my ex and i share joint custody of our 9 yr old daughter.she goes week to week at each house.?

Question

he works out of state and only gets to see her on the weekends.she has to stay with her stepmother, whom she can't stand, and has to babysit her 2 kids while she naps or socialized with friends.i still owe my lawyer money and can't do nothing through the court.what should i do and how can i get her back to me, where she beloongs. we think its a very unstable environment for her. not to mention, her grades have dropped dramatically since.

i'm married too.

i've also talked with her dad, but he told me when we got divorced he was going to make my life misersble as possible. i just didn't know he was going to use our daugheter to do it. she does go to the school councelor and he will not talk to the coun. he says he does not trust her. i talk to him and his wife often about the situation. my daughter is scared that he will get mad and of hurting his feelings. i tell her God has plan and we just have to keep praying about it.there's a reason He is doing this, we just have to trust Him. my husband says that my ex truly believes she wants to stay with him and it's just some psycological problem. i just want to thank everyone for all the positive words. i will take all of them into consideration.

Answer 1

Document your daughters experiences. Each week when she comes home have her create entries in a diary. Once you have 3 or 4 weeks of this and there is a consistant pattern in her experiences you can then move forward.

First I highly recommend you consult with your ex and explain that his daughter is not happy with the arrangement and want to change the visitation times. This should be done with you, him and your child in the same room. This will allow him to see that it's not coming from you.. but from her. If he says no then express your feelings in a cool and unemotional way as possible again and ask him to reconsider or possibly just try it for a month or two. If the answer is still no and none of the arguments he puts forward doesn't convince your or your daughter that things should stay the same.. it's time for the next step.

Next step: Attorney. Get one. Present your case to him along with your daughters diary for documentation reasons. The attorney can file an 'immediate injunction request' and request a hearing date. If the injunction is granted the visitation schedule is modified as you want until the trial and the judge establishes a new schedule. If not.. then you'll have to wait until the hearing to make any visitation schedule changes.

Keep in mind that because of your daughters age the judge will want to hear her opinion and it will most likely be in a closed session away from BOTH parents. Thus you need to make absolutely sure this is what SHE wants not just what Mom wants. Should she impress the judge with her testimony and the diary as documentation getting the schedule changed will be simple.

One of the reasons I suggest you try to work it out with the ex first is that by doing so you show that you have made reasonable efforts to resolve the issue with out going to court. This way if the judge agrees with you in the end you can include in your petition for hearing to have your ex pay ALL of the court cost and YOUR attorney fees.

Hope this helps and good luck!

Answer 2

You need to talk with your husband (and maybe his new wife) and have a friendly conversation. Say something like "Our girl is not happy and we need to find a better solution" Then discuss your concerns. Maybe she could stay with you all the time during the week and have a regular schedule 9also with school & after school activities) and then visit her dad & his wife on the weekends and during vacations. Since he is working out-of-state he might be interested and if he has her every weekend this should be working just fine.
Also go to the school and talk to the teacher about her situation, especially since her grades have dropped. They can then focus differently on your daughter and keep an eye on her.
Mainly try to stay focused and friendly towards your ex-husband no matter how much problems the two of you might have had. Your goal is to raise your daughter and make her a happy & healthy child.

Answer 3

The only way you can do anything about it is through the court. If your daughter is old enough to be babysitting other kids, then she should be old enough to also see a counselor and explain her point of view. Your state may have provisions in the law where a child of a certain age can state their problems and preferences to a judge and their opinion will count toward the decision. In any case you'll need a lawyer whether or not you owe them money.

Answer 4

well you still need to let your attorney know what is going on with that, my daughter and I have a similar situation, accept my daughter is 14 now, she barely sees her father because of the step mother, my ex husbands new wife is really mean and awful, I put a stop to it because no child should be miserable, my daughter told me things and I in turn talked to my ex and of course he didnt want to hear it but at the same time if you are honest and your ex has some what of a brain he will either change the situation for his daughter, or you need to lay down some rules...Had my ex's new wife been different and reasonable we may have been able to work it out, but she was not willing, so now I have my daughter 98% of the time and she will only see her dad when he is going to be home, and that was her choice, my daughter didnt want to be a part of the step moms illegal habits, and I wasnt going to let it go on either, try talking to your ex first see if you can come to some kind of aggreement between the two of you....good luck I know it is not fun

Answer 5

Ask your ex if he would consider changing the custody agreement . If he works out of state that if he wanted her on the weekends ie Friday nite to Mon morning, And you keep her during the week . Tell him that you are worried about her and that her grades are dropping in school, and that she is unhappy b/c she hardly sees him while there. All you can do is ask. If he does not want that then you can only go to your lawyer. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

If she is over 12, she can refuse to go. let her tell her Dad the reasons why. She should not be a built in baby sitter for sure. If the ex can communicate well, then after the daughter talks to him, you talk to too, bring up the grades and baby sitting. Maybe he might decide to see it your way. Surely if the child is not happy being there, he would want his daughter to be happy.

Answer 7

Since the joint custody is court ordered, I do not think there is anything you can do without going back to your lawyer and doing it through the court. But really, I personally do not think they will do anything even then because it does not sound to me like your daughter is in any physical danger. And unless you can prove otherwise, then I see nothing that can be done. Good Luck though!

Answer 8

Why should she spend time with a person she doesn't like? Your husband wouldn't expect her to spend time with a person who just puts her to work, would he?
Talk to your ex. Explain that your daughter wants to be there when he's there, but it's too much to expect her to stay with a step mother who is only using her for a babysitter.
Perhaps you can find a mediator who can help. If that doesn't work, look in the yellow pages under "legal aid" and contact them. Maybe they can give you some direction.
Good luck. I hope you can find someone that will help you with this. Your daughter is being treated unfairly.

Answer 9

Have you talked to her father about this? Does he know how she feels? Does he know that her grades are dropping?

Perhaps you and your daughter could talk to her school counsellor, and then have her father sit down with all of you so she can tell him how she feels.

There are family court lawyers you can get for free. Have you looked into it? You need to do something if it is really upsetting her.

Answer 10

she is there to see her dad and not to see his house ---that is absurd, go to social sevices can they advise you? she is being used and this will only get worse, I am pretty sure it is against the law for a 9 y.o. to babysit younger children. as she gets older that woman will give her even more responsibilities, go and tell the police in his town that she is being neglected at his house and IF THEY SAY THIS IS FOR FAMILY COURT, THEN GET AN APPT. FOR FAMILY COURT, does she come home with headaches from his house? have trouble sleeping ? or eating? bad night mares? all of this will convince the courts she doesn't belong there. have her teacher document her grades are falling. have her see her doctor, has she come home with even one bruise? document all of it--even the step mother's language, have the child tell her teachers also.