After Baby, Wife and Husband at odds?

Question

It seems like since I had the baby, my husband and I are on different sheets of music. He doesn't help with anything. He does not help with the baby at all, no diaper changing or up at night, and it seems like all he and I do is argue. Help or advice?

Answer 1

This is normal. My wife and Ihad disagreements or rather I didn't recognize her needs as well as I should have (being young and selfish does that to you). Talk to him about it. I wish I would have worked things out better with my wife then. It has really saddened me lately. Tell your husband he will regret not doing those things later on (changing diapers, getting up late). I did it to some degree (not as much as my wife by far). But I still have fond memories of holding my daughter as a gav her a bath or changed her poopy diapers. They don't stay like that forever. In a couple of years, they are out of diapers and won't want to come near you. By doing all the things you mention (changing diapers, giving baths, helping with the bottle) your husband will create memories and bond more with your child. Tell him to trust me I've got experience with these matters.

Answer 2

I know what you are talking about. my husband and I had much the same issues in the beginning. He wasn't ready for the lack of "freedom" even though we both agreed on baby. Something we both enjoyed so much was being able to get out and about whenever and where ever, but it seemed I was more ready to give all that up and take charge in my role. When baby came we were both happy about it, but as time went on things changed. He wanted to go out and do more and more on his own leaving me at home to tend to our new baby, he pretty much stopped talking to me, didn't stay round long enough to really spend any time with me and the baby. We would fight and fight about it. Eventually I got tired of the fighting and his antics. So instead of coming at him with a hostel tone, angry or not, I told him calmly that I wanted to talk. The conversation lasted for a long time(after baby went to bed). In the end we decided together to balance baby duties and family time and "free" time as we call it. We also agreed to have one night each to do whatever we wanted with no fuss from either of us. Things have been alot better since and lot less arguing. Don't underestimate the power of compromise and talking calmly. You have to find a balance in both your lives so that EVERYONE is happy, not just you and not just him. If he won't talk calmly or refuses to compromise then maybe it is time for counseling. If he refuses that then maybe you need to figure out what is really going on with him on your own as to why he isn't willing to help the family get better. I hope all works out for you and your hubby and you get to a place where you can enjoy being a family!

Answer 3

You each need to accept something.... children are not bonding, hon, they are divisive. And your roles are now way different, as you are finding.... You went from being the sexy lady and babe to a mom, and he went from being the stud to father and husband, and of COURSE you aren't on the same sheet of music. What did you expect?

The trick now is to adjust to your new roles while preserving your now changed-forever marriage. And for that, hon, you may need some help. You might find a few session of counseling your only salvation. Otherwise the resentment will just grow, it will then be the only flavor in your mouth, and your marriage will not evolve....indeed it may be doomed, as are so many who find that children weren't what they thought they were going to be....

Good luck, hon.

Answer 4

when I first had our daughter my husband was great, he changed the diapers got up with her, I had a c-section so I couldnt move that good, but then he started slacking off until he wasnt helping at all and I got tired of it because we were fighting all of the time and I told him that he was gonna have to start helping me and now he does. So just talk to him. I am pregnant again so I hope he doesnt do the same this time or Im gonna have to kick his ***!! lol

Answer 5

Could it be that husband feels inadequate in his abillity to care for baby? Might he be a little jeaous that this commotion has come into the picture? My advice is to set your pride aside and communicate. No whining or complaining - just reaching out for help. Men like to feel needed and appreciated. They especially want to know that your feelings for them have not changed. I know that you also have needs, but unfortunately these will not be met by hubby if he is feeling useless and abandoned. Plan a night out without baby to just have fun together and work on your relationship. Baby will be fine.

Answer 6

Are you arguing because your tired, hormones and everything. This is a scarey process for men as well as women. You need to sit down and talk to him, dont blame or accuse, just talk. Let him know how you are feeling, I mean after all he isnt a mind reader, could be, but highly doubt it. Best of luck with this

Answer 7

stop expecting!
expectation leads to disappointment and frustration which leads to argument and sourness in relationship.
talk to him!
b vocal of ur thoughts and feelings, but tell him, don't argue.
keep a help!
it is a good idea to employ part-time/full-time help so that u can rest and jobs r also done.
congrats and all the best!

Answer 8

it could variety via the older era's background of eye shade. to illustrate, in the adventure that your grandparents or great-grandparents had blue eyes, the genes for that particular eye shade would properly be handed down. except you establish to purpose genetic mutation on your infant (optimistically no longer!), this is the only thank you to receive this form of needed trait. the possibilities of the infant having blue eyes whilst the two spouses have brown eyes provide it a decrease proportion.

Answer 9

Set him straight that there are two parents here and he need sto chip in with help for baby.

Answer 10

hmmm sound familiar. my ex husband was the same way. you are arguing with him possible because you are resentful of him not helping. you are gonna have to talk to him or it will get worse. please don't just let it fester.....good luck and congrats on the baby!!