I'm from Asia& just got married early this year.I met my husband online back in 2004&first met him in March,2006 (in person),met him twice last year.We felt comfortable w/each other since we've been talking to each other EVERYDAY since 2004 (if you've experienced this type of relationship, you'd know how I feel).He proposed to me when we first met each other(he flew all the way to Asia).I came to the US on Jan. 2007&was very happy.Everything was wonderful but starting from 2weeks ago, I started getting jealous of his past GF #1 after she dropped him a call.He tells me to put it behind and that he loves me more than anything. But yesterday, I was on the computer and was looking at his logs(from messengers)& I read this msg w/his ex-GF#2 and they were talking dirty&obviously they've met and this was dated 4 months before we met,yes they've done u-know-what.I saw in his eyes that he was very sorry about it for not telling me but I am very upset.We love each other alot but this bothers me
2007-03-13 08:38:54 · 14 answers · asked by gurlielash 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
From what I've read, the thing with gf #2 happened before you met. There are lots of people (this is in reference to gf #1) who can remain friends after they have decided to end a romantic relationship, and the phone call was probably just to say hello and to see how your husband was doing.
It sounds like both you and your husband have invested a great deal of time, money, and energy into your relationship, and I would almost bet that he hasn't done anything that would violate your vows, your trust, or respect.
I have two pieces of advice that might help; if in doubt, ask. If you are having any doubts or fears, talk to your hubby openly and honestly. Share your concerns and fears. My second bit of advice is to stay out of his personal logs and folders on the computer. I accidentally misinterpreted something I found when I snuck a look into a personal folder of my husband's. I blew things so far out of proportion that I made an absolute fool of myself! My husband was shattered, but thank God, forgave me!
I'm sure all is okay! Good luck! Annie
2007-03-13 09:02:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want some advice? I'll give it to you.
STOP IT!
Jeez Louise! You had better get over this girlfriend thing and put it behind you NOW or break it off. PLEASE. You are starting your relationship - a long term committed relationship - on a foundation of mistrust and lack of communication. Do you think this is the bedrock and foundation of a happy, long term relationship.
TRUST IS THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE - PERIOD! If you can't trust your mate then you are a FOOL to get married. If you think that down the road something will magically change and make everything better - you are dead wrong. The way things are NOW is the way they will ALWAYS BE unless YOU change. That's it - that's the only choice you have.
You can choose happiness in a marriage or misery.
STOP READING HIS FRIGGING EMAILS! THAT IS NOT A NICE THING TO DO TO YOUR MATE. IF YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM THEN GET OUT!
FP
2007-03-13 08:45:24 · answer #2 · answered by F. Perdurabo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you saying that your husband had a relationship before he met you, or was engaged or married to you, and you want to know how to deal with that?
(You said it was four months before you met...)
What is there to forgive?
Yes, it may be a little creepy if a woman he used to date calls, but how can he control another person?
So what if he had sex with another woman four months before he met you? Did he know he was supposed to be saving himself for you when he didn't even know you were the woman he was going to marry?
Maybe he should have discussed his past relationships with you before, and maybe not... some people do and some don't. It sounds to me like you are the type of person to be very jealous (and you went looking through his private files to read what he wrote to other people?) I do not think that telling you about his past relationships would help the situation.
My wife lived with a guy for six months--that was more than a year before I first met her. I don't want to know the details, don't ask and she doesn't tell, except she was not happy with him and he was not nice to her. Should I hold that against her? No. I had sex with a woman (a meaningless fling) two days before I met the woman who fell in love with (during the next few weeks) and married (18-months later). Am I wrong for not disclosing this fact to her? Should I ask her to forgive me for that? No.
Unless your husband cheated on you (that is, gone on dates, kissed, has sex) since AFTER you've been engaged and married, I don't understand what you are heartborken about. Maybe you didn't explain it very well, or they way you wrote when things happened got confused.
The issue here is TRUST. You love him. He loves you. You got married and you need to trust each other... starting from when YOUR relationship started! You need to hold each other to your vows starting from the time you got married!
I'd say "get over it," but I don't see anything to get over.
You can NOT hold something against him that he did before he knew you or was committed or engaged or married to you!
2007-03-13 09:01:01 · answer #3 · answered by nsheedy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still in the very beginning of learning about each other and all you can do right now is fully communicate and learn what is relevant verses unimportant to worry about.
I would suggest that you get some marriage counseling - with a counselor that will be pro-active about building (not just listening to destructive behaviors) your marriage. And, if you join a Church, they have couples retreats - to help the marriage to grow stronger.
Don't give up so soon - don't be quick to judgement of him. Please give him some room to adjust to you and to wean himself from his former lady friends. Emotions are hard to let go if there were real feelings for those former girlfriends. He may have some guilt associated with them, too. Just ease up a bit and hear him out - allow him to fully explain and get things off his chest and open up to you.
This will take time. Please be patient!
031307 2:54
2007-03-13 08:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by YRofTexas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First rule of thumb no one you met on the computer is
entirely honest,cuz they do not have to be.Online how did you meet ,are you a mail order bride,and he met you cuz you were looking for a good husband so, you could come to the States.If he has been looking for women to be with,you are not the only one he is talking to.You say GF#1&GF#2,are you
#3.4,5,6,7.See what I mean.You will have to except you got into a triangle of G.F.'s.You will need to decide what you can live with,he is not going to change,Good Luck.
2007-03-13 10:48:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard to say but it seems like he makes connections easily via internet, as he did with you, i would have a hard time trusting him. Really depends on the amount of time he puts into his computer. He made a big committment to you, tell him it's hard for you to understand it right now. You need to build a relationship together.
2007-03-13 08:46:29 · answer #6 · answered by shayshay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you unsure of the answers you received? Your question has been posted 3 times. As I sad, it takes time for you to learn to trust him but I want to add that you should tell him what you expect right away.
2007-03-13 08:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Pamela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers you that much you need to find a new man that you know who could treat a lady and respect her and you has a clean body. [u know what i mean by that]. Dont do the online dating service!!!! You don't know if like one of these guys is a jerk or a pig or a rapist!!! you need to find someone by yourself and go out to clubs or go with your friends out in the world and you will find someone!!! just get out more
2007-03-13 08:45:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to say you need to trust him till you can prove something is there every thing you found so far is from the past before you met him so test him and let it go but if he keeps talking to her and keeping secrets from you i say have a talk with him and then think about moving on with your life.. hope for the best for you..
2007-03-13 08:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by tlcoufan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sry to hear that.tell him to STOP talking to them.If that is an issue in your Relationship then he needs to take initiative be a man and stop contacting those women.tell him to grow up,and be a man.
2007-03-13 08:44:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋