Don't know what to do?

Question

I'm so confused about my b/f. He has an ex-wife and a son. His ex is a very spiteful person and i have somehow come into terms with that in a way. Our relationship is perfect except for her. I want our relationship to work so i decided to tell him if he could please reserve any comments that she makes about me to himself since that would avoid me getting angry. I want him to be able to talk to me about his problems, i just don't want to hear her insults, thats all. His response to that was " Well your are right, i'll just go talk to my other friend because my problems are none of your business anyway".
I felt really hurt by this and i don't know how i'm supposed to react to this.

I have never talked to his ex. She is always insulting me and since i have never wanted to blow things out of proportion i choose not to respond to her.

Answer 1

I am very sorry you have to go through this. What I would suggest you do is to realize that his ex is nothing but a very bitter and jealous person. Her comments towards you are nothing but sad attempts to ruin your relationship. If you let her comments get to you, you're letting her win. Brush off--even laugh at her comments because deep inside, you know they're not ture.

Open and honest communication is important in a relationship and your boyfried, if he really cares about you, should also respect your wish to not tell you the nasty things his ex says about you. He can give all other details of the conversation he likes, he can just simply leave out those terms. He can do his part too.

Hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 2

Wow! He doesn't seem to be any better then the ex........ What other friend? Another girl........and why would it be her business any more then yours, means the ex is insulting you. He should back you up against the ex's remarks and be telling her not to be bad mouthing you. I hate it when someone takes what I have said and twists it around to make me sound like the bad person. This is what he is doing to you, I would explain it again to see if he heard me right the first time and also explain that he should not be taking this out on you for what his ex is saying but be more supportive and you both should be talking about your feelings and not to someone else. Hope he gets the picture this time, good luck.

Answer 3

He is right, he is sharing his frustration by communicaticating all the details of the run-in with the ex, you are his best friend after all, why are you making it about you??? If you deny him the oportunity to comunicate, he will sure find someone else that would listen and confort him.

My advice is to apologize and to tell him that indeed, this is about him being hurt by the unkind words she said, and not about you. Reassure him that he can talk to you about it anytime.

If you can't handle it, find a man with no baggage. A child is a life time commitment, and the mother will always be involves. If you are unwilling to put up with that, find a man that has no baggage.

Good luck

Answer 4

Evidently your b/f values his ex's opinion and is looking for you to prove her wrong or confirm what she says. If he can't understand that your feelings need to be considered here, then he doesn't value you as a person. You have every right to be angry and hurt. Consider that his ex might also know that whatever she says will get back to you and this might be her way to split you two apart. If b/f can be manipulated this easily, then maybe you need a new b/f.

Answer 5

He can tell you everything except derogative things that are said about you. He should understand this but sinc emen brush things off so easily they have a hard time understanding why we hold on to words to tightly.

I have this prob w/ my hubby, his mom says insults and he doesn't understand why they bother me so much.

It's a very different way of processing information, I advice you insist that you do NOT give in, you'll harbor resentment and over time it will become worse

Answer 6

She will be a part of your life until death do you part, whether married or shacking with this guy.He tells you these things not to upset you, but to get them off his chest.Before you assume she is totally bad, you might want to get"her side" of the marriage first before you set your mind in concrete ,regardless of how she is acting now.She may just be very hurt.Where you seeing him while they were living together?This may havse something to do with the insults.

Answer 7

gigi,
your right,you don't need to hear the insults that she has "about you". your boyfriend isn't seeing the whole picture "what your saying" ? you may need to tell him again. my ex-wife is a very spitefull person as well and has actually cornered my girlfriend in a dance class that her (my girlfriend) daughter attended.this was not good and she eventually left me as a result of my ex-wifes bed intensions. don't let this "her" ruin what you have with your boyfriend. just tell him again,and this time, make him understand what you mean about not wanting to hear what she has to say about you. you will be in my prayers. god bless you!!! john

Answer 8

Well, at least you know what you are getting into, and then can make a decision whether to continue with your relationship or not.
You must realize that his first obligation will always be to his first family. If you can't accept that, and all that comes with it, maybe that's not the type of situation you should be getting yourself into.

Answer 9

Wow how insulting. I'd be hurt. I believe he may still many feelings for his ex. Because he was getting defensive when you asked to tell you what she said.

Answer 10

First, you should ask him what he means by that. He might not have meant it offensively, and in that case its nothing but a misunderstanding.

If this woman is bothering you, make it clear to her and try to solve it together. If she still doesn't like you, try talking to your b/f again and make it clear what you want- that you don't want to hear her comments.

Hope I've helped