his other wife every other night and then you every other night? I'm asking because I'm Muslim and everyone knows Muslim men can have up to 4 wives and my husband has another wife and I'm not thrilled about him bringing his other wife into his country. Do you think I'm wrong for thinking that? And anyway if I wanted to divorce him I couldn't get custody of my kid because in my religion and in Saudi Arabia which is my husband's country the mother loses custody of all children over the age of 6. So I'm stuck because I couldn't leave my kids. Your thoughts please.
2007-03-13 10:24:17 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband and I are in USA. His wife is in Morocco. I'm seriously hoping she'll love her school that she has more and won't want to leave it. Dating is against Islam and I can be thrown in jail for that in Saudi Arabia. I don't like group sex and that's also against Islam.
2007-03-13 10:32:59 · update #1
I'm the 2nd wife.
2007-03-13 10:34:27 · update #2
I'm pregnant with my first. Yes I'm American by birth. I knew he had a 1st wife however he decided a couple days ago to bring his other wife into the mix as well. I also know my child will have USA citizenship by law of blood. One parent is US citizen child gets automatic US citizenship. We plan on going back to Saudi(his idea) next summer. 2008 I mean. I was fine with it until he decided to bring his other wife into Saudi.
2007-03-13 11:06:53 · update #3
As salaamu alaikum utki,
InshaAllah i can keep my personal feelings out of this and keep it to Islam only. Yes it is permissable in Islam. HOWEVER most men do not practice it as it was intended to be practiced. When this part of the Quran was revield to the Prophet Mohammad (saws) it was during a time of war. Most of our men were going off and being killed in war leaving wives and children behind. It was made permissable for a man to take 2, 3, but no more then 4 wives to provide for them and the orphaned childrend (it was for the sake of the UMMAH) but this was IF he could be just to all of them equally and not pick faviorates.
Most men these days do not marry for these reasons. they take other wives to satisfy their nuffs (which is wrong) the rule in Islam is really monogmany but if there is a sister who is in needa man can step up and take another wife.
Since you married into a co-wife situation, it is kind of tricky. did you know about her prior? did she know about you prior? did your wali know? did you have a wali?
Plus in Islam Marriage is a WOMANS choice. We are the ones who agree when intentions are placed on us. We are the ones who agree or deny the dowry. If this is not the case with you, i would consult your Imam.
Lastly, i have a written Nikkah (abide by the law of the land you live in right? get it all in writting lol) In it, it says that I will be the one to obtain custody of the children in the event of a divorce. and he is to provide xx amount of support and yada yada. that is an agreement that we both came to.
You are due in novmeber 2007.... if you are willing to seek a kulah you would still gain custody (still in the us) because you are the mother and your abibi will be a infant who needs its umi!
Do you have a legal marriage certificate in the US? if not, you are the leagal custodian of the child regardless of his born Country. He cant rightfully gain custody of the child without a AMERICAN court order. (abide by the law of the land you live in)
You are not set to move to saudi until 2008...
-------- now here comes my personal feelings
I DISLIKE POLYGAMY! I can accept it if it is done right... maybe (why am i lying to myself?) but as the first wife, i have the right to divorce him if i do not agree with her, her ways, his thoughts etc. All of that we dont have a choice but to be married is a cultural thing. He does not have to Talaq me... I can get a Kulah! Im not about to be a second sex object (because alot of times thats all it is about and say it is pleasing to ALLAH (swt) - Sorry Ahki, that is not what the Quran says)
2007-03-14 05:38:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kynnie 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Since you are in the USA you follow the laws of the land you are in. So the laws of Saudi Arabia do not apply here. Especially if you are American...are you American?
I wouldn't like sharing at all, which is why my husband and I are not in an open marriage.
I don't think you want to move to SA. I think that would be a bad choice. Protections that you take for granted here in the USA wll not be afforded to you there.
2007-03-13 10:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Poppet 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If your children were born in USA they are automatically US citizens. As a resident alien and their mother you are protected from Saudi law. Under American law, you could divorce your husband and can have custody of your children, even to the point of preventing husband from taking them to Saudi Arabia (leaving the USA). American law can give you options.
2007-03-13 10:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by zax_fl 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all I would have never gotten myself into a situation like that. I am catholic and we believe in marriage but with one person for the rest of your life. But I could never accept that situation of him having sex with another wife. The fact that he has another wife must be difficult for you but didn't you know that when you married him? Yes, from your letter, you are in a bad spot, because you will not leave your children. I don't know what to tell you to do. If you are in Saudi Arabia now, the law is basically with the husband as you said, and even if you want to get a divorce, you will lose custody of your children. If you feel it is unbearable to live in the situation you are in, then I would consider leaving him and then trying to get custody. I saw the movie, "Not without My Daughter" with Sally Field, and that really tells your story except he did not have other wives. But she had to escape with the help of friends. It was very dangerous, but she made it out of Iran and she had her daughter. I feel for you but I cannot really give you advice, because right now for you it is a no win situation.
2007-03-13 10:37:54 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Gosh, second wife, that is a hard question. I won't ask why you married this guy knowing he was likely to have additional wives, but rather get right to the point. I am a guy, and if the situation were reversed, I think I might even like the situation. But, then, I am a guy. You have to decide to accept it when the other wife comes, I guess, or if you can't accept it simply divorce him. This is America. You can get a divorce easily. Maybe you should try the arrangement to see if you can live with it before you decide. I wish you good luck....
2007-03-13 10:51:33 · answer #5 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Are you in the US now..becuase he may be Muslim and can 4 wives in Saudi Arabia but he can only have one here. If he has more than one he's breaking the law.
2007-03-13 10:29:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are the first wife you have the right to object to his marrying another woman according to islamic law. He does not have the right to marry her without your consent, you have full rights to nullify his marriage to her based on family laws in Saudi Arabia. He must also be able to financially provide equally for each wife, which means two of everything. You should not be having to share anything with this woman. If he did not seek your permission, and has not provided you separate houses, then contact the family courts in Saudi Arabia and let them handle him.
2007-03-13 10:31:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
no offense girl but that sounds like something out of a soap opera and if i was a woman and my husband was like i have another wife id dump his *** i mean thats just insane and you are the first person who is a muslim who has said that their husband has more than one wife every muslim man or woman i have talked to say it not really practised only like 4 percent of men do that and i wish you all the luck cause i want my woman to myself and i wouldnt share her with anyone but youve made your bed now you have to lie in it salam as you would say buddy and besides your an american the saudi laws dont affect you if your kids are born here there is nothing he can do just dont leave the country or let him take the kids out of the country
2007-03-13 13:45:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
no you aren't wrong. It's healthy to want one man for every woman, why should you have to share him. Yea there's this thing called cervical cancer which is developed through getting HPV aka the cheater's disease. men carry it when they have more than one partner they sleep with and transfer it to the other. If you are in america then file for custody because regardless of religion or culture. polygamy is frowned upon in most states.
2007-03-13 10:31:50 · answer #9 · answered by LoveLeighe 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Honey, that is ILLEGAL in the USA!!!
If you are a citizen here, the laws in Arabia do not affect you. If you are NOT a citizen, seek it out, and divorce him. You will very likely get custody of the child.
If you told the authorities about his polygamy, he would probably get deported.
I would NEVER stay with a man who would do that, whether it was legal or not.
2007-03-13 10:46:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋