You should have told him all of this crap when you two were dating. How would you feel? You can't "fix" this. He has to want to be in this marriage with you. I would be pissed as hell if I was him. Try to be considerate of his feelings, not just yours.
2007-03-13 14:48:21
·
answer #1
·
answered by SillyKimmie 4
·
2⤊
0⤋
I can empathize with hubby (and I’m a woman).
First, you waited 8 months to even tell him that you had a child. BIG MISTAKE. That’s a pretty important piece of information, don’t you think?
Second, apparently bio-Dad isn’t providing support, since he doesn’t even know the child exist, so that means ALL support for this child is coming from your and hubby’s household income. Hubby’s probably thinking [1] the man has a right know he has a child...and he does--the reason you gave for not telling him is a horrible one. [2] Bio-dad should be providing for the child...it’s HIS responsibility, not hubby’s.
All that is a lot to dump on a man. I’m not surprised hubby's having difficulty dealing with it. He may not be able to deal with it.
It’s likely not the fact that you have a child that’s the issue (many women do have children from previous relationships)...it’s all the other things (the lying, keeping bio-dad in the dark, etc).
What can you do? Maybe nothing. That will depend on *hubby*.
2007-03-13 22:48:44
·
answer #2
·
answered by kp 7
·
1⤊
0⤋
You are better off without him. You have one priority, your son, not the piece of crap you married. get rid of him. If he is not bonding with your 3.5 son, it is the adults fault.... He is a dog that needs to be put out. Why would you be with a man that doesn't love your child? You sound like a confused girl, not a mother, just a girl. So sorry for your son, a bad step dad and a questionable mom.
2007-03-14 03:18:43
·
answer #3
·
answered by Patrick G 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
Sounds like a lot of BS happening here. Why doesn't the bio dad know he has a son? Maybe you're husband has the right idea leaving.
2007-03-13 21:47:25
·
answer #4
·
answered by m k 5
·
2⤊
0⤋
First of all, I give you a big hug! You must be so sad and confused. But you know sweetie, eventhogh you were not honest with him at the beginning, before you got married, he knew everything about your story and your kid, no?
You love him very much, but there is a small child that needs you, and his/her only advocate is her own mother.
I would hate to suggest you to choose, but either he loves both of you, or he is not the right guy for you.
Real love is bigger than that, and you and your baby deserve more. Don't settle for less.
Best of Luck!
2007-03-13 21:54:24
·
answer #5
·
answered by GrandMamma 2
·
0⤊
1⤋
You started all of this without pure honesty involved in your relationship. Without honesty, you can have no trust, without trust you can have no marriage. As far as fixing it, it will require your husband to forgive you for the dishonesty and being able to trust you again. Whether he is capable of that is up to him. You cannot force him to change his attitude. Trust is something you earn. You can ask him to discuss this problem with you, but I would give him time to think. It would be no different than if he had kept something from you and you had to find out the truth in pieces to. For every mistake we make in life there is always a consequence. If the marriage will survive it will take patience on your part and forgiveness on his. Good Luck.
2007-03-13 21:51:22
·
answer #6
·
answered by Anonymous
·
1⤊
1⤋
Be patient and PRAY! God is the only one that is truely going to know what happens and He is the one in control. Stay calm and be there for your son. If your husband can't deal with your son or your past, and you have tried everything you could, the get the marriage anulled and move on with your life. There are better men out there that would love a son! Good luck!
2007-03-13 21:47:22
·
answer #7
·
answered by vvvlambert 2
·
1⤊
2⤋
You are headed for divorce court dear; first you lied to him for 8 months; then he finds out the father of your child is one of his high school buddies......guess you should have mentioned that when you mentioned you had a three year old son. Let this be a lesson to you.....tell the truth, always, what'd you think you could hide a 3 year old?????????
2007-03-13 21:45:36
·
answer #8
·
answered by abc 7
·
3⤊
0⤋
Sounds like your hubby had a shocker of who the bio-dad is. Sorry you are going thru this. Did you explain to him before he took off that you are married to him, and not the bio-dad, and why? Just please give it a little more time-about a week or so. You may hear from him-you may not. Is there a way you could get ahold of his parents? Or some friend of his? Please be prepared either way. Take care.
2007-03-13 21:50:31
·
answer #9
·
answered by SAK 6
·
0⤊
1⤋
Wow. You need to be upfront with him from now on as you have found out. For many guys its a big deal. I mean its a big responsibility to have an "instant" family like that. I'm sure it will blow over as it takes guys time to process. It especially hurts since he knows the guy. I wouldn't want to know whoever my wife had a serious relationship with. I'm extremely possessive about things like that. I admit it's a character flaw. Nobody's perfect. Give him time he will adjust.
2007-03-13 21:48:26
·
answer #10
·
answered by bigdaddy 2
·
0⤊
1⤋
Have you heard of honesty? Sounds like ya'll both need to explore it!!! Failure to mention a child - what kind of relationship did you start? He might just be paying you back for that. Sounds like trust is going to be hard to ever achieve for you both.
2007-03-13 22:03:51
·
answer #11
·
answered by ms_debbieg 3
·
0⤊
0⤋