I told my husband I did not want him smoking weed anymore and he does not want to give it up! It really bothers me because it makes him want to go out more than if he didn't smoke. We have two small kids and I told him we need to set an example for them and I didn't want it around them. Today he told me he will stop until we get our house built and then see about stopping completely, but I know it's not going to happen. I want to start going back to church and start living a better life and he does not. Should I have to stick around and put up with it?
2007-03-13 11:49:11 · 26 answers · asked by wifey 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
tell him if he can do it for two months then he can go cold turkey.And if he really loves you and wants your marriage to work then he'll do it and tell him how bad it is for both of you to do it or be around it how expensive it is and how you guys can go on a nice vaction if he would go cold turkey and it'd be a better life for the both of you.
2007-03-13 11:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Are you his mother ? Who gave you the authority to tell a man what to do . This man is building you a house for God sakes . You knew he smoked weed when you met him 10 to 1 you smoked weed with him only a weed smoker would call it weed so who are you trying to fool .You wont to go to Church and live a better life then do your duties as a mother and teach your children about God what a wonderful thing but if you know anything about God at all you would know that you are your husbands help meat not his ruler.
If you divorce this man that's building you a house because he smokes weed then do it just do it and see how happy your going to be trying to get some guy to be a father to those children . Have fun in the ghetto.
2007-03-13 12:11:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Natural Quit Smoking Magic
2016-05-17 02:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To put it from my p.o.v.
I think that you should ask him to give you his reasons as to why he needs/should be allowed to use. I am pretty much on the same page as you right now in fact, only I'm not married, just dating and/or boyfriend and girlfriend.
I told him to give me reasons as to why he needed to keep using, and he literally couldn't fill a post-it note if he wanted as to why. Now on the other hand, I could give a power-point presentation (which I have to a class), facts, poster boards etc. and top it off with a 10pg. paper as to why I feel he should quit. I agree with you 1000% on trying to set a good example and lead a healthy life with your family with out having something negative like that in the home.
No one person is the same, since you know some can be more stubborn than others. And the reason I'm saying this to be honest, is that my b.f. has already stated that he won't change and has fessed up (after me asking and asking) to using after a two year period of saying that he quit (for love and the relationship). I've tried the talking and with him it's always been a "No Dice..." conclusion. But like I said... no one person is the same. Go somewhere calm such as the park and just talk it out with him. Tell him your reasons, like thinking of the family as you have and stress it. That a lone is one big deal in it's self. Also, he has to think of his health. It may not have the fast results that show from ciggaretts, but in the long run, it can hurt you more then you would think. So just try to give a little more into sticking with it... If he knows what's best, then he won't want to lose you because of it.
Keep your chin up! And I'm wishing you the best of luck with everything!
2007-03-16 15:17:02 · answer #4 · answered by Simplistic One 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2007-03-15 03:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by smartsolution 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he smoke before you married him? If so, why was it okay then and not now? After all, you DID marry him anyway... I can understand you wanting him to be more responsible around the children, but if he saves it for the times when they are not going to be around him, it shouldn't be an issue. I don't recommend giving him any ultimatums...you may not like the results. As for making him attend church...you can't find Jesus for him, he has to want to find and develop that relationship on his own. If you were not a church-goer when you were dating and you are springing this on him now, don't expect him to accept it roll with it naturally. It seems as if you want to change him now, and that is exactly how he will see it. If you force it, it will break. In the meantime, you should do some research on marijuana, you may find it isn't as harmful as government propaganda would like us all to believe...and work on a suitable compromise. This situation has to benefit him somehow or he will never go along. You are asking him to sacrifice his pleasures and change his lifestyle for you but what are you offering him? Good luck and God bless!
2007-03-13 12:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by jay_fox_rok_god 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to face the fact that he has an addiction, or that you two just have different values. His promise is bogus - he may try to stop, but he won't, especially if he's not committed to the idea.
You can't drag him to church or enforce your values on him, but you can let him know what behavior is not acceptable around you or your children. Inform him that you will no longer be an enabler to his self-destructive behavior - if you find any pot or paraphenalia in the house you will flush it or destroy it immediately. Tell him you don't want him in the house or in your bed while he is high - if he wants to be a husband and father to your family, he has to do it sober.
Encourage him to get help or talk to a therapist about whatever is driving him to drugs for a release, and hopefully he can deal with the root problem instead of masking it with pot. Once he sees that his behavior will cost him time with his family and the comfort of his home, he will begin to re-evaluate what's important to him. Be kind, but firm.
2007-03-13 12:03:15 · answer #7 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well what's stopping you and your kids from going to church and pray for him to stop. But live it up till you can't still it and once the house is built, kick him out to the curb and talk half of everything he has and more. Especially get as much child support you can get off of him. Because if you don't watch it he might do it to you or he might get caught smoking weeds and go to jail. SO think about it a while and once th ehouse is built go for it.
2007-03-13 11:58:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's up to you. If you stick around, you better accept the fact that this is going to be a part of your life for a long time to come. Sounds like you'd known ahead of time that he was a smoker, but married him anyway; it's unrealistic of you to expect him to change drastically just because you asked him to. Old habits die hard, or not at all. I happen to agree with you about not wanting drugs near your kids, but you kinda have to think about these things BEFORE you choose a person to have kids with, not after.
2007-03-13 12:40:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the entire drug issue is overplayed, hon. Mj is no more harmful that tobacco or liquor, we just have a government that has issued morality clauses and lumps it in with really bad stuff. For sure he ought not to drink or smoke ANYTHING in front of the children. But we all have been brainwashed that mj is just awful, terrible, sinful, against god, and all the rest of that crap. Our jails are filled with people who have been found to have an ounce of the stuff on them, and who are serving 20 year sentences, so we let out the rapists and murderers to make room for them. 60% of our inmates are in there for drug issues. I think this country is twisted.
Don't get me wrong, hon, I sure don't use the stuff, but then I don't smoke anything or drink very often either. And if someone commits a crime (while under the influence of anything) that person ought to be as accountable and fine-able as if he were drunk.
Substance abuse of anything that involves the harming of an individual ought to be dealt with to the fullest extent of the law. But if someone wishes to smoke a bit of mj, in the privacy of his own home, and not in front of his children???? no big deal......
I think you ought to get off the morality kick, and start building your marriage with commitment to your family, your children, your admiration, respect, passion and trust to your husband. If this is your only complaint, hon, I think it rates right up there with worrying about dandruff.
2007-03-13 12:08:50 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
was he smoking it before you married him... if so you knew what you getting into.. it is like marring a heavy drinker and then one day telling him he must quit now that your married...main reason why me and my bf wont get married that little piece of paper changes people . they think it is a ownership papers..now i would not let him smoke it anywhere around the children ... maybe not enough in the house..but as for stopping him that would be hard .. he may do it behind your back
2007-03-13 11:59:26 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋