We have been married for 5 years. No kids. Last year we had a little bump in the road where the sex was not as often and it was very boring. I told her I was feeling a-sexual about our relationship. Later things started to get better, she started feeling better about herself and dressing better. Then I find out her co worker made a pass at her when I was out of town. She said nothing happened. She still hangs around this co-worker because they work together. She started picking up habits that I do not agree with (smoking pot, MySpace account..) but she said it was to find more friends to do things with. She started acting real funny the last couple of months (even wanted to stay in a hotel one night to clear her head). She tells me this week that the problem we are having is she does not find me sexually attractive. She says she loves me and I treat her so good but she oesn't have that fire. Do you lose that spark overtime? Dose it come back? Am I stupid and is she leaving?
2007-03-13 16:19:34 · 14 answers · asked by Just wonderin about it 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, a little while ago I could've been your wife. Honestly, and unfortunately, I would say she is thinking of leaving and also that she has something going on with her coworker. People will change to make themselves more appealing to someone they're interested in. She's dressing better, picking up new habits, hanging out with someone she knows is interested in her? I'm sorry, I had this exact same experience, where I told my husband I wasn't sure I wanted to be married or where we stood, I didn't find him attractive sexually, I was having somewhat of an emotional affair with a coworker. Once my coworker ended it I started to realize my husband wasn't as bad as I was making him out to be, I was being selfish. He is a great guy, he's not perfect, but neither was the other guy. Hopefully she realizes that you're better than he is. Tell her you love her, you want to do whatever it takes to stay together if that's true. But, let her work it out for herself. You can't pressure her. If she decides to leave, let her go. She'll resent you if you force her to stay. Hopefully in time she'll realize that you were the better choice, or she'll let you go to find someone who wants to be with you. Talk to her, make sure she knows how you feel.
2007-03-13 16:27:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that you are having problems.....it sucks when the one you love may have an eye on someone else. My suggestion would be two fold. On the first one, see about hiring a PI (private Investigator) so check up on her, and see if he/she can catch your spouse cheating on you....it will make it easier for you in the divorce and also you will have some straight answer instead of always questioning what she is saying. While the PI is doing the checking, see about some counselling, and see if you want to work it out. But I WOULD STRONGLY URGE YOU TOWARDS the PI....divorce can be messy and painful, but if you are prepared with ammunition going in, then she probably wont give you too much of a fight if at all. And if the PI finds nothing, then you know what she is telling you is truthful and you are already doing the counselling.
Good luck.
2007-03-13 16:41:39 · answer #2 · answered by lorencehill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling with or without her, is your first step. If you do decide to divorce, at least you will have some information. And either way, it will help you clear your head and decide what is the right thing to do. Something about your wife attracted you in the first place. Something made you want to spend the rest of your life with her. What does the relationship give you that you like? What does she make you feel that nobody else in the world does. What would your life be like without her? That last question is probably the most important one. Right now, and for the rest of your life, you have to work to make your life the best and happiest you can, because only you can make yourself happy.
2016-03-28 22:30:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it sounds like it! If you were already having trouble, even though you started working things out and it got better, she's obviously not totally satisfied. It sounds to me like she's at least thinking about getting together with somebody else, but maybe she hasn't acted on it yet.I would try to get her to talk to me and ask her how she's feeling. Maybe she just needed to get away to clear her head or maybe she's lying, only you have the best idea on that, but if you have a trust issue after five years you still have a problem even if she's not cheating on you. My own opinion is that she probably is, but I don't know you so I can't really say, I'm just giving you the best answer I can with the information you have provided. Good Luck honey!
2007-03-13 16:45:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. It does sound like she is participating in more extra curricular activites then you are aware of. I would go get a physical, with hold sex, and do a little investigating. I would venture to say she is messing around, but she likes her cake and wants to eat it to. Sounds like if you gave her the boot, she'd wind up at her co-workers. If she never found you attractive, she wouldn't of married you, had sex with you and stayed with you for 5 years. Seems to me she has found someone more attractive, new and exciting. She is unstable, cut her loose, watch what happens, and move on. You deserve the best, and she is definetly not it. Good luck.
2007-03-13 16:26:33 · answer #5 · answered by Shyler 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she is having a problem with the marriage then she should be with you in counseling and not at a hotel.Listen man,you guys have to seek help now before something happens that will damage your relationship forever.It sounds to me like she is either having an affair or is about to,and i can tell you from experience that it is hard looking back after that happens,so seek professional help now
2007-03-13 16:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hate to be the bearer of bad news but is definately a good possibility. I would say if she's willing, get some good counseling and not the religous kind if you know what I mean. Talk with her find out if there is anything that can be done. I have been here and i cannot say that it turned out great either. Sorry
=(
2007-03-13 16:27:10 · answer #7 · answered by D B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unfortunately the love one use to feel for their spouse often goes somewhere else the minute someone comes into the relationship that isn't suppose to be there. the firs she speaks of is the honeymoon period in a relationship, that is just lust, and does wane over time. but love is not a feeling its really a decision, sometimes immature people get it mixed up. she doesn't need to find herself, she already knows where she is at, and it doesn't seem her heart is with u. if she doesn't find u attractive, u need to rethink just why u want to be in this relationship. she really is insulting u, and showing u disrespect for u and the marriage.
2007-03-14 04:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has some underlying problems before you got married that you didn't know about including substance abuse. It also sounds as if she is involved with another man. None of that looks good. Start thinking of your response if she indeed says she is leaving.. Don't get caught off guard!
And never forget someone nicer is out there for you!
2007-03-13 16:28:03 · answer #9 · answered by goodness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a woman's viewpoint, she's looking for a way out without a fight. Think she would go to marriage counseling? I would guess this co-worker is more than he should be. Good luck
2007-03-13 16:26:41 · answer #10 · answered by Debbie R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋