I just started work last week and my mother-in-law takes care of our 3 month old. She's very nurturing and loves taking care of him. I feel like I'm already loosing the bond i had w/ him before i started working and it's shifting to his grandma. He's not a very expressive child, but when i come home from work he doesn't seem happy to see me or even seem to recognize me :( I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this and how it has effected your relationship w/ your children now? In the future, is he going to think "my grandma raised me because my mother worked"? Do any of you who had both parents that worked and were mostly w/ another relative when you were younger think that now?
Please, no mean answers. I feel guilty enough as it is about working. But if i'm overthinking it, please let me know.
2007-03-13 17:39:54 · 11 answers · asked by SB 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Yes, honey I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My mother in law watches my son while his father and I work and has since he has been born! He is 3 1/2 now. I had a lot of guilt when I would drop him off there and always wonder is he loved her more than me. He does have a special bond with his grandma but at the end of the day he just wants his mother. PLEASE don't feel bad about working I used to feel this way and then you have to tell yourself that you are working to give your child a better life and you can't be with your child every second of the day.
No one can ever take the bond that you and your child have together!
My son, loves his grandmother but when I go and get him he is ready to come home with his mom and dad. You are doing the right thing and do not let guilt eat at you. At least he is with someone that you know loves him. Good luck!
2007-03-13 17:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mandie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you are feeling is completely normal sweetie. I went through this with my first daughter, as I also did not have the option to stay home with her as I do now with my others(I have 3 kids now). She definitely bonded with her grandma, but nobody can replace mom. Don't worry about it. Your son is still very young and not quite at the point where he shows much emotion. Once they get older, (when you have been gone for a while) as soon as you walk through the door they get the biggest smiles and get so excited to see you. Don't worry about this, because as long as you give him the attention and love he needs when you are able to, at the end of the day he will still know who mommy is. Hope this helps some.
2007-03-13 17:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by Angels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
More than anything else, it's important that a baby feel loved and safe during the first year of his life. It doesn't matter who does the loving. Just be thankful you have such a wonderful mother-in-law. What if you had to leave him at a day care where he would get so much less attention? Just relax. He'll know who his mother is. You're probably feeling a little jealous, and that's to be expected. Just keep telling yourself, "I'm so lucky!"
2007-03-13 18:02:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had to go back to work when my daughter was three months old because of the insurance. She stayed with my mom while I worked, and at first was only really glad to see me for the milk! When she got a little older she was always very excited to see me, and I think it's great that she is able to have a close bond with "Nana". After about nine months my husband was able to get us covered on his insurance, so I was able to be home, but will always be grateful for the time they got to spend together. Be glad that your mother-in-law is able and willing to take him-much nicer than strangers in daycare!
2007-03-13 17:52:53 · answer #4 · answered by n2mama 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went back to artwork while my son replaced into 2 months previous and my mom watched him. i'm not likely to lie and inform you it wasn't complicated...he replaced into VERY related to gramma and at cases, it fairly have been given me down. He continuously looked as though it could respond to her greater beneficial than he did me...yet that replaced into purely organic because of the fact he replaced into along with her greater. while he all started going to college it have been given somewhat greater helpful because of the fact he wasn't along with her 10 hours an afternoon. yet i will inform you...it would not wreck the bond between mom and baby...there is basically no evaluation. he's 23 now, and in spite of the reality that he remains very related to his gramma, we've a courting that I cherish. He nonetheless isn't one to coach affection very with no worry, yet no count how a lot of his friends are around and no count what he's doing, he properly-knownshows time on a daily basis to coach me how feels, no count if it fairly is a short text fabric message over the telephone, or a huge bear hug and kiss on the right of my head (he's 6'4) while he sees me. do not worry....you purely isn't disillusioned. basically be grateful he's with somebody all day, who loves him.
2016-12-19 04:57:28 · answer #5 · answered by apollon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're overthinking it.
Your baby is going to grow up happily aware that he has a Mommy and a Grandma who love him very much.
Don't worry over it.
2007-03-13 17:48:05 · answer #6 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Your child is just experiencing a new person. Aren't you the one he curls into to sleep while you're feeding him? Aren't you the one who gets up with him at night? Get's him ready in the morning?
I promise that he doesn't think she's his Mom. Babies use their sense of smell a lot; she doesn't smell like you.
One of the ways to get a baby to sleep through the night is to use your pillow case as a tucked in sheet in their crib, because your scent is on it so if they wake up they smell you and, reassured, go back to sleep.
Seriously.
--Lee Ann
2007-03-13 17:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by Lee Ann 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's only three months old and babies this age aren't always very expressive. You can't help that you have to work, but make the time you have with him count. He knows that you're "Mom," don't worry.
2007-03-13 17:47:58 · answer #8 · answered by M N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course your child will get more attached to grandma than you. She now functions as his mother. He needs to bond to one person - that's the biology and he must do it. You are no longer available for the vast majority of his waking hours.
More than 10 hours a week separation from mommy is measurably damaging to an infant.
The NICHD research shows that infants who experience this separation (even when grandma or daddy is the substitute) have intellectual deficits, poorer physical health, more emotional problems, and poorer social skills when compared to children who didn't suffer this kind of abandonment by their moms.
If you have to work, then thank goodness his new mommy loves him, and is not likely to quit, subjecting him to yet another abandonment.
Look, we're primates. Our babies need us. Period.
Other horrid effects of mother substitutes for infants are 1)child is less attached to mommy 2)mommy is less attached to the child and 3)daddy is less approving of the child!
Lots of people (who also abandoned their newborns to work) will tell you it is fine, your son loves you, don't worry, every little thing you do is just fine because you do it. And they will be lying to you.
Of course he will say - my grandma raised me. His grandma is now raising him!!!!!!!
Also, most moms today do not have to work - most moms of infants still don't. And, the more money a man makes in this country, the more likely his wife is to work. I see all these two parent families and their kids have tons of dumb material things. Most don't have to work, they just don't want to wait for stuff.
2007-03-13 18:47:06 · answer #9 · answered by cassandra 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
it is quite common with grand parents even if mum is at home, do nto get upset as long as child is well cared of. as age maturity arrives it gets faded away. your child is always yours
2007-03-13 17:44:24 · answer #10 · answered by david j 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋