Should I worry?

Question

My husband talks to many females on the phone. I'm never around to hear any of the conversations, but he insists it is only talking and nothing else. I seriously bothers me because we both work full time, him having 2 jobs and I go to school. We very seldom see each other, much less talk on the phone. But when the cell phone bill comes, I see that he talks to mass females. I'm not worried that he is cheating and maybe I shouldn't be worried that he talks to them on the phone. I guess since he spends the time calling "friends" and not me, is what bothers me most. Am I wrong? Please serious replies only. I really don't want any smart a$$ answers. Thank you.

Answer 1

Even if he's not physically cheating, this sentence of yours pretty much says it all:

"I guess since he spends the time calling "friends" and not me, is what bothers me most."

You need to sit down and talk to him about how this makes you feel and see if a compromise can be reached. If he is unwilling to bend, your choices are to accept this as part of his personality, or divorce him and move on.

Aside from vowing to forsake all others, he also vowed to love and to cherish you and to honor and respect you... I suspect you are not feeling very loved, cherished, honored or respected right now... and he needs to know that, so he can have a chance to correct that situation.

It takes two to make a marriage work, but you cannot change someone else, you can only change yourself.

Answer 2

I can understand how two busy people may not be making time for each other. I too attend school and my husband travels a lot. He's probably just a little lonely and looking for attention. I'm sure he was getting attention before you were married. We've been in this rut. I read the book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. It's really basic. It says men are hungry and horny and that women need to feed them to keep them happy. I find this true. While going to school and working, I stopped doing the little things for my husband. Now that I've made an effort (even though it's really hard sometiems) to cook him dinner and greet him at the door, his attitude has changed completely. Again, it's little stuff, giving him a shoulder rub while he's on the computer and being concerned about how his day at work was. I hope that helps a little...

Answer 3

If you are having any worries/concerns, then you are probably concerned that he is cheating on you. If it is seriously just a problem you have that he calls the other ladies rather than calling you...well, then say something to him about it. It is possible for a guy to talk to other ladies and him not sleep with them, however, if he is trying to hide this from you, there may be something going on. If he is being sneaky or defensive, investigate...If he isn't, and this bothers you...then let him know this bothers you, and tell him why it bothers you. IF he loves you and/or cares about you, he will explain why or make the necessary adjustments to appease you. Don't accuse him of anything unless you have proof, and if you suspect anything...investigate before you accuse him. Just remember, it could be nothing.

Answer 4

You aren't talking to the right people. You should be talking to him.

First, if he insists that nothing is going on, trust him. If you don't trust him, your relationship is already in trouble.

Second, if he's lying to you, you also have more trouble than any of us can really help you with.

Third, if you talk to him or write him a letter explaining exactly what you just explained to us, maybe he'll see how concerned you really are. If he does what he should do, which is reassure you and respond to you completely, you will have no reason to doubt. If he brushes off your concerns, again, you have more to deal with than we can help you on.

But keep this in mind: many men who cheat are often driven to do so because they don't feel like their significant others trust them. It happened to my sister and her husband. She was so insecure and kept trying to monitor everything he did that eventually, he did it anyway. It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy for her. I'm not saying it was her fault, but no matter how often he tried to tell her he wasn't cheating, she didn't listen. And when he did, she tried to control him even more.

So, the more you worry, the worse it will get. Get it all out in the open. Afterward, if you are still worried, try worrying more about your insecurity and lack of trust in him than if he's cheating.

Answer 5

Well this is hard situation because on one hand he could just be friends but he should not spending majority of his time talking to other women on the phone. Tell him that you don't like it if he loves and cares for you like he should. It will not be a problem for him to let go. Cause first and for most he is to please you and keep you happy. And your first and for most job is to keep him happy. People for get that when they get married it is no longer what you want.....It is what your husband/wife wants and long as it brings respect to both you and him. He is not respecting you if he is constantly talking to other women on the phone.

I had a problem with my husband once. It was his birthday, he went out with his friends. He did not come home until 4 am. I don't play those games. i told him that I will not be one of those women wondering where her husband it at 4 am. So he apologized and told me what happened basically blamed his friends and I said If your friends will not respect the committment that you made to me then you should find new friends and from that point on when his friends wants to go out. I am invited. I know that he needs time away from me but don't go over board with it. I told you that to explain that you should talk to him about it. He is your husband not those women his is talking to constantly. And if he refuses to let go, tell him you all have a big problem because you feel that his calling disrespects you.

Answer 6

Talk to your husband tell him your concerns. Obviously you are bothered by the phone calls, you need to communicate your feelings and let him know how you are worried. A married man should not be having conversations with other women, even if they are just friends, that does not make any sense. You need to take a good look at your relationship and it needs to start with communication.

Answer 7

yes this is something to worry about. unless he has a job which involved talking to many females, i'd take this as a danger sign of cheating. cheating doesnt only mean physical contact. there is also a such thing as emotional cheating in which someone gets an emotional attachment by talking either online or on the phone. considering you both have a very busy life, it is likeley he is finding fun else where. give him more time for him and sit down and talk about it. i mean..even only talking can mean 'talking of sex', etc. just bring it up, communication is key.

Answer 8

All I can say is that I wouldn't want to be married to a person who can waste a huge amount of time talking on the phone. My husband is always either working (on his work or doing house projects) or he's spending time with me. He doesn't have the time to talk on the phone to anyone - males or females. I would certainly worry if it was otherwise. Idle mind spells trouble.

Answer 9

The phone works both ways. I know he's not calling you but are you calling him? Marriage takes allot of work try finding time to spend together even if it just a few minutes if you get home late try having a late lunch to sustain you til you can get together for a late dinner. Get a dry erase board and leave notes to each other. In short put a little added effort in on your part and see what he does. If he still ignores you and turns to them then it time to consider it may be over.

Answer 10

Ok I have the same issue because I work with a number of female clients. If it is nothing, then he should have no reservations telling you about the females he speaks with and you should not be jealous or concerned. If he is hesitant to discuss them with you in a serious manner (and his answer of only talking is not serious) then you need to be concerned.

Ask him to go for a walk and then talk with him outside of the home so it is more relaxing. Tell him you love him and trust him but are curious as to why he needs to talk with so many other females. Ask him if there is a point of communication you are missing he feels he needs to get from other women. If he gets defensive or angry, then tell him your suspicions are confirmed until he proves otherwise. If he comes clean and you believe him then let it be until proven otherwise