Can you read my short essay and tell me what do you think about it?

Question

Is it organized well? If not please help me orginize and correct mistakes. and what do you think about word connectors that I used?

outline
1)Educational
2)health insurance
3) financial support
4) can get expiriences


young adults get benefits by serving their country. Young adult who serves for the country gets free educational scholarship and grands to attend college or another post secondary institution.They will also recieve free health insurance including payments for physicians,dentist and hospitals. In addition, young adults get financial support so they don't have to pay taxes. Besides that, they are eligible to recieve steady paycheck.

Answer 1

You don't say what grade you are in, so I don't exactly know how picky to be here...

1. Your outline needs to be parallel. That is, every point needs to be the same part of speech. "Educational" is an adjective; #2 and #3 are nouns; #4 is a phrase, and the word experiences is misspelled. Your outline should correctly read:
Outline for Benefits of Military Service
A. Education
B. Health Insurance
C. Financial Incentives
D. Life/Job Experience

2. Your topic sentence is fine, other than it needs to be capitalized and more specific. If you are referring to military service, then you need to say that.

3. The second sentence needs to say either "A young adult...gets..." or "Young adults...get..." You said "grand" when you meant "grant." "Post-secondary" needs the hyphen that I have put in it.

4. The third sentence has 'receive' misspelled, needs a comma after the word 'insurance,' and needs an 's' at the end of the word 'dentist.'

5. The fourth sentence does not make sense to me - I don't understand what you are saying.

6. Your fifth sentence has 'receive' misspelled, plus you need to say either 'a steady paycheck' or 'steady paychecks.'

7. You need to add two things - one is something that talks about point 4 of your outline, and the other is a good closing sentence that sort of restates your topic sentence, such as: "Serving your country is a winning idea for today's young people." Or, "As you can see, there are many advantages for young people to choose a military career, and this is certainly an option worth considering."

Answer 2

I guess your subject is How Military Service Can Benefit Young Adults. You did not say, but this is what I am gathering from your small amount of info. Mistake #1: Capitalize the first word: Young. Mistakes in 2nd sentence: adults (not adult) and serve (not serves) and our country (instead of the country) and get (not gets) and scholarships (not scholarship) and grants (not grands). Mistakes in 3rd sentence: free health insurance which includes: payments... Mistakes in 4th sentence: financial support by way of a steady paycheck that they do not have to pay taxes out on. Leave the 5th sentence out. You left out #4 on your outline. You didn't tell about the experiences such as possible travel, learning about other cultures, friendships and training. You need to make it flow.

Answer 3

Good. You covered 1-3. Suggestion for experiences is included.

Young adults benefit in many ways by serving their country. They receive scholarships and grants to further advance their education. They can avail of free medical treatments while within the barracks. They receive steady paychecks. They also gain skills and network that will be advantageous when they finish their stint in service for the country.

Answer 4

Grammatically, it needs help.
You spelled words wrong and used the wrong words (ie "grants" not "grands")
Your research is clearly lacking. (The government is trying to take hazard pay away from some of the troops stationed oversees. If it's not hazardous, why are we there? And my friend, who is in Kosovo as an MP right now, doesn't get free health insurance when he returns. Who did you talk to...a recruiter?)
Learn the facts before you report on it.

Answer 5

Educational yes sure. you need spell check though. Try replacing the young adults when used a second time. Refer to them as something else. Remember i before e except after C.

Answer 6

Yeah...English is clearly not your first language, so I suggest you take some classes to improve spelling/vocabulary, and so forth. This is a type of essay an English as Foreign Language student would write.

Answer 7

Your grammar and spelling are poor. Your subject/verb agreement is all wrong.

"Young adult who serves for the country gets..."

This doesn't make sense. Rewrite it.

Answer 8

Don't use young adult again in the second sentence

Answer 9

its really good but i almost fell aslep a little try to get their attnchion like....Hey,you all know young adults...yoda yoada