How have children changed your marriage? In retrospect would you have had or not have had children you have to

Question

brutality honest about this question. NO answers that are condencending

Answer 1

Children change marriage by becoming the couple's top priority for a while. The dynamics of the marriage change because it's not just about the couple any more, there's a little person to take care of. As they get older, you can get more of your alone time back.

I would still have children if I had to do it over - why? There is no love like the love between a child and their parent - I cannot even explain it to you but it is different from the love you feel from your spouse. And you and your spouse get to share the joys of the child's growing up years together and no one else will get as excited about baby's first tooth, haircut, etc... then the parents. And that is something couple's get to share with each other and that helps enhance the marriage, I think.

I don't think you should have a baby in an attempt to save a marriage as that doesn't work. Both people need to be aware that having a child means making sacrifices and I mean sacrifices. No more spur of the moment out the door type activity can occur afterwards.

Children are a joy and then we get grandchildren. My first grandchild is 3 months old. She's a JOY.

Answer 2

Having our first child certainly changed our marriage. It's very difficult to be a first time parent, it doesn't come with a guide book, and the frustrations of learning as we went along caused us to take it out on each other. We adored our new son and neither of us could ever imagine not having had him but we just didn't realize how hard it would be at first and how helpless we both felt when we couldn't ease the baby's pain or stop the crying. However, we also have a lot of love for each other and I still love to watch Father and son play together, read together etc and I know that I picked the right man to be father to my children. We worked through those hard times and it has made us more of a team, more of a family and worth every learning experience we went through. Our son is now six and we are expecting baby No2. This time we are planning better and agreeing on specifics before the big event. We come to realize that our marriage did change, we don't have the time to lavish constant love and affection on each other, put each other first all of the time and go party, but we do appreciate special time and have so much love, respect and commitment in a very mature way that I feel we grew up more in six years than we did in the rest of our lives.

Answer 3

Our child has changed our marriage to a certain extend. You will be more focused on the child during the first years of it's life rather than spending time with your spouse doing the things the two used to do.
I realized in the last years that you have your child only for a good decade. Then they are more independant and don't want to be with you so much. They rather spend time with friends , computer games etc. After that "first decade" you have again the freedom of just being a couple and doing fun things.
Your time with your partner is more limited and rushed during that first decade. The child usually is the main focus.
Tip: You need to have babysitters on a very regular basis from Day 1 and get out and be with your spouse.That is very important. Weekly "dates" would be great. You need to talk, experience things together, laugh, love etc..
It's hard to do though realistically.
You also will have a huge lack of sleep in the first years of your child. That can be awful.
Your body changes too after pregnancy.

Would I do it again??? Yes, i would. We are a perfect family and we all love & respect each other. I am blessed though with a great child and a great loving husband!!!

Answer 4

Well, it's a trade off. On the one hand, kids are expensive. They're a LOT of work. You don't get much sleep when they're born. If you're a half way decent parent, you have to put what your child needs ahead of what you want. Spontanaiety goes out the window with a child, especially with an infant or toddler. You have to really plan when you go anywhere with one and the amount of gear you need to take with you is incredible.

On the other hand, when you have a child, it's truly amazing how much you love them, almost immediately you would truly kill and die for them. It's a thing of beauty to watch them grow up and experience even the little things for the first time, like an ice cream cone, the first time they laugh or take their first step or how fast they pick up learning stuff. My son is now 16. He's a good kid. Tall, smarter than me and very quick witted. He's not a perfect kid but I've enjoyed watching him in high school. He's a pretty good runner (cross country and track) and he had his first date, first kiss and first girlfriend. He's gotten to the point where you can carry on intellectual conversations with him. Most of the time, it's pretty fun.

Even though there have been times I wanted to choke him, he's a good kid and I love him dearly and hate to think that he'll be going to college in two years.

So, yeah, it's worth it having kids.

Answer 5

a survey was taken and most couples stated they honestly would not have children again, i know they are adorable when they are babies, anybody can love a cuddly infant, but i am talking about grown kids now. i will be brutally honest and tell you i do regret handing over my youth to 3 babies by the time i was 19- 23. i was trapped for years in that situation, every thought, every moment, every cent it seemed was all about the children, i was a child with 3 babies on my lap, and no real help. no i would never do that again. However I got re-married and had my son in my 30's and he is my life's joy, he's sweet, well mannered and respectable and is the laughter in our lives. however, i can see where not having any children is just fine too if you're really in love with your spouse.

Answer 6

Kids always change a married life. Kids change anyone's life - married or not. As far as whether I would have kids or not if I had it to do over again - yes certainly! I love kids and never regretted them. Many people shouldn't become parents because they can't handle the responsibility that comes with it. It is a full time job for life because a good parent will never quit worrying about their child regardless of how old they become. While raising them remember that your privacy, finances, physical strength, mental stamina, and patience will all suffer. The responsibility is enormous, but the reward is worth it.

Answer 7

I had two sons with my first husband. I had a daughter with my second. I loved my children, enjoyed them, and was very close to them.
HOWEVER, the sons have chosen to not have anything to do with me or my daughter and I haven't seen them or heard from them for many years. All but one of their children remain very close to me. My daughter, her husband and their six children are a few blocks away and we enjoy a wonderful relationship.
Would I have had the sons if I had known they would eventually hurt their stepfather, sister and me as they have chosen to do? ....very hard to answer...except for one thing....all the great grandkids I've got!
They say a mother's love is forever. I'm not so sure. When you love someone as much as I loved my sons and they choose to hurt you the way mine did, there comes a time when something inside dies and all that's left is the comfort of knowing I didn't , wouldn't, couldn't have hurt them and I certainly did not raise them to walk on people the way they have done. And knowing that, I can go on living joyfully with those whom I still have and thank God for what I have.

Answer 8

I don't think I will regret it in the long run. It has been so hard though....
My baby girl is 7 1/2 months, I am pregnant with our second so the pregnancy ahs made caring for a newborn harder.

I can't imagine life without her but my marriage is so different now... sometimes I miss the old 'us' but I can't imagine not having her.
I think as they get older it gets easier, so people say... especially as they really get older and we get to enjoy them growing up, going to school, sports activities, life would be so selfish and meaningless if it were just two forever....

Answer 9

Yes it's changed things but not in a bad way just defined are roles in the marriage me the nurturer my husband the provider.we were always happy but now were the happiest we have ever been.So in retrospect we would do the same again xx

Answer 10

Having a child was the most wonderful thing we have done! It made our marriage and relationship deeper and stronger in so many ways. Regret we can't have more, but them's the breaks...
Couldn't imagine not having our son...