Just curious? please open it and give me your opinion?

Question

People. They consider me weird, as I`m deeply into poetry and writing, I think of myself as a blend-in in nature and have problems to really relate socially. I don`t like being with people much, they seem so shallow..
I just adore to walk barefeet on the soft blades of grass splashed with little dew crystals, sing by the brilliant lady the Moon, marvel over that huge black sky splashed with diamonds, hear the robin`s sweet melody, read and get into all kinds of adventures, feel the breeze touch my skin and blow my dark gold curls from my face..
Is this such a crime? I know I`m not that special, I know I`m not something amazing. But I`m curious.. I would like to be a phantom, and just observe..
I`m only 15 years old, and already tired with love.
Am I such a klutz?
What am I?
Why?
What can I do, people just can`t seem to leave me be?

Answer 1

Wow! What a refreshing question! Thank you for posting this - I really enjoyed reading it. It brought back memories of how I used to feel when I was 15. People kept calling me "anti-social" my parents kept trying to medicate me and put me into therapy. Eventually after all that conditioning I became a "functional adult"..... for about 15 years. Then my true self came back. Only this time it was a disaster! I am one of those people who is quiet, I don't like to socialize much, I like to spend time alone, travel the world, etc... Society tried to "medicate" me and "therapize" me into what everyone else is.... and it backfired. Not just on them, on me too. I tried to do the "9-5 office thing" and after 4 years of listening to the person in the cubicle next to mine's "easy listening" station all day, and the redundancy of office work, I had a breakdown. I also started drinking just to get through the day because it was just so unbearable. I kept looking at all my fellow office workers and kept thinking:

"How are they OK with living this life? It's so boring and pointless! Day after day, the same tasks, the same meaningless conversations, UGH!!!! How am I supposed to do this until I'm 65?!?! And If I live to be 65 - that's when I get to live my life?! How is that fair?"

I felt like I was living in a pre-paid prison sentence: Like you "do the time" and then you can "do the crime". You know what I mean? For example: We all have to pay our debt to society up front - and when our "sentence is over" at age 65 - then you are free to have all the fun you want. I was only 27 the first time that thought entered my head.

By the time I was 30 I was running into the basement parking lot every 30 minutes in tears thinking: "What am I going to do?!?! I can't do this for 35 more years. I can't! I'd rather be dead. I don't want to get married, I don't want to have 2.5 kids and have a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence!!!! What do I do?!?! How do I get out of this life??!!!"

So, I did the "responsible adult thing" and "got help". Medicated myself again, went to therapy, read self-help books. AGAIN - it only worked for a short while. Did I mention I lost my job 3 times (ironicly it wasn't my fault - the companies went out of business!!!!) so that meant trying to find yet ANOTHER meaningless job. I hated going to interviews, forced to say all the "right things" and compete for a job I didn't really even want.

Things finally changed after 9/11. I looked at all those people who were dying before my eyes. I knew a lot of them. I know there were people in those buildings who felt like me, Were forced into living a lifestyle they didn't really want to live.

Some wanted to be artists, some wanted to be actors, some wanted to be musicians. But here we were - "trying to make society happy" and now I was watching people as miserable as me - die at the office jobs they secretly hated and never really wanted to do.

That was when I decided: Enough! That's not going to be me. I will not live my life the way society wants me to live it. I will not work at a job that I hate and make babies and do what is "expected of me". I am going to STOP trying to make OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY and I'm going to START making myself happy. I just hoped it wasn't too late. Thank GAWD it wasn't.

I took my severence package and went on unemployment. I started taking acting classes, going to auditions, within a couple of years I was finally able to get enough work to earn a decent living doing what I REALLY want to do, and I don't have to adhere to a Mon-Fri 9-6 schedule. I don't make really great money like I used to with the office job that was making me suicidal - but then again, what's the use of having a fat paycheck when you're only going to drink yourself to death before you get to do anything with it?

The bottomline of this epic response is: There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Yes, other people think there is, but that is because they can't understand why you aren't brainwashed into thinking the way the majority of society thinks. You are the one they can't seem to "crack". So, my advice to you is: try to play along for the next 3 years until you are 18 and legally an adult. Then you can do anything you want. And if you want to go to college - fine. Go. But only go if it's because its something YOU want to do for YOURSELF, not your parents, or friends or to make anybody else happy. If you don't want to go to college and you'd rather get a part-time job to earn enough money just to pay for your next trip to Europe - you should do that. Don't try to fit in - some of us.... that's just not meant to be our path in life. And there enough people doing that kind of lifestyle anyway - they don't need anymore members in that club. You say people think YOU are weird??!!? You should think all these "Stepford Wives" are weird!!!! (If you don't know what I'm talking about - rent that movie. Either the 1970's version or the 2003 version - that will make you think twice about wanting to be "the perfect society person"!! Who wants to be like that?!?.... in fact, speaking of "Stepford Wives" It's on F/X right now...) Look at the people who think you are weird and feel sorry for them. They are the ones who can't appreciate a "soft blade of grass splashed with dew crystals" because they'll be too busy car-pooling their screaming brats to soccer practice and making appoinments on their PDA. They are the ones so "over-stimulated" by multi-tasking and trying to impress their next-door neighbors that they will never "marvel over that huge black sky splashed with diamonds" because they are too busy and distracted!

The next 3 years are critical - and the adults in your life know that. Your parents, your guidance counsellor, your teachers.... they know time is running out to "mold" you into "one of them"... you know... those "Robot" people I described above. Don't let them know you are resisting. Pretend to play along. (just a little to show you are "trying" - don't do a 180 and become a blonde cheerleader, yech!) Once you're 18 they can't force their ways on you anymore. The can't force you to go to therapy and be on medication. Just make a half-hearted attempt to be social.

Think about what I said. Don't try to become something you are not. At 15 you know who you really are. 15 years from now, the people who think you're "weird" will be jealous of you while they are typing in their office in the States and you are typing your lastest novel from a laptop at a cafe in Paris.

Answer 2

Your pride in seeing all other people as "shallow" is a sure sign that somebody needs to change, and its not them its you.

Otherwise the isolation you think you like, will one day be so intense that you will feel very alone,, you need to learn to love people, and reclaim the beauty in building good friendships.

Jesus said of all the things to do, the most important is to
1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, and ...
2. "to love others as yourself" (respect yourself, and value yourself, but not in an arrogant way, then reflect that to others)

This is the best thing you can do, if you want to live a truly forfilling and happy life...
reclaim the beauty of other people, lern

I do really like your creative writting talent on how you describe your fancy's

And im sure you have had some very serious relationships, and tasted love,, but at 15 there is still so much more to learn about love,,, if you want to know what REAL love is, find out what Jesus did for you,(john chapter 3, and read corinthians 13 from the bible if you are open.

God Bless you in your journey of life

(-:

Answer 3

I don't think being a loner is such a bad thing...at 15 your world is actually one dimensional....hang on to those things that make you...you, you will be fine once you get to college and can focus on the things that matter to you, and discover how many are like you, so don't sell out, just because you want to fit in.