I dont know if anyone out there has had this situation but, I recently asked my husband why he spends alot of time with his sister like talking to her, they go out to lunch together alot, or to the store during lunchbreak alone and call eachother alot and when im with them they just talk to eachother and im left out just sitting there. It really bothers me. I dont mind if he talks to her at all thats not really it. But ive always been last and ive always put him first. He says its convenient. I told him that i would like for us to spend time alone together like that as a couple but he doesnt really say anything to that. He says that he considers me and my daughters as US. I dont want to bring it up to him anymore because he will get angry and start putting me down. Can someone give advice about how i can go about this situation? Should I leave it alone? Or does it make sense for me to feel this way?? My husband wont understand. Please help??
2007-03-13 08:19:03 · 12 answers · asked by Sweetheart 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Set him straight , he's married to you not her your time is needed as much or more then sister.
2007-03-13 08:26:50 · answer #1 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave it ALONE. She is HIS sister for heaven's sake. Would you like for him to seek the company of other women instead?
Him being close to his family says a lot about him. A healthy and respectuful relationship with the women in his life is a great sign of family values and nurturing upbringing.
Maybe you don't have brothers and siters or if so, you don't have a close relationship with them, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have the right to be close to his sibling. Remember that she was there before you and this is a battle that you will not win.
You are being unreasoable by being jealous (yes, that's the word!) of your sister in law. My bf best friend is his sister and they are conjoined at the hip! They talk everyday, they go together, they miss each other, they help each other... they have a wonderful relationship and is great to see a pair of brother and sisters getting along nowadays.
How to handle it? Leave it alone. It doesn't make any sense for you to feel this way. What you want is ATTENTION and you feel threatened by you SIL taking the spotlight away from you. Co-dependency and unreasonable jealosy will ruin your marriage. Learn to be happy without having him reassuring you that he loves you and your daughters, You are extremely insecure and that is NOT healthy. Work on your insecurity issues. It seems to me that you are bringing baggage into your marriage.
Good luck
2007-03-13 15:46:25 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to feel the way yo do. Your husband and his sister should make more of a effort to put you in what they are doing even if they are just talking about something. Your husband should care more how you feel then his sister being convenient for him. Also he should never put you down no matter what the situation is.
Good Luck I hope some if any will help you.
2007-03-13 15:34:28 · answer #3 · answered by Debbie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have two options. One is swallow and dela with it, find your free time wonderful for you to take some lessons or visit a museum etc,. OR, talk straight to him and tell him that this is hurting the relationship and that you deserve to be number one, that you him and your daughter are a family now, with this he may change or he may keep just being the way he is, men are like that, but at least you told him and if he doesn´t change, you too start going out more, not putting him as number one, he may realize that something is changing and react.
Good luck!
2007-03-13 15:33:05 · answer #4 · answered by copita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex was like that with my youngest sister and it was the reason for our divorce. You can only play second fiddle for so long. You are suppose to be the most important person in his life , not his sister. Talk to his sister and tell her how you feel . I wish I had done that when the relationship started between my ex and my sister. I told him , but I never talked to her. Men never listen and they think we are being petty. But we do have feelings and they have no idea how things hurt us to the core. STand your ground. Talk to her and then talk to him. If you have a sister or brother give him a taste of his own medicine I am sure he would not like that.
2007-03-13 15:42:28 · answer #5 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband puts his mother before me, so I know where you're coming from.
More and more, with time, he seems to be liking me just a bit better (she gets on his nerves a lot), but still I can't say anything about her without him thinking I'm attacking her, or that I hate her (in fact I think that she's a very lovely, generous person, just she's quite overbearing and opinionated (and gossippy!!) at times).
I think that you should just be patient, and give him space. Hopefully he will eventually realise that you do everything you can for him since you love him so much, and that what he's got with you is so much more special than he could have with his sister. It will be hard, but it will be worth so much more if he comes to realise for himself how he's treating you (she is his full-blood sister, not a step-sibling, I'm assuming).
:)
2007-03-13 15:26:59 · answer #6 · answered by A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
80% of people in Western countries have at least one sibling, and siblings generally spend more time together during childhood than they do with parents. The sibling bond is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and people and experiences outside the family. Your husband may have very strong bond with his sister and i wouldn't do anythink to brake it. It will not do any good for the relation with him.
2007-03-13 16:13:04 · answer #7 · answered by bibus75 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes perfect sense to me. Your husband sounds as though he is closer to his sister than he is to his wife ( that's you.) You have every right to feel second best because that is how he is treating you. You say he is an angry man when you try to communicate about problems, but I think you should go ahead and explain to him what it feels like when you are around his sister. If they are snobby too, you really should be the angry one. He is showing his sister more respect than his wife. Be brave and stand up for yourself.
2007-03-13 15:33:12 · answer #8 · answered by Pamela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem a little self-centered to me. Nothing wrong with a man talking to his sister, or having friendships with anyone of either sex in fact. I say leave it alone and stop trying to make an issue where's there's none to be made.
2007-03-13 18:09:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to say something to him, explain to him that it's not that you mind that he does things with his sister, but that the two of you need to do things as a couple. Don't let him put you down either, you are entitled to feel how you want.
2007-03-13 15:29:56 · answer #10 · answered by sweetpea22306 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋