ADULTS ONLY. My husband won't...?

Question

My husband is really bad in bed. He won't perform oral on me because he doesn't like how woman taste. He also only lasts for about 10 minutes and performs limited foreplay. Our sex life is no exsistant and he says its because he lost stamina. He also smokes cigars and kissing him is aweful.

Were having problems with our non exsistant sex life and he won't see a sex therapist with me. I don't want a divorce. What should I do?

Answer 1

Talk to him and let him know what you have told us. If you can't get him to go for much foreplay maybe you could do it your self and let him watch..that way you are warmed up and ready to go and he will be too. You could try switching positions when you notice that he's about to climax. If he's on top and about to climax then roll him over and get on top of him. Sometimes that helps since it gives him a break. You could even try to incorporate some toys...my husband and I sometimes add a vibrator...I get the extra sensation on my clit and it vibrates him too so its a bonus for both of us. Just try to switch things up, maybe having sex in different rooms. I hope that things get better for you.

Answer 2

Ask him about some of HIS fantasies. Get him more interested in bed, and show him appreciation for going the extra mile (reward him even). Make sex more than sex. Men don't respond in the same way a lot of women do. A man is probably not going to be more interested in sex after a candlelit dinner, walk on the beach, or the "romantic stuff". He's probably looking for something new, which you shouldn't take as an insult. Watch porn with him (or dare I suggest take him to a strip club ONCE and buy both of you a lap dance). Tie him up if he lets you... then you have complete control. Or let him tie you up, but tell him you won't do it every day so he damn well better take his time enjoying it. When he's doing something right, toss a little acting in to make it sound even better than it is... this will motivate him to do it more because men like pleasing women. Another good idea is to take away EVERY source of distraction... TV (unless it's porn), telephones, etc. My girlfriend and I are always trying new things and our sex life is amazing... and these don't even have to be that extreme. Feed a few of his mild fantasies and then incorporate yours in. Once he learns how to please you he will do it more and get better at it. Just some suggestions...

Answer 3

sounds like your husband needs to overhall his whole act. He may be suffering pretty bad too on the inside but wont admit--he's a guy he'll never own up. Once his stamina and prowess have dropped his self esteem will be very low for sure, the knock on effect hits you twice as hard because you cant get what you want. If you can talk about it together but he doesnt want to see anyone then he will be open I am sure to better himself. Very few men can go to a stranger and admit they aren't any good in bed and dont satisfy their wives, its the worst thing for a man and so everyone suffers. I would suggest you both take a look at his health generally, drinking/smoking/exercise etc. Its a whole lifestyle thing that may need changing. Get healthier together, try to support each other. I got my husband to try something to help his stamina and for him to sustain a strong erection (definitely not viagra) so I got him on something called prelox blue and male factor one thousand. Together they have transformed him to how he used to be. Try www.myhealthabcmall.com, its run by a guy, if wants any advice on male performance enhancing and the guy is a nutritionist and can help get him in shape too. The prelox and male factor are all natural and will get his blood flow operating well so he can respond and have staying power. It has definitely worked. I hope this helps.

Answer 4

Several thoughts. Maybe he should see his regular MD. You don't mention ages, but perhaps with his smoking etc, he is having physical problems that can be solved. The next thing is honest communication without being critical. Focus on how you feel about the situation. As far as the foreplay, start without him. It can be a real turn on for our partner to see you pleasuring yourself, he might also learn what to do. Initiate sex when you are both clean, teeth brushed & just out of the shower. He may find oral sex more acceptable at that time, & you may find the kissing better.

Answer 5

Usually problems in the bedroom are just a symptom of another problem in your marriage. Look at your marriage close and see if there is something else wrong. Also men tend to feel emasculated admitting any sexual problems, especially to therapist or outsiders. Try to find a way to bring back the romance, spark the flame, just being close in an intimate way. Cause it's really about being together and making love rather than just having sex. But I would say it is a symptom of a bigger problem.

Answer 6

first off...there is a lot of things that you don't like about him. Have you talked to him about it? Explored any other options like porn? There is something wrong with him if he doesn't like how a woman tastes. All men do. They think that it is their rite as men to taste as many women as they can. Have you figured out what turns him on? There is also toys for you. They might not feel the same way but they do feel just as good or better. The other opposite is that you leave him and find someone else that can please you in that way. Believe it or not life is too short to wait for him. You deserve a chance to enjoy yourself. Sex is a part of a marriage that both parties need to argee about. Why should you do all of the work and he is the only one who gets off? Think about it. If he is selfish in the bedroom, how is he in other parts of the marriage?

Answer 7

sounds like you need to revamp things a bit. start an exercise program with him. this will help in a variety of ways... for one, a new want for improved fitness may make him want to give up smoking the cigars. also, improved fitness will help with the stamina issues he's experiencing. also as the pounds shed off his libido will pick up. now, the question of how to get back into a fitness program. start out with a semi-long term goal, one that is 3-4 months away, like a 5k or 10k. sign up for it as a couple and tell him it's very important to you that he does it with you. this'll encourage him to work out with you as you train for this goal, and in turn giving you two more quality time together rather than just vegging out in front of the television watching american idol or whatever. as far as the oral problem, i wish i could help you there. my best suggestion would probably be some sort of flavored sex cream for that area. it could mask the "taste", and possibly make it enjoyable for him. good luck

Answer 8

well he is a guy, theres no arguing that. he is not alone with the not liking performing oral on you. personally i like it, the smell and taste. i have mates that are like that too, but i also have mates that arent. they hate it. you can help by, making sure you are well groomed (maybe shave all, it might interest him them), only ask him to do it after you are showered so you are clean smelling.

the stamina thing can be resolved with diet. ive heard a diet high in zinc can increase a mans stamina. but he has to want to last longer and conrol himself.

as for the cigar thing and kissing? goodluck with that.

oh and no guy wants to see a sex therapist cos it bruises his manhood.

anyway, hope this helped a little

Answer 9

Buy a toy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then if you are close to your doctor ask them to give you a sample of vigara for him cuz he is embarrassed to come in and slip it to him, then let him suffer. It serves him right. Or is he having an affair ? That is a good sign, sorry. Start dressing up to go to the store then make him think, but make sure you change into something blah when you get home. Tell him you're doing it for you being he won't make you feel good. It will help you but it might hurt your marriage, But you have to make feel good about yourself too. Also remember what you eat comes through as well, for awhile I refused to give my husband at the time a bj because he ate grapefruit, it made it really sour.

Answer 10

i think it would be cool for you to take control and take the initiative to spice things up. dont just deal with the bad sex forever. pull him into new positions. use toys maybe. doesnt have ot be anything crazy or fancy. and really make him linger on the foreplay, like dont even move on and let him in until you're good and ready. and tell him you wont go down if he wont. or this has worked for me, u start to do it and get him all riled up and then say you wont finish unless he does it. it sounds cruel but they are so desperate at that moment that he will do it. also, cant he stop smoking cigarettes at leaast an hour before you're gonna do it?????