Opinons on my poem?

Question

An ocean begins to form in front of me
drop by drop it expands
it grows
the lines start to run
faster and faster towards the finish line that is my penstroke

A soliloquy of laughter
heard only by the frightened inner child - an audience

A smile crosses his reflection in the salt water pool
The soliloquy that is my laughter cuts out.
The crowd that are those I chose to surround myself with
chime in.

Invisible voices pounding 'gainst my head
I yell stop
Back to soliloquy.

My paper's been destroyed.
Converted with the writer's tears from not-so-blank canvas
to a blot of unreadable writing
to a blot of ink in an ever-growing puddle of tears.

I see myself in the salt water pool cumulating on my desk;
Just me
Yelling stop
In a soliloquy.

Constructive critisism please. I'll take it back and rewrite when I've gotten some.

Answer 1

That was extremely good. It kept my attention throughout.

A great conclusion of "yelling stop, in a soliloquy"

I think that you have found a great way to articulate you talent...

Answer 2

Your imagry is quite nice but you need some work on meter and flow. Even prose has flow to it if it's done right. Try reading your work aloud to yourself and listen for the flow. It should be lyrical, light and flow off your tongue. Hope that helps. Keep it up. C.

Answer 3

It good but the only reason it's good is b/c it came from your heart so keep writing and showing yourtalent :-)