without the yang. This is how the universe maintains balance. When the yang moves in on you (and it will - it always does), if you respond by continuing to give in a new way having learned your lesson from the hurt you feel, you will heal. And the more you give, the more you get.

For example, since you are concerned about speaking, you can reach out to places where people can help you re-train yourself to speak well. When you put in the consistent work, i.e. give your energy to the universe in return for improving yourself, you will find yourself speaking well.

3) Realize that it's about the giving. Giving what you feel deprived of is its own reward. I know it sounds corny, but I have found this to be true. When you have been a good friend to someone else, you have really been a good friend to yourself. Try it and you'll see what I mean.

4) Develop your own interests and hobbies. Once you make those friends, you have to have interests in common, you know something to do while you hang out and something to talk about.

5) The way you spend your time is the way you are spending your life. Your time is your life. They are one and the same. When you think about your future, do you want it to be just like it is now? Then keep doing what you've always been doing. If you want something different, *you* will have to *be* different. Thinking only gets you so far. You must behave your way toward want you want, consistently and on a daily basis.

6) Be patiently consistent. As with any journey, you will have starts and stops, losses, failures, and other disappointments. But if you want the prize, you've got to get back on the horse.

This is your life. You are the designer. Design it. Good luck with this. Blessings to you.

Answer 2

You probably just think that you do not make any sense. I figure you have some serious self esteem problems. I would tell you to seek help from a counselor, but everyone says that. Also, it is not in the budget for most regular people.
Maybe try to meet someone online, on a singles site. That is how i met my fiance. I had to go through a ton of jerks, but i finally found him. And he is a loner, and doesn't talk a lot.
Maybe try some multi player online games. I hate to say it, but i am an avid World of Warcraft junkie. I have my sister and my fiance playing now also. You will meet a ton of people on there.
Don't be so down on yourself. You have to realize your own self worth. I know this sounds so cliche, but you have to love yourself, before you can love anyone else.
I do not have a big friend circle, and i think most people do not either. I have my twin, and that is pretty much it. It is my family and my fiance, not much, but they are who matter to me.
I hope that this is a little, if any help to you.
I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 3

Theres nothing wrong with being a loner. I was that way until I lost my Mother and Father. Life had a way of pushing me outward. It sort of forced me to work harder in making friends until I finally got married. Now it's just my family I'm concerned about. But I'm still a loner and even after your married you think those thoughts. But it takes a lot of work. I feel safer just socializing with my family. Don't worry, people can change. It never happens over night but it does in time and everyone else notices except yourself.

Answer 4

maybe your a late bloomer.it's okay,it's easy to make friends be yourself because some people are loyal try confronting some of them i bet your a good person.don't freak out when you start talking to them just relax.i dont think anyone in the world won't earn friends.try to do something you like then join a club if there is.just never give up try and try untill you reach your goal.failure isn't an option.always look in the bright side of the problem everyone always finds a solution in life.♥Good Luck♥!♦Take Care♦!*God Bless*!♫Hope my Advice Helps!♫

Answer 5

What are your intrests can you join some sort of club or group that would get you around ppl but you wouldnt have to talk tto much also have you tried to make friends online I think you made sense with what you wrote here maybe making friends online would be easier to startDo you have a job maybe try and make friends witha coworker
Get a pen pal
ask your family to introduce you to some ppl
learn to relax around ppl and just say hi thats how making friend usually works
GOOD LUCK my friend

Answer 6

I'm not very sociable. I have learned to accept that. When I do hang out it seems like too much work to try to make friends. I get lonely but I prefer not to be annoyed even more. Maybe you could start w/ a pen-pal or a phone friendship first. Once you feel you can be yourself w/out pressure then you can meet the person face to face.

Answer 7

Try to join a club/organization that is of an interest of yours. This way you will have something in common with all of your other members. If you cannot find an organization with your interests just research and join any that are not entertaining to you so you can meet people. Try also taking a class at your local community college to meet new people. At least this way you will have something to talk about.

Answer 8

Your right! You can't just go out and make friends. Learn to use your energy and body language. Embrace your self as you are. Get in touch with your primal side and people will seek you out. Alpha males are not smart they are people like you. Who, know how to project their energy which, is what people are attracted to naturally. Or you could just become a monk!
http://lessgov2007.blogspot.com/

Answer 9

Well do you want to have friends? If you are at work do you have friends there? If your happy with yourself that is all that really matters. But friends will be there for you when you need them at times, it is hard to find good friends, and I wish ya luck!! Buy a dog, they are more loyal

Answer 10

its okay, trust me its really easy to make friends. i mean we`re all people right ? and we`re nont all the same theres all type of people out there and i`m sure you`ll find someone . postive you wont be single for the rest of your life or something haha, good
luck <3