What did C.S. Lewis, English author, mean in one of his diries, by :?

Question

"I never thought Grief
Would feel so much like fear!"
What event had finally awaken him into feeling so much, that he chose to write about previously truncated emotions?

Answer 1

I would imagine that his grief brought on questions about his beliefs which brought on fear that the world he knew and depended on was about to collapse.

A Grief Observed is Lewis's description of the journey he took after Joy's death, a portrait of grief and a struggle with his own faith.

Lewis: Talk to me about the truth of religion and I'll listen gladly. Talk to me about the duty of religion and I'll listen submissively. But don't come talking to me about the consolation of religion or I shall suspect that you don't understand. The conclusion is not "So there's no God, after all" but "So this is what God is really like, the Cosmic Sadist. The spiteful imbecile?"