I met my husband a year ago and he's been deployed to Iraq for most of our marriage, he wants children when he comes home and I decided I don't want children with him and I don't think I ever want to have children with him. How do I tell him?
2007-03-13 16:30:16 · 15 answers · asked by joejoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe you should have mentioned this before you & him were married.
Decision making goes both ways, not just your one way.
2007-03-13 16:34:47 · answer #1 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is usually a major topic of conversation most couples have before they get married honey. Either something has drastically changed in your lives, or you've changed your mind based on who he's become as a result of this war. Regardless of what the situation is, you need to sit him down and be completely honest with him about this. This, for some, is a deal breaker. Children are a HUGE part of life for some. It's good that you realized now you don't want any, rather than when you are six months pregnant sitting home alone while he's off on another deployment. And there is no easy way to tell him. This isn't an easy subject. You can't just say "Hi honey, pass the syrup and by the way I decided I don't want children with you". This is something that is going to take a heart to heart.
I wish you all the strength in the world to get you through this.
2007-03-13 23:42:43 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'd say if you don't want children tell him up front. It may break your marriage and you need to know this. What I don't understand is why you didn't address this before you got married. You have only been with your husband for less then a year. Sounds like you shouldn't have gotten married in the the first place, you didn't know each other well enough.
In addition, you don't want children with him. That's an alarming statement. So, are you willing to have children with a different man?
I'm thinking you got married too soon, and this may not be the guy for you. You should go talk to a professional; maybe a marriage counselor about this.
2007-03-13 23:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
However you tell him, you need to tell him as soon as possible. But this isn't a great conversation to have over the phone, so when's he's coming home?
I'm just curious...you said "I don't want children WITH HIM", is it JUST with him, or you don’t want children at all? And did you two talk about having children before you got married?
2007-03-13 23:53:39 · answer #4 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks you should have had that conversation before you got married dont you think?
Well dont tell him untill he gets home first off, god knows he does not need to hear that while being in the **** hole now. When he does get home, make a long deep conversation out of it. Make sure you both understand each others feelings and make this a dual decision.
2007-03-13 23:37:57 · answer #5 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Sally Mae your husband want kids than you are to give them to him if you can. If you truly don't want to have kids with him you need to be honestly so he can make a decision as to what to do. If you tell him the true then he will have to understand or leave but give him a choice as the same as you have a choice in not having him any kids.
2007-03-13 23:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by kool aid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are making decisions when he isn't even around to talk with you about them. Give him a chance to come home and get acclimated. Discuss this seriously, don't give ultimatums. You wouldn't appreciate it if you were serving your country, and someone decided something like this in your absence.
2007-03-13 23:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly and tactfully. Make sure you don't deceive him by putting him off or continuing on birth control but indicating to him that you're trying. Did the two of you discuss wanting children prior to getting married?
2007-03-13 23:34:46 · answer #8 · answered by Michele D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't you think that you should have decided this before you got married or is this a new thing...
either way, better tell him now...
honey, i love ya, but, no kids for me.
let him make the decision if he wants to stay with you or not.
2007-03-13 23:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by KRIS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that you need to be honest with him when he get back
and let him know that you dont want kids. but a qluestion to
you. if this is how you feel then why did this not come up before you got marry. something need to be address in the
beginning.
2007-03-13 23:38:20 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is willing to accept ur view, it is ok, otherwise get out of the marriage.
2007-03-14 00:21:13 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋