Should I give up the dream?

Question

I come from a family of musicians, mainly males.
I remember sitting on my dad's lap as a toddler singing with him and his band. For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a singer/songwriter/musician. The problem is, I let a lot of fears get in the way of that dream and now I'm a 30 yr-old single mom and I am starting to wonder if I should just give it up. To be honest, I really have no desire to be huge or "make it big" as an artisit, I just want my music to be heard. I know I belong on stage entertaining people because it's the only thing I have ever longed for. I've tried to take interest in other things, like simply being a writer. I haven't even obtained a degree in college yet, though I'm working on it.
Is it hopeless, foolish, just plain risky?
I need serious advice, thanks in advance!

What steps can I take and how should I start out if I don't play an instrument very well yet? I want to strengthen my writing and singing abilities, but I also want to learn a few instruments. My daughter is already reminding me of myself when I was little, she loves to sing, dance, and play on her little guitar.

Answer 1

I'm trying to remember when I gave up on "living the dream"...oh yeah...when I got tired of the commercialized music scene, living in apartments, and driving a 20 y/o car. That's when I went back to school and got into programming. I have the house, cars, and the money to buy the guitars and amps that I really don't even need. That's a nice place to be, and worth it to me.

Somehow I got inducted into playing with a local church band, and here I am seven years later leading it. Ten years ago I would have called anyone crazy for suggesting I might end up doing that. Playing with this great bunch of musicians really lets me scratch that itch. What really shocked me is I thought it had to be...ummm...slow, down temo music. Not with our band, it rocks every week. Before I was pulled into the whole thing, my music was on hiatus for almost 10 years.

My advice is to keep working on that college degree...that will keep you financially secure. In the meantime, keep playing, learning, writing! Our church is a great way to find other local musicians. I've been pulled into a couple cover bands on occasion, and there is even talk of a Presidents of the USA tribute band. Last news was the ultimate garage band...one that would never play outside that garage.

I know what you mean about belonging on stage...I can't stand it at all being in the audience anymore, anyplace. Just the thought of not being there seriously irks me.

Start with the guitar or keyboard...good solo and band instruments. Keyboard is easiest. Both are good for writing music with too. There are lots of outlets via the web to get your music heard now. Sam Ash or Guitar Center has plenty of gizmos for the computer to let you record your music. I recently bought the ProTools setup, and am happily recording all my spare time away.

Answer 2

I completely am in the same situation as you. I don't know that I can help you with your decision but I can let you know that you are not alone in it. I have been involved in music since I was 5 and have always wanted to play. Never to get "Big and Famous" out of the deal just to play and make a comfortable living and touch others with the fortunate gift I was given. I am 24 almost 25. I have had a couple of close chances at this dream and they fell through and other chances I had I was too afraid to go into because I knew they weren't the ideal situations I was looking for and was afraid I wouldn't be happy. I started earning a music degree and dropped out because I couldn't deal with people telling me how to play the music I had already been playing for years. So I sit here with no degree whatsoever. Truthfully the closer I got to my dream the less I wanted it because of the lifestyle involved and the fact that I someday want to have a family and didn't feel I would be able to be as good a husband or father that I could be if I lived that life.

The only thing I can tell you is that whatever you do, don't give up on music even if you resign yourself to the fact you might not be famous or make a living at it.. Do what you can when you can and you may be surprised what may happen, and as long as you never quit playing even if it isn't the center of your existence( more of a hobby, less of a career) your music will be heard and it will touch someone just as music has touched everyone at some point in there life. Chin up! Good Luck!

Answer 3

Follow your dreams, it's the best example you can set for your child. Why don't you start by attending an open mike at a local jazz club each week. Then take it step by step from there.

Plan on having a day job, but a night or two a week of pure joy, there is nothing wrong with. If it takes off into a true full time career, then Great! If not, that's okay, you still have it on the side.

I noticed your new comment. Most cities have song writing clubs, find one and join it. As far as playing an instrument, take guitar lessons with your daughter. The guitar seems to be the most well rounded instrument to learn as you can take it almost anywhere.

Answer 4

Nooooooo.... don't give it up! I regret that I had let my music take a back seat to raising a family and had "fallen out" for several years. You really don't have to give up on your family. Do as your dad did with you, and that is involve your children as much as you can. Now I have several children that are musicians and share that passion with me. I have just gotten back into music in the past 6 or 7 years and I wonder why I let it slip in the first place. I forfeited a lot of opportunities. I probably won't ever make it rich and the likelihood of you making it big is slim, but if you have a passion for it, you belong doing it and it will enhance your life. I'll tell you, there's nothing like being up there on stage, connecting with your audience. There is also a great satisfaction with writing and recording your own music. You don't have to have a degree in college to do this either (it may help or it may even hinder you, depending on how you look at it). What really matters is that you know how to take what's in your soul and put it to music. Have you discoverd the tools to make it happen? What will really combat your fears is to just DO IT! Learn your skills (instrument, voice, writing, arrangement, etc.) and then use those tools. Invest in lessons. Trust me, it's well worth the money. Then practice, practice, practice until it is as natural as breathing. The music is IN you, you just have to liberate it and get it out to those who want to listen. And above all, don't let any setbacks (and you will have lots of them) discourage you from your dream.

Answer 5

You must learn to prioritize. There is a big difference between putting your dreams on hold and giving up. Your number one priority is your child (I'm assuming). Life is funny at times. Maybe you weren't "born" to grace the stage until later in life. Maybe you were to raise this young lawyer, doctor, attorney etc...and then tackle your life in the lights of the stage.

You're 30. Hardly a stopping point for dreams. I would be willing to bet that you would consider raising a successful child more of a reflection of your success than you "being on stage". Devote your life to the success of the child and then grab life by the horns. At that point, there will be nothing left to stop you right?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear a story about a 70 year old graduating from college. The point is this: dreams keep us alive. Take care of the kiddie and let yahoo know when the first CD comes out. We'll be there for ya!

Answer 6

Donald Trump's first 4 business ventures failed. He got it right on the 5th and never looked back.

Don Johnson was labeled "The 6 Time Loser" by the TV industry because he was the lead actor in 6 failed TV pilots. The producer for a new TV cop show picked him and the network object. The producer, Michael Mann, insisted on Johnson and convinced the network to change it's mind. BTW, that show was called _Miami Vice_

Never give up on your dream.

PS. If writing and singing are your strengths, the instrument doens't matter. Popular music is some of the easist music to play. I know this because I'm a muscian!

-- Liam

Answer 7

Now i am not going to tell you to give up your dream. That is the one thing you should never give up on. What i will suggest is maybe changing it. You stated that you wanted to get your music heard. Well you are using the venue that would be the easiest way to do that. Get your music on the web, be it youTube or your own website or what have you.

There are ways to fulfill your dreams with out struggling to make ends meet or dealing with the stress of "the big time". Above all follow your heart!

Answer 8

With a child in the picture, your needs take a back seat to the child's.

You have to do whatever you have to do so that your child is taken care of....if this means putting your dream on hold, so you can get a real job, than thats what it means.....

But if you can perform at night, while you hold a day job, than go for it.....but baby comes 1st 2nd 3rd.....

Answer 9

I would go for it but thats just me. If this is what you want, then go for it, if you want to quit then quit, spend more time with your kids :) It is risky b/c if you do and then get nowhere, then you failed anyway, and if you quit without trying then you'll never know what the outcome would have been.

Answer 10

NO NEVER EVER GIVE UP. I HAVE DREAMS TOO AND IM JUST LIKE U. ALOT OF FEARS GET IN THE WAY. TOO MUCH STREES. CANT SLEEP. ETC. BUT STILL
KEEP ON FUCOSING ON IT AND U WILL GET IT!
MY ADVICE TO YOU IS TRY TO READ SOME BOOKS ABOUT DREAMS MAKING. U WILL GET THERE
GOOD LUCK. BYE