How do I deal?

Question

I keep going back & forth about what I want to do about my husband...to stay married or divorce him. It seems like everyday I second guess myself and don't know what to do. I want to stay married but I don't want to be cheated on so I don't know. I get mad, then sad, then mad, etc. I keep thinking about the thongs and bra that he said he bought for me that I never got and wasn't my size anyway. He said he took them back but didn't, I have the tags and receipt. So I keep thinking about him being with some other woman while she is wearing the lingerie that he bought her and that he probably eventually took off her. I get so ticked off and disgusted thinking about that because it is so nasty to think of him with someone else. But this helps me not be as sad because it ticks me off so bad. Will I ever get over this???? Even if we get divorced will I ever be able to trust another man again because right now it doesn't seem like I ever would? This is so confusing for me!

Also, Saturday night he left at 6:30pm and came home at like 3:30am. Sunday night he left at 8:00pm and didn't come home at all. Yesterday he worked from 2:00pm to 11:00pm and didn't come home at all after work. So he isn't helping to make things better.

Answer 1

If you are second guessing yourself now than chances are you are going to second guessing yourself later on down the road- should you decide to stay. I think you deserve to be happy and I dont think you will be happy in this relationship with all the trust gone. You do not deserve to spend day and nite worrying and wondering about what your husband is up to. I think the best solution is to take a "break" from your husband and take the time to think about these things with a clear mind. Without the increased stress, you will be able to make the decision by yourself. But you need to take the beak to enable yourself to look at the situation from the outside.

Answer 2

You need to find out if he really is/was cheating. You're driving yourself crazy over something that really could be nothing. Ok, I know it looks suspicious, but I honestly know a girl who's waist was a 24 and her husband (being a clueless male) went into a plus size store to buy size 24 pants, not even realizing how huge they would be on his wife. All he knew was that she was a 24. Also, he couldn't return undergarments, they won't let you (thank goodness). So, that could be why you found the receipts still.
If he is cheating, you need to figure out, with him, what you want to do. Tell him he can't have both his mistress and you and he needs to choose one or the other. Or, if you can no longer trust him, there is no relationship left and you should get out. Please find out the truth before ruining a marriage and your sanity!

Answer 3

Honey, get out now! You deserve so much better than the trash that you are married to. Yes, it will hurt like hell but you'll be stronger because of it. Divorce him and take everything that you can with you. Leave his sorry @ss and don't look back. you can find love elsewhere. I don't know if you'll be able to trust another man again, that's completely up to you. Good luck and I hope you find happiness.

Answer 4

I've read your post on this before. I know it must be difficult for you. You got sideswiped and it's not right or fair. Does he seem to have empathy for you or feel badly about what he has done? Or is he taking a defensive approach and acting like nothing happened?

I think you may want to seek counseling to try to help you deal with this and guide you in what direction may be best for you.
I've been through a similar situation. We reconsiled after a long time but I still have my doubts even though he seems to be trying to do everything to make this right.

Good luck to you. Be strong.

Answer 5

When you love somebody it's hard, but let me tell you something....if you know you cannot trust him still, then you need to move on. You're wasting precious time, and you're talking to someone (or rather, I'm typing to you) that has wasted WAY too much time and could kick herself in the ying yang for it. Step out of it, and find a man that won't make you feel like that, and where YOU know YOU will be the one wearing the thong!

Answer 6

You gotta decide if you want to get over this ordeal, if you do, then stay married. If you don't and are going to hang this over his head the rest of the marriage, then get a divorce. If you want to get over something, you have to want to get over it. If you do get a divorce and start another relationship, then don't make this new guy the bad guy. It's not fair to him. Not all men are the same.

Answer 7

He is not going to change, so you will have to either choose to be sad, get a divorce, and waste years being bitter - OR - you can choose to be happy, change your attitude, and just give him permission, so he won't have to lie to you anymore. Maybe offer to join in, if the the girl is cute. Really, life can be fun if you let go of unrealistic expectations and rules.

Answer 8

Dump him.Just don't make all men suffer.Their are some honest guys who don't cheat.I would make that bra,&thong the most expensive two items he's everbpurchased.Take his stupid *** to divorce court,Leave him nothing,and find a real man who is worthy of your committment.Damn worthless cheating bastard.make sure the door hits him in the ***.

Answer 9

So, you already know he is cheating. You need to talk to him about WHY. Without yelling...without crying (if possible). Is it just for the sex, or is it for something more that he thinks he is
missing. Is it his way to get back at you for something he thinks you did or how you treat him. Listen to him with an open mind and try to be unemotional. Then decide. THEN yell and scream at him.

Answer 10

Confront your husband about it, you took marriage vows. I would show him the receipt and tags that I still had. If you are willing to work on things then you should try, but I would want him to go to counseling, if not then I would file for divorce.