is it just a guy thing?

Question

my husband i have been married for 11 years.. i was hurt in november and now need surgery on my wrist which i go in for next week.. i'm a little scared.. but tonight my husband made a comment infront of others, when I mentioned that we would need someone to pick up our daughter from school as we would not be back in time he said "oh yea. your going to need me to pick you up after surgery" this made me very mad.. I asumed he would be there during not just drop me off and pick me up.. am i being over sensitive??? he doesn't get why i'm mad. he said he just forgot and it isn't his fault but to me it goes beond that. let me know what you think

Answer 1

omg...I can't believe some of these answers. Yes you should feel hurt to some degree. It doesn't matter that its minor surgery, its about the fact that she is going thru something that has a certain amount of stress attached to it not to mention that I am sure it won't be the most comfortable thing in the world. So why would he not be with his soul mate? You are not over sensitive...this isn't him saying no honey I am going to sit this trip to the grocery store out ...you go alone...this is your health and as such he needs to be there supporting you. Where are the gentlemen anymore...wow! No wonder women are pissed at us

Answer 2

What a jerk! Your surgeon will expect a family member to be there with you. If he has to do something else during the surgery like remove a tumor or something (he won't--I just can't think of another example) and it's not on your operative permit that you signed before the surgery, he will have to get permission from your next of kin. He will also come out of surgery when you are taken to the recovery room to let your husband know that the surgery is over and there were no problems. Surgery on your wrist may not sound like something major, but anytime anyone has a general anesthesia, their loved ones need to be there. You have a right to feel angry and hurt. Get well quick.

Answer 3

You committed the sin of assumption. Happens all the time, even in the best of marriages. Just because someone has been married to you for 11 years doesn't mean that the person can read minds. Maybe it is a guy thing, but sometimes you have to make it clear what it is you need from your spouse and why it is so important to you.

I recently had surgery on my shoulder. It would have been perfectly fine with me had my wife dropped me off and had come back to pick me up four hours later. I told her so. She insisted on being there, which I appreciated, but didn't really need her to do. Now, if she has outpatient surgery, do you think I should be there during the entire time? You better believe it! But, in the absence of a prior event, don't assume that your spouse knows what you need and why it is important to you.

So, get over your hurt. Apologize for getting angry with him for assuming something of which he was not aware. Tell him, though, that you really need him to be there for your and to please make arrangements to do so. If he can't be there because of prior work commitments, ask a close friend to go with you. It won't be the same, but it's better than going by yourself and then resenting it and playing the martyr.

Sometimes our spouses can't be there for us in every single way that we would like them to be. We have to accept that and move on.

Answer 4

I totally understand what you're saying. I would be mad too but you gotta look at it from his point of view. All i can think of is he didn't mean it the way you might have taken it. I have issues taking things the wrong way. I'm only 21 and I don't get guys at all. They always think they never did anything wrong and they're too stubburn to admit they did. Don't let it get to you...you have enough to worry about right now i'm sure! Good luck on your surgery, you'll be fine!! :)

Answer 5

Blogbaba's been married for 23 years and counting, and can tell you in all honesty you are over reacting. Wrist surgery isn't life threatening, and they wouldn't allow your husband back there during it any way. I makes no difference whether he waits in the hospital or drops you off and comes back to pick you up when its over, and either way he still loves you. Yes you are overly sensitive, but it's a nice over sensitive. Your husband is no different than any other guy, we wouldn't want to spend three or four hours in a hospital waiting room if we could escape the sentence, it would be like serving jail time for nothing. I am absolutely certain his concern for your well being is/was genuine. Don't hold it against him that he would rather wait for you elsewhere.

Answer 6

It was a little insensitive of him to forget about something that has been worrying you lately, but it's nothing to get mad about. If it was major surgery, then you would expect him to be there waiting to hear everything is all right. Minor surgery, even though it has its risks, is still relatively safe and he probably isn't realizing you expect him to be there anyway.

Answer 7

it could be an honest mistake that he didn't think about needing to be there during your surgery. The fact that you already told him you want him there "during" the surgery should have cleared things up. Guys can be stupid sometimes, especially when they don't think about your needs. You shouldn't be mad anymore, you have your surgery to worry about. Just make sure he knows you want him there during surgery & ya'll should be fine. Don't fight, you need your rest.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 8

there is a simple thing to fix your problems. see, i , speaking as a guy, know that your husband is not a mind reader, i'm not one either. if you want him to be there the whole time, you should've told him that. i'll bet if the roles were reversed, either he would have asked you to stay, or said "you don't have to wait, come back and pick me up." try communicating, it helps those of us that think with the other side of our brains know what you want. good luck on your surgery.

Answer 9

because unless you spell it out for them they truley are in their own world.not understanding that we need a hand to hold wether it physical or emotional you have the right to be angry, however if you want /need him there tell him honey im very nervous about tomarrow and could use a little back up support,

Answer 10

if it were the opposite way around, he would assume just as most men, that you would come to pick it up. i myself would not assume that wrist surgery was a big deal and probably not come and stay through the thing. dont take it as an insult, just explain to him how much this means to you.