Before we got married we were really great friends, we played poker together with our friends, watched movies, played video games and basically just hung out and it was great. The things that didn't work in our marriage were finances and chores, stupid stuff that you don't deal with in a friendship. So I was hoping we could both realize that the divorce is a necessary evil and move on but still talk and hang out. Well he keeps telling me that we can but one day he'll ignore my calls and the next he's texting me eight times and calling me and asking why I won't talk to him. And then when I go to his apartment to get my stuff he hugs me and wants to make out and the next day he ignores me and then the day after that he's calling me again. I'm just so confused and know that I need to not talk to him or see him for a couple of months but I'm scared if I do that he'll feel abandoned and not want to talk to me. I'm only 22 and he's 24, we were just too young and immature to make it work.
2007-03-13 14:49:19 · 17 answers · asked by hideemosquito 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's HIM that isn't willing to make it work. I asked him to go to counseling with me, I've made some big changes in my life such as hiring a personal trainer to make myself look good for him, been neater around the house and he just will not change. He says he doesn't want to change and I know that until he does he won't be happy with anyone. I have fought for this realationship so much so that I have lost myself in it. It took seperating for a while for me to realize it. We don't work as a married couple. That's all there is to it at this point and I have tried.
2007-03-13 15:00:10 · update #1
Divorce is a necessary evil? I'm sorry, but that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You are too young and immature, but you're not too young to make it work. You're just too lazy. You'll regret it later. You just want someone there, you just want to know that he'll be there no matter what after the divorce. How selfish of you. What's the problem? Why don't you want to be together? Marriage isn't the easiest thing in the world, but you have to be with each other through thick and thin. You should have realized that before you two got married.
2007-03-13 14:53:49 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
By what you are doing and the past history you have, you have gone through two different levels of relationship and neither one of you can keep on one level or another. No I don't see you remaining friends. You said it yourself, you are both too young and immature to make your marriage or a friendship work. Trust me when I say this, when the divorce becomes final and you did decide to hang out as friends again - jealousy would start to come into play every time someone tries to get involved with one of you. If you don't think that will happen and that you are more mature than that, print this answer off and read the last four words here.
I TOLD YOU SO.
2007-03-13 14:59:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is a tricky thing. 1.If you truely were just friends then you wouldn't have gotten married in the first place. 2. For a while it might work but if either of you find someone else..look out. The new mate for both may find it as a reason for jealousy! Generally you'll drift apart just like you drift away from your single friends when married. It just generally happens. You need to discover your own identity..then if you still feel that way ..good luck but if your choices..likes and dislikes change then go with the flow! Or better yet if its that important don't get divorced... A marriage is like a bad CD..you can't just by another copie to replace the first one!
2007-03-13 15:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by Dark Knight 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if you're filing for divorce no more making out, or texting etc. You are ending your marriage so you don't get to play "boyfriend and girlfriend". Stop worrying about him feeling "abandonded" and if he doesn't talk to you later on that's just the way it is. Yes I can see where YOU especially are far to young for an adult relationship...you're still working with a highshool mentallity. Like you're worried that if you're not nice to this guy you won't have a date for the prom. Life is full of little disappointments. You are ending a marriage. That's serious stuff whether you think it is or not. You have to learn how to give up the "playing house" fantasy and grow up.
2007-03-13 14:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
for your question, it is possible for divorced couples to remain friends....
i guess you're more mature that your husband for finances and chores should be shared between the two of you, and should not be fought over.
you have made the right decision to divorce him, give him time, ignore him, find a new relationship, but don't rush into marriage!
set your self free!
good luck
2007-03-13 21:02:21 · answer #5 · answered by unhappily married 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you both tried marriage counseling yet to see if there is any saving or working on this marriage at all? Do not give up just yet .... Yes remain friends if at all possible but i say to try to work on the marriage before giving up on it completely first.
2007-03-13 15:00:50 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you got the last part right, (we were just too young and immature) besides he's still too inmature, wht he wants is sex, & he's manupilating you to get what he wants, there will be emotional baggages aftre the breakup, friends will ask, & each will try to put the other person in a bad light to justify the breakup, some stupid stuff that you don't anticipate to deal with in a divorce
2007-03-13 15:08:14 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamweaver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. I know many ex-couples who make better friends then being together in a relationship. Some said it was awkward seeing the other in another relationship at first but they kept their friendship.
2007-03-13 14:57:12 · answer #8 · answered by candy w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I doubt it both you will eventually find someone else and that will take up most of your time. Also who ever you meet later in life might not be comfortable with your ex hanging around.
2007-03-13 14:58:09 · answer #9 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if i were you i would just stop talking to him for awhile. he can't make up his mind if he doesn't want to be with you or not. and if you are sure you don't want to be with him, just stop talking. later on if he truly still cares about you, but not in a relationship way he will want to be friends. but you will not be close friends. when me and my ex broke it off it took awhile, but after a year we started talking and now we are friends. but i think when you get involved with somebody else you are with them and you only tell them all of your everyday stuff, and so i think you can only be so close to your ex, or one of you might start to get feelings for the other. that's just my situation, hope it helps!
2007-03-13 15:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by BLAINE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋