How am I expected to let go of the past, but I'm reliving the same situation presently with different people?

Question

I moved away from my abusive foster & biological family out of state, thinking I can have a happy life & move forward, but I can't move forward & let go of the past because I'm reliving the same scenarios being treated the same way but by strangers or people I'm just getting to know, & that's bringing me flashbacks of the harsh abuse I went through.

Answer 1

We have a tendency to fall back into old patterns because it's what we know and what we're comfortable with, even bad situations. If you find yourself falling into those patterns again, then it's time to put up a big red flag and say, "STOP!"

It's very difficult, especially if we've been abused, to move towards healthy relationships. Abuse victims tend to be more insecure and lack self-confidence, and also tend to be more passive and willing to take abuse. This can all lead you towards being around more people who can do the same thing to you. Predators see someone that can be easily controlled and take advantage of that. Even a nice person can start to take advantage of a person who allows it.

I have two bits of advice. One is that if you find yourself in the same type of relationships then you need to break away from that. Don't let yourself be put in similar situations again, or, like you said, it will only bring you memories of what you went through in the past, and then also become that situation again. You don't need to be in that cycle. You need to be around caring, loving people who will help you grow and who will not push you down.

My second piece of advice is that it would be good to look at the things in yourself that might be leading to this. Are you going to people who will hurt you again? Are you feeling insecure? Are you not very self-confident? All of these are things that can be helped, and the more respect you have for yourself, the more you will command from others.

Have you ever seen a counselor about this? I would definitely recommend it. Going through abuse is a very, very difficult thing, and it's very hard to get through on your own. A counselor could help you get back on your feet and be someone that you can trust, as well as help you break any cycles you might be in and help you develop more self-confidence. Please don't let yourself go through this again. Get help. You can have a happy life and move forward and let go, but sometimes that takes a little help.

Answer 2

You may well find this happening until you actually work through the damage done to you by your family(ies?)

Please seek counseling.

It's rare for people to move on and have happy lives after an abused childhood until they've done some healing.

You can't just put it behind you in that way.

I suspect you are picking out people to replay your abused past with -- which is common among the abused.

Quality therapy can help you so that you don't do that any more.

This is just how humans are: you can't put the past behind you simply by willing it so.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Many books have suggestions that help us to clarify the past, and rebuild inner strengths.

You feel you are treated in the same way, it could be your un-healed vulnerable hearts can not stand even a small conflicts.
you need to fix this emotion, and remined yourself frequently that when you feel vulnerable, you tell yourself it is not about the other person, it is about your unfixed emotion, and you need to fix that. In this way, you won't feel so bad, and get a better chance to recover once you recognize your problem and face it on your own.

Answer 5

It's like walking down a road and tripping on a rock...the next time you are down that same road you'll remember it's there and hopefully step over it. I think if anyone can see these people coming it's you, and there are nice people out there. I think you should find the pattern you are repeating and try to change it.

Answer 6

First, I believe that your demeanor may be inviting people of that type of behaviour.

I would consult a therapist to identify patterns in your behaviour that may be attracting abusive people to you.

If you have always done what you've done, you'll always get what you've got.