Hubby and i disagree on how to handle a situation??

Question

I am 22 yrs old i just graduated from college and have been married for only 4 months.I have a son who is four years old from a prior relationship this was never really an issue till recent events.I have never told anyone who my sons biological father is and never thought it would come up.Unfortunatley it did come up last week while at a wedding run-through for one of my hubbys old friends from high school.The friend in question turned out to be my sons biological father even though he has no idea he only remebers me as an ex.gf.This was a nasty shock for me.I kept this from my ex.bf who was my first everything because my son was made while he had another gf.He is currently going to marry this same gf in 3 days.I told my hubby all the details because he new something as wrong anyway.He is extremely angry and feels my ex. should be told now ?how can i prevent him from opening his mouth?

At the moment my marriage is on the line because of this!

I had no idea my hubby and him even new each other only that they were both from the same area.

Answer 1

I think he's only thinking of the moment and not the future.I mean the guy is about to get married the effect this could have on that relationship was obviously not something he thought about.Perhaps bringing that up to him is a good tact.
I know what its doing to you but it was a choice you made a long time ago though on some level the father has the right to know.What wrong would it right by him knowing NOW?You're happy with the decision you made and your son has a father in your husband,he should accept that and THAT should be enough for him.He may want to tell because he can imagine himself in the circumstance of this issue.But again he needs to think beyond the moment and beyond what he thinks he'd want.He isn't part of the equation the biological father is he is however part of the SOLUTION he's your son's daddy remind him of that because at this point thats what he should be looking at...

Hope That Helps,
M.G

Answer 2

Yikes! While the truth sets you free, it sometimes comes with its own set of problems. Perhaps your hubby is partly angry, especially since he sees that if you can keep something like this to yourself, you could also keep a major truth from him as well. Another reason he could be reacting so strongly about this is because if it were him, he would want to know the truth.

I believe that part of the reason you don't want the guy to know is because this girl he is marrying was his g/f at the time that you were 'involved' with him and that could shake things up considerably, and even stop the marriage from ever happening.

If your husband goes ahead and tells him, this could mean the end of both yours and their relationships. I think you should let him know that once he opens this can of worms, it could create a lot of undue stress for many people. ON THE OTHER HAND - perhaps you and your husband could confront the guy - in private, and let him know. Then it will be his choice on whether to tell her or not, but your husband would be satisfied that he knew and he would have to deal with it himself.

It's a difficult situation, and I wish I could give you an easy answer, but after examining it from all sides, it sounds like a lose/lose either way, especially at this current time. The only other thing I could suggest is that you ask your husband to see a counsellor with you and let them help you make the most appropriate decision.

Answer 3

You do got a problem don't cha? can you say springer? ( is that show even on anymore?) anyways, I guess the baby daddy knows now that your child is his, why not ask him if he wants to be in the childs life, if the anser is no, then there is no good reason to reveal all. wrecking more lives isn't a solution, I am all about the truth , but I don't think there is an issue of truth here since no one asked who the baby daddy is but your husband. you know this info is gonna eat away at hubby because it is his friend and his friend has tasted his wife so to speak. maybe you should do the exb/f's new wife and then you will have been with all of them so no one can get mad. maybe you four should have a free for all . no more of them feeling like you got more out of it than they did. are you opposed to that? an old fashioned orgy? if you are then where was your conscience when you were banging the ex b/f while he had a g/f? be willing to allows others to do what you do yourself. set it up where your husband can bang the baby daddy wife. you wanted to taste both of them maybe hubby wants to taste both of you. or I can do you and old g/f and pi-ss your hubby and old b/f off. good luck.

Answer 4

Dont know what to tell you. You chose to keep this information to youself all these years, but now as the ex is getting ready to get married, you want to open this can of worms on him. What do you think the outcome will be? His soon to be wife will add up the dates, realise hed been messing around. What you have done is wrong, if you wanted to keep this secret, shouldnt have told the new husband. You cant prevent him from opening his mouth, you couldnt even prevent yourself from opening yours. Now what are you going to do? If you dont tell him there are going to be a lot fo issues between you and your husband,if you do tell, the effects on his pending marriage could end in disaster for him. Your call, Wish you the best of luck on this one.

Answer 5

As my friends would say, you are F*****d lol. Yeah you should tell him. He needs to take responsibility and you should have to. You better do it fast to cause other wise you are going to cause a huge mess. Well, you kinda already did. Girl, you may stop a wedding! Aye dios mio.... You all 4 need to sit down and talk about it REALLY Talk because he may then want to be in the kids life and you can't stop him from that if he does you should be proud he is stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility not many men do. Ya'll need to form a frienship together, know that it is something that happened yrs ago and something beautiful came out of it and y'all are going to do the best to make a good situation out of this for the kiddo. But yes, he has a right to know and you shouldn't care this by yourself.

Answer 6

I am missing something from this story. Did your husband think your son was a result of immaculate conception? Why the anger? At whom is the anger directed?
He married you presumably accepting to raise your son as his. What is the possible benefit of telling the ex-bf that he is the father at this point?
Maybe it would be best to let everyone know the true status of everything. If your husband goes, then bye bye.
If the ex-bf decides to do something different about his current gf then so be it.
You are a college graduate, so you do not have to have this husband if he decides to go.

Answer 7

Firstly, all lies come out in the open eventually. I am not sure why you were not willing to reveal who the father of your son is, especially to your son - so that he can know and have a father in his life. I am sure in your mind you had a very good, valid reason. However, living lies is deceptive, especially to yourself. Your son deserves to know his father - I cannot tell you the kind of damage that you have already done and will continue to do by living this deception. Even if you do not tell the truth, it may eventually come out. Let's just hope that by the time you have it come out, that your son will be able to forgive you for having him live a lie.

The truth will set you free - and especially from guilt and shame. I say tell the truth - regardless of the outcome. Besides, that your marriage was somewhat started on a rocky foundation (lying to your husband and not letting him know who the father is your child is). I hope that you will be able to work things out for the sake of your vows and your son.

Answer 8

I consider Bubba. the wonderful thank you to handle this kind of behaviour is to be style. It does sound annoying that your new neighbour is behaving during this manner, yet is it somewhat properly worth letting the area boost right into a neighbour dispute? If it is going on like this there may be a very unsightly ecosystem, that's undesirable. turn the different cheek. Be immediately along with her yet very friendly. If she asks why you have bought a sparkling trash can for her, you ought to assert "properly it regarded like tere grew to become right into a pretend impact and its no longer properly worth falling out with a good neighbour over a trash can." human beings can somewhat get you down with thoughtless behaviour or being impolite, however the way i seem at it, that's their subject. they're those lacking out. do no longer permit it harm even 5 minutes of your day.

Answer 9

Thats some crazy ****.
You could sell this to the lifetime channel for some real money.
But really, that sucks.
You can't prevent him from telling the guy.....but he should respect your wishes.
Did you ever even give the kids father a chance. Maybe he would want to know he has a little boy out there. Hard choices all around... And I wish you all the luck!!!
Ask your husband if he's ready for the rain of crap thats gona come down it this guy is told. Maybe the guy will sue for custody...of the little boy your husband now thinks of as his.
Maybe to add to the lifetime movieness......this couple ,marries and cant get pregnant, then decide they want your child as theirs and sue for custody. Its crazy all around, maybe should just leave it as is.

Answer 10

well i dont think you marrage should be on the line since this happened b4 you got married but i do think the father should know i dont think anyone has a right to keep a child from their birth father but the thing is your new husband isnt much support of this an dhe should be even though he should have been told of it sooner than he did you need to let the ex know whats up so that he can be apart of his kids life better for the child this way also.