if you were a single mum what would you do if...?

Question

after 2 years the babies father who didnt want a part in the childs life, turns up changing his mind???

well we were young and it wasnt planned i was 18 and he 23, he wanted me to have a termination but i didnt. im so glad because now i have a beautiul baby boy. i know the age thing really isnt an excuse for this but i dont know if i can face the legal stuff

he hasnt seen my son since he was born. he is nearly 3 in may now. i havent seen him since then until now.

Answer 1

Offer him access rights through the courts, provided hes serious he wants to see the child, ask him to take you to court and persuade the judge to allow him a contact order and supervised visits..


After a while you will see if hes at all bothered or not. After that its up to you

Answer 2

Actually I will be a single mom. I am due in 24 weeks and my baby's father actually pulled this on me after me just being a month pregnant and me breaking up with him. 2 weeks later he said he really would like to be a part of the child's life. SO, I told him okay but once he messes up that's it cuz I refuse to have the baby father's run in and out of the child's life. That can cause a lot of emotional damage to a child.

Give him a chance to prove he can acutally be a father but it should be discuss that the child shouldn't get hurt in the process of him going back n forth deciding if he wants to be a father.

Beleive a single mom doesn't always stay single and I'm pretty sure there are some REAL men who would step up to the plate when it comes to a child not biologically theirs.

Answer 3

He eeds to prove he is worthy before you can even think of allowing him into your baby boy's life. Learn if you can trust him and if you think you can then MAYBE allow him to visit as "mummy's freind". This would be his chance to prove he is a cpable father. Dont ask for money just his time. But make him wait as, if he is not interested he will quickly get bored.
Good luck. If he does give up and leave you both again then you know you will be fine without him as you have managed untill now. Take care and put your son first. Do what you think is best. I have a daughter who's father has not been in contact since she was born and she is nearly nine. her father has let her down and it will be a very long time before i allow him contact if he ever asks for it. My daughter knows she has a father somewhere but she has a daddy at home here who loves her. He has left it too long but maybe your little boy's dad can have a chance.Good luck.

Answer 4

this is so hard really, there are a lot of things to think about and question really. You need to ask him all the questions and find out why he now what to be part of her life/his life. If you have a partner and your child thinks he is her dad that needs to be talked about and if you agree on him seeing your child then it has to be with you there as you have not heard from him in years and need to know he has changed for the better and not just some thing he thinks will be all Rosy and when it gets rough walk again. Think of your child too in this case as it could affect your child if you throw this man (to her it a bloke she does not know) into her life. He needs to see her slowly and take things slowly. Children notice change really easily and don't like change at times.
My talk to your parents, close friend or partner.
Good luck hope it goes well for everyone.
Oh i know you might dislike him at the moment but you never know he might have changed for the better.

Answer 5

I am a single mom and my son's "sperm donor" has nothing to do with his, I was 5 weeks prego and he was gone and he can stay that way. My son is going to be adopted by my b/f when we get married. This is the man he will know as his father. I want to tell you that I would at least try to let him see the child but to be honest if I my ex came back I would lie my behind off and say he wasn't the father and run as far as I could to get away from him. That may make me a bad person, but I would do anything to protect my son.

Answer 6

hum, tricky, understandable you'd want to tell him where to go. On the other hand, the child might benefit from having his or her father around. I think I'd give him 1 chance. If he does a good job then great, if he gets bored after a few months then the baby will probably forget about him quickly enough so no harm done. You should make it very clear though, it's a one shot deal, if he changes his mind again, it's for good.

Answer 7

Well i am a single mum , and when i was 12 weeks pregnant i split with my partner , my choice and he decided he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. He then contacted me when i was 25 weeks pregnant saying he'd changed his mind and i decided to give him another chance and although we will never be a couple i decided i had to give him another chance. He has so far been a good father , he sees her once a week and supports her financially. I would ask him to provide financial support and if he's serious about being in his childs life he will be happy to and if he runs a mile when you mention money then there's your answer...its as simple as that. I know its not about money but a mans true colours will be shown when you mention child support.

Answer 8

How old is your child? In my case, my son is 7 & his dad hasn't had anything to do with him since he was 3. I've often wondered myself what I would do if his dad came back & wanted to be a part of his life. I would want to tell him to go to "you know where" but if my son wanted to try, then I guess I would support him. Try 1 outing or visit & see how your child reacts. If hes excited then try to support it & see what happens. I know there is the fear that the dad might change his mind again & go back to being a memory. Good luck with whatever happens. I feel your pain.

Answer 9

I'm in a similar situation so i can understand what u r going through. It was really hard at first because i was thinking of my son and what if he just dissappared again but i have come to learn that when my son grows up he will see what hes like for himself. Its a bad idea to tell him he cant c him, at first make sure u r there when he visits,give him a chance u never know he might have changed! also when ur son grows up he wont resent u.

Answer 10

this happened to a friend of mine unfortunately he took her to court to gain access to the child, she my friend even said he was notthe babies father however they did a dna test, it put a spanner in the works but not for long. there was nothing she could do he had supervised visits at a centre where she could stay near by as well, unforunately there is not alot you can do, request that you go through the proper channels such as family court or mediation it wont cost you anything, but if he defaults or fails your child the visitation rights will be taken away from him. there is not alot you can do except that you request he takes you to court so it is all legally recorded and your both looked after profesionally.