Once your spouse has an affair (you know but he won't admit) is there anyway to get back what you used to have? Would there always be doubt and concern that he is doing it again or still doing it? Is this irreversible damage to the relationship if he is doesn't tell you everything and you don't ever get to know what is really going on? If this isn't the first time he has betrayed you in some way, is this fixable or is divorce inevitable?
2007-03-13 13:19:10 · 15 answers · asked by love my life 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your marriage can be saved, if you are willing to work at it. Try your best to to be someone that he looks forward to coming home to. Be happy (fake it till you make it).
Tell him nice things like you might like to hear (things I did) compliment. Be fun to be around. Stay neat, smell nice and clean. Be yourself and drop your fears while you are working on this marriage. It can be saved and you & he can do it together and don't keep accusing and bringing up the past. Hold your ground and work this bug out. God bless you ~~Jill
My son retired fom the U.S Navy in Dec. 2006. Has a wife and 2 sons. They made it. Ya'll can too.~~~~Blessings
2007-03-13 14:55:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not inevitable. I did some really dumb stuff, well, tried to do some stuff back when we were engaged and got caught. She brings it up every now and then, and it's always there in the background it's like the elephant in the room of the relationship. It's been like 9 years and little has changed. I don't have the taste in my mouth like I used to for it; either I'm getting old or the idea of going out into the streets doesn't excite me the way it once did but she doesn't see it any differently. Far as she's concerned if the opportunity presents itself I'd be right there.
Thing about infidelity is that the relationship is viewed differently; if you leave them you wonder what the relationship could have been if you'd stayed, and if you stay you wonder what it could have been if that other person hadn't cheated. You're also continually looking behind your back if you stay; some can deal with it some can't, I can't guarantee that divorce is inevitable in that type of a situation but it sure is on the horizon ....
2007-03-13 20:33:50 · answer #2 · answered by collard greens with hash browns 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This can be fixable if you both want it to be and want the marriage and work on it together. Also seek marriage counseling and help if need be. Do not ask him for all of the details right away just try working on your marriage first and seeking counseling and help at first and over time i feel he will open up someday and be able to tell you more. You know he cheated and that he is sorry right? If so you will need to learn to forgive and not worry so much about the details. If you cannot get past this and forgive then you need to get out and file for divorce. The choice is up to you now.
2007-03-13 20:34:05 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends totally on you and what or how much youre willing to put up with. It takes a really special person to forgive and forget and move on. There will always be a constant doubt in your mind that will arise quite often especially on phone hang ups or if hes late coming home or any little thing. It will come up in fights too as mud slinging, intentional or not. If he cant come clean once you found out then what else is he hiding? Marriage counseling could possibly help but it will never get rid of the doubt feelings. Its up to you. Good luck
2007-03-13 20:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm a great believer in "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour". I would always wonder, always second-guess, always be concerned. Not that divorce would be inevitable, but I sure as heck wouldn't be having sex with a roving partner, if I were, be tested for STDs and HIV/AIDs; and I sure as heck wouldn't be having children, and bringing them into this type of situation.
2007-03-14 08:21:26 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion....No. An affair is the WORST thing someone can do to another....your trust in that person is gone.....your self worth is shattered....I would rather take a physical beating than have someone cheat on me again. At least when you get a beating you know that it will heal in time with an affair...in my case anyway....even after you move on you find it hard to trust someone again....its a very hard thing to deal with.
2007-03-13 20:32:23 · answer #6 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
things might not be the same again. It has happened to me before and even though the person cleans up u will always have doubts.
i think people can still make things work. If he doesnt admit it then i beleieve he was scared losing you which is no excuse but try and give it time and work things out. Breaking up hurts and you never know if the next person will be worse than him.
pls try to sort thing out.
2007-03-13 20:27:51 · answer #7 · answered by discover 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only way to fix it is for him to admit his guilt.Then both of you can sit down and try to work out the problem. If he continues to lie about what happened then neither of you will be able to move forward from where you are in your relationship.
2007-03-13 20:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All things can be fixed, and all things can be forgiven, but all things cannto be forgotten. Yes, it will remain in the back of your mind forever. What he has to realize is that you can't just jump up and trust him just because he has come clean which apparently he has not, any way trust had to be earned....it is not given freely. He is going ot have to come clean on it, and if you have proof that he has cheated, then you have to make copies of that proof, and show him (the copies only). I am sorry this has happened to you, and I do hope that it works out.
2007-03-13 20:43:49 · answer #9 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
not all marriages fail because of an affair.
you said you are not sure if he is having an affair.
in my opinion once a cheat always a cheat. i personally, wouldn't put up with it but you are not me.
talk to him, get some help. and see how things go.
good luck.
2007-03-13 20:34:01 · answer #10 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋