Last night we had a talk about the future between us and how i need to stand up to my parents (im 21) and mostly my mother... me and my bf have only been going out for like 11 months (well going on),anyways we have been talking about moving in together he still lives with his parents (he is 29) and has started thinking about find a place for us he waiting for me to find a job and for him to save some money up when he get back to work in a few weeks. I could move over to his place with his parents cause they well not mind if i do but mine well.... My bf wants me to take control of my life and and not let them tell me what to do any more... and that why his has thought about breaking it off with me thinking that if i dont step up how am i supposed move on in our relationship.... SO.... my question is how can i get him to be with me and stand up to my parents (mom) and tell that i want to move out and be independent .... they dont think it a go idea to move in with him and his parents
2007-03-13 08:46:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
ADDING MORE
but might be ok with the idea of me after i find a job cause my bf told its going to take the two of us to play for stuff if and when we get our only place ..... he has told me he want to be married by the time/ before is is 30 yrs old and me not steping up and taking controle with my life is stoping him from asking me (the question marriage) and if i dont at least soon he well break it off with me and i dont want..... so if you have any suggestion that would wonderful .... thnaks
2007-03-13 08:50:46 · update #1
we have started mostly him has been looking for a place of our own .... so we can move on with our relationship....with HIM
2007-03-13 08:54:14 · update #2
hie is living at home cause a year ago he moved out of the place where he a 3 other people were living and couldnt stand them and there ways so he is now started to look for a place again
2007-03-13 08:58:42 · update #3
my idea that came to me last night is the only way to get him to stay is make sure i get pragerent and that he well saty .... i know you are going to say this is not a good idea but he well stay if i am ... JUST A THOUGHT
2007-03-13 09:04:07 · update #4
My personal opinion is that you really have to weigh things out in this situation. Sometimes our parents give us really good advice that in our heads sounds horrible, and sometimes our parents give us really bad advice that, in our loyalty, we don't want to overlook. Sometimes it's hard to put the advice our parents give us into an objective standpoint so that we can consider their advice while making our own decisions.
Perhaps your parents are concerned with the fact that you are moving in with your partner's parents, and not really taking a step to stand on your own two feet. He is 29, and I don't know what the situation is, but they could just be afraid that once you move in with his parents that it will be so comfortable that you won't want to move. Perhaps they would feel differently if you were moving directly in w/ only your boyfriend. Or perhaps none of this really factors into their feelings.
I think the best thing to do is sit down with your parents (and I know it's not always the easiest thing to do, but you should) and have a long talk about exactly where their feelings are coming from. From there, you can determine where their feelings are coming from... and once you know how they are feeling you can then make a decision based on all the information.
The thing is, since you are even worried about your decision in regards to how your parents feel, you do care about what they think. If you care how they feel then you should ask them to really explain it, so that you can have an open conversation with them about what they feel is best for you - and from there it is up to you to set the course for your life.
Most parents would love to be our decision makers for the entirety of our lives, but we all know that would never work. We can, however, continue to consider their advice even after we have become decision making adults. So my advice is to get all the details and then go from there!
No matter what happens, Good Luck!
p.s.: You can take control of your life, as your boyfriend wishes, while still respecting your parents. Always remember that!
2007-03-13 09:28:03 · answer #1 · answered by brigidscircle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No to everything! No to getting pregnant and no to you moving in with him. Do you think this guy really wants to marry you if just because you didn't "stand up for yourself" (move out of your parent's house where you pay nothing and move in with him where you'd have to pay a lot) he would leave you? He is backing you into a corner and giving you ultimatums to do things that are putting you in a bad position with your family. And you are taking the bait like a dummy! A guy that really loves you and cares about you won't do that. PLEASE whatever you do DO NOT get pregnant! Bringing an innocent child into this world just so you can hold onto a guy is stupid and selfish, not to mention it doesn't tie him to you only to your child. You'd be surprised how many guys SAY they would stay if a kid were in the picture and then turn around and leave you high and dry with a baby.
2007-03-13 16:17:34 · answer #2 · answered by Vivita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a good idea to move in with his parents. Do it the right way. Get a job, save money, then move in YOUR OWN placeTOGETHER. Better yet, get your own place by yourself, have him get his own place and if you're still together in another 6 months to a year, then move in together. You might find you like having your own place and being independent. 11 months isnt really that long enough to be living together, you might find a lot of things that you find annoying about him and vice versa.
2007-03-13 15:52:16 · answer #3 · answered by boriqualoca17_99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this answer is not what you want to hear, but your parents are right. Do not move in with him and his parents. He is 29 and still living at home, who knows how long it will be for the both of you to move out of there. Let him know that you are interested in sharing a place with him, when the time comes.
2007-03-13 15:50:49 · answer #4 · answered by What Do I Know? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom is right. It is not a good idea to move in with him and his parents. I know that is not what you want to hear, but I can tell you from wisdom gained by age and experience that any 29 yewar old man should be responsible enough to already have his own place. You should wait until he gets a place and proves to you that he is capable of taking care of you.
Your mom loves you and wants the best for you.
2007-03-13 15:52:05 · answer #5 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you're coming from but check it out you are 21 and your boyfriend is 29 and you are not getting any younger. Let your parents know that you are grown. Parents got to understand that its time for you to grow up. If you are happy with him then do what you got to do. A man does not want a woman who is of age to still being on mommy or daddys leash because you live with them and you must apply to their rules. You got to make the first step.
2007-03-13 15:57:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you moving in with him and parents IS NOT a good idea. I understand about him wanting you to stand up to your parents (you are of age), but he needs to be patient with you. You definitely DO NOT want to tell your parents and burn a bridge between you and them. Men come and go, but family is forever...remember that. He needs to allow you enough time to tell your parents, besides he is 29 and at HOME...WTH!!!! He has his nerve...anyways!!! Just b/c your parents are cool with you living there, unless you are handicap or just moving back into town....why the hell are you still at home? Have you asked him that?
You need to take control of your life, so seat your parents down (without him) and tell them. Good Luck!!
2007-03-13 15:52:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK Whoa! !st he wants you to step up to your mom??? uhh he still lives with his parents and he is 29! what?? If you live with your parents you unfortunately still have to obey them..I know ..I know....That's stunning but I had to do it too...
I take it you don't have a job either...Maybe you will want to save some money up before you do anything drastic (like move in to his house with his parents) because when you visit them it may be totally opposite of what its like living with them) what happens if you do that and then it doesn't work out?? then your mom doesn't let you back home???where will you go??
just be careful of the dreams your boyfriend wants to give you...
Stay safe~& Good Luck~
2007-03-13 16:00:00 · answer #8 · answered by **Mishelly** 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Moving in with your boyfriend is NOT being independent, it is just switching from being dependent upon your parents to being dependent upon your boyfriend.
Perhaps you should stay with your parents until you find a way to make your own place in the world. Please don't build your world around a boyfriend--you're much too young to cut off all other options!
2007-03-13 15:51:16 · answer #9 · answered by nora22000 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, if you are 21 you can do anything you want to do. What are you afraid of?
Boyfriend 29 and living with parents? Hmmmmm....
I'd be careful.
FP
2007-03-13 15:51:00 · answer #10 · answered by F. Perdurabo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋