How do you cope with loss and death?

Question

My grandmother is seriously ill and as a result we've come to expect the worst. The possibility of her passing away had never occurred to me-I mean I've always thought of it as something that belonged to the distant future-and now it seems closer than ever. I started crying as soon as I realised its probability and the effect it could have on my mother-losing a parent can be nothing but painful. I know I have to be strong; I just don't know how.

Answer 1

It's something we all have to deal with at sometime in our lives, you're not going to be able to control how you feel. You just have to let it run its course. Everyone deals with grief in different ways. The worst thing I've found is bottling it all up because in the end it'll just get too much for you, let it out, talk to people, people will listen. The inevitable will happen but just enjoy what you've got wtih them now, I'm sure it'll make them happier if they know you're enjoying being with them rather than just being upset all the time, waiting and thinking about them passing away. There are many groups of people to talk to, your friends and family will listen, if it gets too much there's your GP or counselling. Just remember you're not alone. I work as a Pharmacist and I was once talking to a regular patient for over 2 hours because their father had just died. (They'd only come in to pick up a box of tablets!). Sometimes they just need someone to listen to them and it's the most satisfying thing when they leave feeling better than when they came in! No-one will judge you however you feel because everyone knows that people deal with things in different ways and you will find your own coping strategy when it comes to it but it's difficult to work that out before because you don't know exactly how your emotions are going to be.

Answer 2

I was in the same situation as you exactly a year ago. My grandma became ill and passed a few hours before I was able to get home from college to see her. I had never lost anyone I was so close to before.

I won't lie: it's going to be one of the most difficult things you go through. The night before my grandma's funeral, I dreaded falling asleep because I knew when dawn came, I'd have to go to her funeral. It was the toughest day of my life thusfar.

The best thing I can tell you is to bond with your family for support/comfort; they'll need it, too. Sometimes talking about how you feel with an empathetic friend, with an open ear and shoulder, can help. Other than that, it will take time for the intense pain and grief to subside.

After you've grieved for a bit, it's important to get back to your daily life - grab a bite with a friend, go for a jog in the park and get some sunshine, go shopping, do your favorite activities - it will help you feel better and eliminate prolonged grieving.

Since she was such a special person to you and one who holds a special place in your heart, there will always be times when you find yourself missing her. But it does get easier with time.

::hugs::

Answer 3

You NEED to grieve first. A lot of people try and make themselves busy by doing this and that and hoping that it will go away, but it wont! You can't carry on with your life until you have fully and totally grieved! Why keep it all inside where it will build up and you will feel a lot worse!

Spend a whole day or two by yourself in a quiet place away from distractions and others and totally grieve all your feelings inside and out. Slowly come to terms with the fact that it has happened, and you will start to recover from the shock. The next step is to accept that it has happened. Then when you have finally come to terms with it all, start to take each day as it comes, slowly going back to normal in your daily routine and you will be fine.

Answer 4

Unfortunately in life, death is an inevitable yet natural event. I know exactly how your family and yourself will feel. I lost my mother suddenly in 2004. She was 48 but grandmother to 4. Cut us to pieces all of us, and broke our hearts. It took a long time to come to terms with, but I was forced dramatically to snap myself out of it when I nearly lost my daughter too. All I can say is be there for each other. Family and love is a strong support that will get you through anything. Especially now. God bless.

Answer 5

the two are perplexing of their own strategies. looking at an in depth one die gradually and slowly is amazingly painful for a protracted time. it fairly is extra painful for the guy and others to be interior the death mattress or some terminal ailment devoid of wish. it fairly is devastating previous words. yet whilst it actual happens you're emotional exhausted and your grieving is already performed,so which you progression on. whilst an in depth one dies unexpectedly and suddenly it fairly is a ask your self and catches us off shield and it may supply us so plenty extra grief. that's totally problematical on kin who're based economically. yet you have a tendency to go on after a while so in that experience it fairly is way less prolonged affliction.

Answer 6

When the time comes, you'll grieve with your family. Don't try to be strong, just let your grief out. Death is a terrible shock. The finality of it is something no-one can prepare you for, but we all go through it. You WILL all come out the other end, but it takes time.

Answer 7

There is no easy anwser, talking with your minister might help, having other family around for support is good also, these are just ideas. Like I said there are no easy answers, I lost my mother in August, and my grandmother in November of 2006 I was with them both when they passed and am still greving

Answer 8

One of the best way to get you through it is laughter. Think of the fun and the silly things that they did in the life and every time you think about it try to laugh. Its going to be very hard but the world that they are going to isn't a bad place.

Answer 9

You are being strong by allowing yourself to feel the pain. If a bone breaks we have to have pain to heal. The same with grief. It was supposed to be painful, its not fair but true. Time DOES NOT heal all wounds. You have to work through your grief to heal or worse things will happen, like depression. You must allow yourself to feel horrible, its ok to show it to your mom. She will be ok. She needs to deal with grief in her own way. Pain is relative. I have helped people who feel more "pain" with the death of a pet than others with the death of a human. I do not discount their pain. It is as real as yours. Do not discount your own pain. There are no magic words to help you. I can say that if you allow yourself to feel pain and take the time to focus on yourself things should (almost absoultely) get better. Usually it will take months to years. That is ok. If you do not grieve now then you will it come out in 20 years and have no clue why.
You need to talk with someone about this. Is hospice involved. If they are then a counselor is already assigned. All you have to do is talk. If you do not have hospice then talk with your mom about getting them, or I will call them and have them call you. Hosice does is not a death sentence. In fact people live longer when hospice gets involved and some people do get better and no longer need us (like my 100 year old grandmother) If your Grandmother has medicare hospice is free. I am a hospice counselor (Liscensed Mental Health Counselor) and I have been doing it for many years. If you want I can find a referral in your area or at least send you some literature to help. I spend alot of time in counseling with people who did not allow themselves to grieve and it causes massive damage down the line. Remember what you are feeling is NORMAL, the next few months are going to be hard but you will emerge from the darkness, but you need to be in the dark for a bit. The best thing you can do for your mom is to take care of yourself. Eat, sleep and exercise. Ask your mom how she feels and tell her how you feel. Encourage her to take care of herself. Cry with her, hold her and let her hold you. Let others reach out to you. I am proud you are asking for help. Keep it up. I will help anyway I can.

Answer 10

Remember the best and worst of the departed.
Remember what you loved about them and think of them often after they are gone.
If you cry cry as much as you want. Grief comes out in tears.
Last of all stay busy.