no matter how hard i try i can't seem to please my husband. he demands respect n says all the probs we have r all my fault. in his eyes i don't live up to my christian walk as i should, because i'm always finding a way to offend him. he condemns my walk with christ. looses his temper screams n yells stinging my heart without the slightest care in the world how it's affecting me. he says i'm creating stumbling blocks before him causing him to sin by losing his temper by the way i use my words it doesn't matter if i'm talking to him or someone else on the phone. i can't be myself anymore when he's here. i've often thought if silent treatment would be better n speak only when spoken to. u see i'm disabled nowhere to go no friends or family who believe me. my daughter seems to think her financial wellbeing to get him to supply needs she has when broke is more important then her mom. he's only her step dad. please i really need some help here. thanx
2007-03-13 08:33:30 · 17 answers · asked by ashlee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband is not being very Christian if he's being abusive in any way.
The best bet would be marriage counseling from your pastor. Most pastors will set him straight on how un-Christian being abusive to a disabled person is.
Then, if he still acts like everything is your fault, you should consider divorce. Abuse is abuse, whether it's physical or mental.
2007-03-13 08:39:52 · answer #1 · answered by Raising6Ducklings! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is a real tough one to answer without casting judgment on someone else. A true christian with the right belief will look at themselves for fault before blaming anyone around them for a problem that they are in and accepting blame for part of it. A true christian also uses compassion and fights the temptation to lose their temper when talking to someone else. These things are not only true for Christians, but for non Christians too if they value another persons feelings. It takes two people to create an argument and it takes two people to resolve one. You cannot resolve differences by simply assigning blame or brow beating someone into submission. There are many people that have split churches in half because they think their way in looking at the way they interpret the Bible is the correct and only way it should be followed. That is why there are so many churches today with such a wide difference in their views. Many people will also use their interpretation of the Bible to confirm their way or opinion even though their interpretation is dead wrong. Even though you may be handicapped you can still use a telephone. Try a call to your pastor, bishop, reverend, deacon rabbi, or whatever chruch leader you are affiliated with and describe what you are going through. Explain also your fear of retribution you face from not being able to communicate directly to your husband and ask for guidnace and/or interevention on their part to help you resolve this conflict. You might also mention that you feel a real need for marital counseling since you both seem to have strong faiths. If the counseling doesn't work and you just can't seem to find a way to break down the walls that keep getting higher between you, you may have to keep in mind that some people that don't have the will to provide the same effort to compromise and change eventually have to get divorced. Life is too short and precious not live happily. I wish you the best in whatever happens and regardless of whether or not your husband shows you the love and respect that he should, God always will no matter how imperfect you seem to be.
2007-03-13 09:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This something you need to discuss with your local pastor. I feel like your husband may being inflicted with something that is why he is treating you this way if your pastor has ever had dealings with exorcisms or calling out spirits I would suggest your husband get's this done. I know your probably saying what are you talking about I'm telling you I have first hand seen many people that have been possessed by demons and evil spirits I'm not yanking your chain or anything it appears your husband could have a very religious spirit attached to him and that is why he is treating you so strangely. Most men and women who follow God and his teachings are not abusive the reason for that is God is Love if nothing more is learned in church remembering that God is Love in your life is the best learned scripture.
God Bless may your prayers be heard strongly!
2007-03-13 08:57:05 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please seek help from the pastor or ask the pastors wife for a consular for starters .Both need to attend .
next you and him need to read Ephesians 5:20-33
He should notice 5 times instructed to love the wife as Christ loved the church He died for us !
Vs 21 submit to each other ! No over lording !
We are to stand side by side .
the only thing is for a final say after all the cards are on the table and thing are talk through in love and grace and other consul is sought out if need then he make the final division
after you all pray about it .
Christ did all in love as we should unless He saw total wrong
but then still loved the sinner but hated the sin !
The daughter better go up and work for her self !
2007-03-13 08:57:28 · answer #4 · answered by Duck / Deer 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess the most logical answer would be for you to pray for him. It sounds to me like he has a lot of issues and is trying to make things miserable for you. He needs to find some way to make himself a better person and then maybe he will be a better husband to you. Until then, maybe you should consider moving someplace here you won't have to deal with him being ignorant towards you. I don't think anyone deserves to be treated poorly by another human being. Act now, don't wait,it will only get harder!
2007-03-13 15:03:32 · answer #5 · answered by Special K 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is not liven up to his christian walk if he verbally abuses you. I know how you feel my sister's husband is the same way. But I tell her if her and the kids ever want to leave him I am there for and the kids. If nothing else I am here to talk to.
Your family and friends should believe you no matter what.
Good Luck!!
2007-03-13 08:49:36 · answer #6 · answered by Debbie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well being a Christian I can come to you in that manner. If you think back to bible school you can remember Jesus' saying "He who is without sin cast the first stone." Your husband should not be verbally abusing you in any way. If you are doing something that he does not agree with he should come to you in love not condemnation. {The bible says in Ephesians 5:21-33 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- 30for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery -- but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.}
If you want this relationship to work these differences must be worked out. The church that God has placed you has to be where you must go for healing in your marriage. You must find a person of the cloth who will help you and your husband get thru this difficult time. It is hard enough as it is out here and the divorce statistics are the way they are. This is just a test of your faith and your marriage. Prayer does change things. Husband must realize that all fall short. No one is perfect in the sight of the Lord. And if he feels you are going something that is not pleasing in the Lord's sight. Yes he should call you out on it but he must do it with love and understanding. Not meanest and judgmental. Because he is doing something that God does not like as well. Talk to your church leader about it maybe even having marital counseling to discuss this situation because no one deserves to be abused by the person they love
2007-03-13 08:53:18 · answer #7 · answered by Shawnese D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't sound real Christian to me................you are going to have to go out and seek some emotional help. Do not be embarresed, you MUST tell someone who can help you. Is there someone in your family you trust? They can help you!!! Please, for your sake, your problem is bigger than any help you can get here. Go to your pastor if you have to. He will set you in the right direction.
Be strong. You can do this. You say you are a Christian. Remember, Jesus suffered utter agony before he was finally nailed to a cross, he was strong. He is an example to us. Be strong. You can do this.
ALSO, "Shawnese" below me gave some very valuable advise! Good job Shawnese!
2007-03-13 08:47:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Matthew 18 describes the process for church discipline. If you believe him to be abusive, take it to him first. If he resists, take your case to the pastor or elders of your church and ask for them to examine the evidence provided by each of you and to make a determination.
The process is not designed to punish him, but to return him to fellowship with the body of believers. If he is abusive, then they should seek to turn him from his abusive ways.
Perhaps they will support you in a seperation until he has addressed his issues.
It's probably that YOU TOO have issues, so ask the church to show you your errors.
I'm not saying that to excuse his behavior, I'm not. However, it is possible that you trigger him, and he doesn't have the emotional or spiritual maturity to respond in a healthy fashion.
Again, in no way are you to take that as blame.
I'm simply asking you to identify and ask the church to ID areas where you need to improve as well.
2007-03-13 08:41:41 · answer #9 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cain and Abel come to mind, you really need to get out of this marriage. you say you are disabled? then by the way you describe him. and by the way how long have you been disabled? for he may be ashamed of you, and has no way to get to his true feelings.........but then again, he cold be one of the dumbest people on earth and thinks it is ok to abuse someone else...if it were me, i'd leave
2007-03-13 08:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by phishsports 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋