He's 18 years older than me...I feel disgusted with myself but I love him. I'm shocked at myself as this is totally out of my character but I constantly find myself thinking about him. I'm generally a sensible girl, I don't do stupid things, I'm pretty intelligent so I am aware that obviously nothing could ever happen and will never happen since he just considers me as a pupil and he's married, plus he's a really good man so he'd never be remotely interested in 16 year old girl - in fact I hope he isn't interested in young girls! I know you're probably all thinking, 'what does she know about love?' but I never have silly little crushes. I'm just not that sort of person. He's not even good-looking or anything like that, he's just so kind and funny.
I've clearly just got to keep my feelings to myself but I just want to know if you think I'm disgusting and childish to be feeling this?
2007-03-13 09:57:15 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ahh no!
I'd never tell him in a million years! Or anyone for that matter!
2007-03-13 10:02:54 · update #1
Trust me, I've been there and felt what you are feeling - and there is nothing wrong with it. You are not disgusting and you are not childish. I think it is very mature how you are handling it - you are aware of the boundaries, that shows you are growing up :) Gosh, I just realised how patronising I sound - I always swore I wouldn't talk like this when I was a 'grown up' - I'm only 20!
You are a sensible girl, and you've obviously got your head screwed on. Well done on recognising that it wouldn't be fair to tell him.
Enjoy this for what it is, I know it can be hard falling for someone that you can't have, but in time it will get easier. We always have a special place in our hearts for our first love, so enjoy it! Just try to not let it distract you too much.
Also, there is nothing wrong with large age gap relationships once you have left school and are an adult. My partner is 13 years older than me, and we get on well. Sometimes we just get on better with older people. Ignore people who tell you to find someone your own age - you don't need anyone! And the last thing you want to do when you are in love with someone is to find someone to be a substitute. Let this run its natural course, and hopefully the next person you fall for will be someone free to fall for you too.
2007-03-13 10:02:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're neither disgusting nor childish.
It is perfectly natural thing. Don't you ever think that way.
Girls (or even boys) at your age quite often have that kind of feelings.
What you are saying here is a proof that you have a capacity to love someone without your noticing it.
Love is such an unacceptable and unpredictable thing.
Read some literature dealing with love. They all have dealt with a lot of cases where "a forbidden love" happened.
However, the essence of love is "to give". So, think about your teachers position. Please cherish your pure feelings within yourself.
I'm sure you will be a nice, fair grown-up girl soon.
2007-03-13 10:26:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its not "disgusting" on your part. It might be "digusting" if it was reversed and he was lusting for a 16 year old. But thats the difference here. I think its natural for women to be attracted to older men or even vice versa. Its not "disgusting" to feel attracted or love someone older than you, so don't feel guilty about your feelings.
BUT... Nothing good could come from you telling him about this, so don't. You already know that it will never work, so just remember that everytime you find yourself thinking about him.
My suggestion to you is, think about the qualites you like about him, remember them and find someone closer to your age that has those same qualities. It will help you get over your crush on this way older man.
2007-03-13 10:07:35 · answer #3 · answered by snailysnal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, It's a crush and it will go away. You think about him all the time, fantasize maybe, think he's the greatest etc etc. Your instincts are right it can't happen and I hope it doesnt cause poor you and shame on him. Next time you'll see him is in jail. No your not disgusting at all lol. A lot of girls get crushes on teachers or are "in love" with them but they get over it. Young girls sometimes fantasize about older man and older woman sometimes fantasize about younger man it happens. Enjoy the crush while it lasts, dont act on it, just fantasize to yourself lol.
2007-03-13 10:03:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teachers of older age have refined ways of thinking, behaviour and communication. Knowledge about student psychology, subject matter and awareness about the world around him/her is gained by experience. All this goes into making a teacher lovable. If you start imbibing all these, may be you too would have all these qualitites. That's when you will grow out of 'infatuation'. Expressing your feelings just now wont be an appropriate decision. By telling a person that "I love you" you are also saying indirectly that "I treat you to be my equal". This could be unacceptable to him. If he thinks you are his equal he will accept your feelings, otherwise not. Most teachers dont.
If you are serious about this feeling you might want to be his 'equal' in all respects(Considering that age difference is not much, or if it is, its not much of an issue for him). He is likely to accept you then. For now you might try finding out what's the greatest quality that he admires in a person.
2007-03-14 02:07:04 · answer #5 · answered by Mau 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was the same - i fell for a teacher at school - DONT act on it - keep it too yourself and remember this crush with fondness in later life as i do now -- its so totally NEVER going to work or go anyway - dont feel guilty - its your hormones :) ENJOY _ IGNORE _ DONT TELL ANYONE . If you discuss it with any friends it wont remain secret for long - this poor teacher would probably be horrified at you likeing him haha - fo SO many reasons im sure you understand ;) ---- Just remember - your NORMAL - its a CRUSH - it will wear off soon and you will get on with your life. Hormones at your age are very cruel and confusing.... if you still like him in 10 yeras go for it ;) You wont tho ! I guarantee it . Take care honey :D
2007-03-13 10:16:34 · answer #6 · answered by celebrityhandbags 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in no way childish or stupid to be feeling what you are feeling. However, I wonder if you are not just in LUST and confusing it with love. Perhaps you do not have a great relationship with your own father, and someone because this teacher is nice and shows you care and consideration, you have somehow transferred father relationship feelings towards him. I would advice you to work on letting this man go from your heart, as he is married and it is not honorable to be lusting after a married man. I don't believe that you are in love with him, but in lust. He fills some wound in your heart that your father left.
2007-03-13 10:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by fancyface1 l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are neither disgusting or childish.
You are recognising your hearts ability to recognise those you admire and feeling your hearts capacity to love.
You have a great gift to be able to feel in the way that you do. Do not let it blind you to reality and eventually you will find that reality cuts through your blindness.
You sound very sensible...a good heart and good sense go together far more than people want to admit!!!
2007-03-13 10:02:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be silly there's nothing wrong with you!
it's just a common occurence in life that a young persons first love often is someone older who they have respect for like a teacher. I bet you'd be surprised how many others in your school are the same!
2007-03-13 10:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, at your age this is a perfectly normal way to feel. Your hormone levels are all over the place and your feelings will be affected by this, it is very common. The important thing is to make sure that you don't act upon it - in your head you can think and feel however you like, but if you value your teacher you will make sure you leave him alone. In time you will get over it and begin to like boys your own age. Good luck!
2007-03-13 10:01:48 · answer #10 · answered by Funky Little Spacegirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋