How do YOU get through your bad days after forgiving?

Question

My husband had an affair last year. I have forgiven him (or so I thought) and we did the counseling, renewed our vows, and things have been going great for months. I have suffered from depression in the past (way before the affair and also anxiety) and am on medication. I have not gotten my effexor filled yet,so its been about 4 days since I have taken it. I can tell a difference because I have been down the past couple of days and today I was home all alone all day and for some reason, his affair is all I could think about. I have been so angry today. I had these days a lot after I found out about his infidelity, but it has be a while since my last one. Is this normal for it to creep up on yo out of th blue like this, or could it be because of my medication? I am almost dreading him coming home from work, I dont know if I can keep my mouth shut, its like I want to remind him how much he took from me...confidence, self esteem. How do I get through days like this?

Answer 1

Although it's awful that you're going through this, reading your post was somewhat of a blessing to me. I have been going through almost the exact same thing as of late. I just want to let you know that, yes, other people go through stuff like this, and it can definitely hit you out of the blue. I wish I had an answer as to how to get through days like this. I usually just try to start as little conflict as possible and hope it blows over in a few days. And sometimes when I feel insecure and losing confidence, it helps to pamper myself and doll myself up really nice. Not only will it boost your confidence when your husband comes home and compliments you on how beautiful you are, but being fresh and clean and new will help you physically feel better about yourself too. I hope this helps.

Answer 2

With God, faith, and prayer. God WILL heal the broken-hearted and give you the strength you need to get through the day - all you have to do is ask. Also, ask your doctor to change your medication; effexor has been known to make depression WORSE and even cause seizures in some people. CHOOSE your thoughts; when thoughts of the affair start to creep into your mind, deliberately focus on the GOOD things about your husband and the PROGRESS the two of you have made. Also, talk to your husband and let him know when you're having a bad day. Use what you learned in your counseling sessions.

Answer 3

Hello! I originally opened this question before there were any answers and since I see you are taking meds, and are out but feeling so horrible I didn't want to give advice- I am not qualifier to do so...especially if you have depression.....I just wanted to jump in now and tell you to be strong. You can get through this. Know that people (me namely) read your question and really feel for you and your situation. I hope you will find strength and things work out well for you. You seem like a nice person. No one deserves to go through what you are dealing with.

Answer 4

Sorry you are having a rough time with this. You were betrayed and that takes a long time for all wounds to be closed. The secret to true forgiveness is to do it like God does it and that is to forget as well. You have to REFUSE to let your brain go there. You have lost trust and respect for him and that makes it almost impossible to forget. Of course your medication has alot to do with this!! You could consider St. Johns' Wort if it is okay with your doctor. It got me through the year where I knew my ex (my 1st daughter's father) was cheating and we broke up, I moved, got over him, etc. You do need to tell him how you are feeling or else it will just build up. You've been MEDICATING AWAY a pain that needs and deserves to be HEALED AWAY. Poor baby. I sincerely hope you feel better soon. Here is a hug.

Answer 5

having gone thru the same thing, without the meds or depression, i can tell you.....it is not and will not be easy......
to forgive was the easiest thing i had to do.....
but......TRUST is a big issue and i do not know if it will ever be regained.
your insecurities are whats making you feel this way and the betrayal......you will never forget it......you can just bury it and try to move FORWARD....one day at a time...
we did the counselor thing ,but found it really did not help us f ast enough..
1 thing i did find helped was this.......
YOU can ask him any questions about his affair and he MUST answer them honestly....but only for 90 days....after that you must "lock itup" in your mind......
if you constantly bring it up or yell or whatever, he will just react to it...and you wont like how he does it.
if he is truly sorry, the guilt is eating him up inside......give him time to sort it out , just like you are trying to do....it wont be easy...but you can survive.....we are...
1 thing i demanded was NO CONTACT with HER......AT ALL, NO WAY....ANYTIME......
so should you........
at least that gives you a little peace of mind.good luck and god bless......

Answer 6

to feel good about what has happened u will ned to create a new history, and it is doubtful if u will ever get over this unless the cheating party understands what he did to hurt u, how much he took from u, u have to understand that he understands just what he did, if not u will continue to go back in your memory and pull it out. sometimes it just takes one little thing to recall it from our memory, like a bad day, just the least little thing can bring it all back. yes it does creep up out of the blue, mostly i think because it never got resolved completely. he probably never really understood how hurt u were or told u he knew.

Answer 7

of course it's normal, he took what was a to you a good marriage and turned it upside down, leaving you to deal with the consequences, even though he's sorry and yous have renewed your vows. how to get thru days when it all comes to the boiling point is very hard to do. but reminding him of what he's done, will only void what you have already accomplished. so please if you truly want to save this marriage take extra time for yourself, without him, like extra long bubble baths, walks, and so forth. maybe you can get past this. good luck!

Answer 8

You NEED your meds! Why have you not been taking them? Go have the prescription filled, now if possible. Now, to answer your question, I try to block it out of my mind by keeping busy, talking on the phone to a friend, whatever it takes to get through the day. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Maybe you should see a counselor with just you. Unfortunately things like this happen and we have to find that inner strength to just rise above it. If the marriage is worth it and if he's worth it then by all means get passed it and live life. Depression is the easy way out, fight it.

Answer 10

Sounds like you need more counseling. You can't keep bring it up, all it's going to do is make you relive a moment in your life that really hurt you. You or your husband don't need that.