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What would you do? I just found out that my ex-brother in law is abusing cocaine again. He is in his 40's, a very hard worker, but he is just a terrible father in a lot of ways, he is not home alot, the boys are left to take care of each other since they were very young. He loves his boys so much, but he just isn't the greatest at buying food or clothes for them poor boys. He tries to raise them right, I know he does. These boys have been through so much, their mother ( my sister) abandoned them so many times, and she is un-fit to parent right now. Now all they have literally is their father, I am their aunt, but live 35 miles away. My mom cleans their house weekly, and she found little empty bags of cocaine today, he said he had quit, but I guess not. He got a drug charge at Christmas and was arrested. I like him a lot, I want to help him. What should I do? Are the kids going to be okay if they stay in that house? There is almost never any food in the house. The boys are 10 and 11 yr

2007-03-13 07:31:06 · 27 answers · asked by "Mia" 2 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

27 answers

My sister was in the situation. The husband was a user and she was homeless and hung out with users. She was on welfare and had 4 kids 3 taken away by CPS. The oldest was not taken and is a year younger than me. She followed in her moms foot steps and is worse off than she is. The mom didn't get to see them till the foster parents contacted her and let her visit them at the park, (which is a big no-no)but the family doesn't see much of the kids. Thats why CPS may not be a good idea. She then had 3 more kids with the same looser.

My other sister has been married for a while and her husband makes enough for her to stay home with the kids. So they adopted them and the rest of us take the kids to give them a break once in a while. I would have but I am single and don't make much money.

Have a family meeting and decide who will get the kids and how will everyone help take care of them. The state will help pay for their care till the state allows adoption. There is a screening process and hoops to jump through but it can be done. Then the dad can foucus on treatment ......or not. Adopting them in the family helps keep the kids around the loved ones and family members then they will be able to see the Dad but not to the point where it will mess them up. For now have the kids go over to the grandmas for dinner if possible and see if you can pick them up for the weekends.

2007-03-20 11:31:45 · answer #1 · answered by Sup! 4 · 0 0

Are you kidding me? Do you really have to ask? Take them home with you ,where they can be feed ,loved, have a stable home, or Foster Care or CPS will make sure of it.This is a no brainer.These kids need a place to go ,that is happy and healthy.Not in some crack house with no food or love provided.It is not love putting children through something like that.He is very selfish,and folish to think his behavior will bring out a positive out come.Get some help for those boys now! Counciling/Food/Shelter/Love. I dont care if you like there father or not.The children come first.Please wake up and smell the coffee on this one.Sorry, but I have 3girls and if I found$Y^%$ like that it would more than over. Get help ASAP.

2007-03-13 08:09:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No these children are not going to be ok. i cann,t believe you had to ask this. How can they be ok if there is no food in the home at times and their father is doing cocain. These children should be removed from the home immediatly. If you or some other family member cann,t take them then you need to report it so the kids can be placed in a home untill the father learns what his priorities are. I cann,t believe that he loves them so much when he does not keep food in the house for them and does drugs there too. i once was a crisis home for children and i have seen what this type of enviroment can do. If you love them then get them the gelp they deserve and need.There is all types of help out there .

2007-03-13 07:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by curious 5 · 0 0

I am a foster parent and I see this alot and I have to put my 2 cents in so i hope i do not affend anyone....I know this guy loves his son's we all love our children as i have adopted 4 children and a bio mom of 2 ..Your brother in law will always love his children no matter what....
He just needs to get help and a helping hand not a hand out....We all need a helping hand from time to time and it sounds like he needs his helping hand right now....Is there anyone that can help the boys when he's using?? maybe have the boys over for dinner and lunch...A weekend stay...
Even if the mom left them so many time....the boys need to know there mom loves them...they know in there hearts but if you tell them it helps there heart so much....I have to tell my children that there bio parents love them and i'm happy to do that... cause it was not the child that done this to themselfs.....
If i was you i would tell him to get help and you take in the boys if yo really wont to help and if not find someone ....It's going to be so hard on your family but look at it now.....tell him it's getting help and you or someone have the boys or tell him you will take action on calling the cops cause you love your nephews..If they stay in the house they will only find they drugs nd use them....It happened to a close friend and when they came home they found the 7 year old boy dead at the door....he had found the drugs and did not know what it was and thought it was sugar so he poured it down him and he was trying to get help and head out the door when he died....
almost never any food in the house could or would you like to live like that and buy the way if you know all this is going on it's like you rae doing it to them poor boys too.you can do something about it .them boys can not.........i would not beable to go to sleep knowing your nephews are going to bed with out food........there are so many kids go to school everyday hungrey and thats why they go to school sick even so they can eat...isn't that sad don't you wont to help them poor boys now,,,,,and the bad thing is you are keeping food from them also.....if you think about it it's true....I have been a foster parent for over 6 years and i have had 13 kids at my house at on time cause they did not have a home and i had a big house and the health and welfare knows me good and the bottom line is if you can not take the boys god please have a heart and help those children......noone needs to live like that....

2007-03-13 07:48:56 · answer #4 · answered by Dawn l 2 · 2 0

The worst thing you could do is leave those boys in the house with him. They are too young to be taking care of themselves. Because you are a relative you could take the boys, with the help of the court, until the dad staightens out. He would have to go to rehab and submit to weekly drug tests for so long before he could get them back. You need to do what is best for the boys andthem being in that situation is NOT best.

2007-03-13 07:35:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Sit down and discuss your concerns with him as a family. Tell him you are willing to do whatever necessary to protect the children. If he needs rehab then take care of the kids while he goes. If he refuses to quit or seek help then tell him you will seek legal means to take the children from him. You and your mom need to step up to the plate and care for these children before someone else turns him in to CPS. If that happens there will be major problems trying to keep the kids in the family. They will wonder why you did nothing before. Best of Luck to you!

2007-03-13 07:40:18 · answer #6 · answered by pnut 3 · 1 0

He has a problem that needs intensive professional help. He needs social services to get involved and the kids need stability and love. Until he has a handle on his own issues, his options need to be taken away from him. Get him a chemical dependency assessment and treatment. He needs to have a firm and controlled hand to guide him through this. Get guardianship for the kids. An intervention needs to happen before the kids see this as a normal way to deal with stress and issues that life throws at you. If you really do love him, get him the help he needs and be there to support him through it all. Your concern speaks volumes. Now, go get 'em!

2007-03-20 10:31:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jeff F 2 · 0 0

I guess stupidity just runs in you family, doesn't it? He loves his kids, he's a good father...blah,blah,blah! Did you even proofread this nonsense before posting such outlandish remarks?

A good parent does not do drugs instead of caring for his kids! A good parent will find a way of getting back on track after a break-up! A good parent does not endanger the safety of his family by going in and out of jail! A good parent provides FOOD for his family! Do you see the oxymorons you've written? If those kids are going to get a fair shake at life they need to be as far away from that worthless piece of crap as possible. If you or anyone in your family had an ounce of sense, DCFS would have been involved years ago! Get your heads out of the clouds, be proactive and if any of you really have any concern for your nephews, get proactive and get something real done!

I am this crass, caustic and non-sarcastic because I feel this is the only way to get through to you. I'm sorry if it has caused you to cringe or feel bad in any way.

2007-03-13 07:52:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 2

Have a sit down heart to heart with him and put your concerns on the table. If he really cares, he'll voluntarily check into rehab and give the boys to you. If he doesn't, you'll have to report him and then he'll have to get them back through the courts. Don't let another day go by without taking care of this. It's gone on long enough. Make sure the boys get some counseling.

2007-03-13 07:40:07 · answer #9 · answered by eehco 6 · 0 0

First, I would get together with the other family memebers and amongst you guys, you need to find a suitable home for those children. He DOES NOT need to care for those children. He is UNFIT!!! I know you say that he wants to do his best, but his best right now is the COCAINE and trust me, it will take presidence over EVERYTHING.....including family....obvious though, right? He will not be able to just walk away, he needs treatment, esp. if his children are not enough for him to get clean.........Cocaine is his family now.

I think you guys need to seat down and plan an intervention OR call DFACS and remove the children from his care. He clearly cant take care of them and leaving them there will cause more harm then good. Just make sure that, if you guys go through with the intervention, that you stick to it.

Just think about the children......they are suffering and TRUST ME when I tell you that it WILL effect them when they get older........TRUST ME!!! Dont put them through that if it can be prevented.......please!!!!! Good Luck.....I will prayer for your family.

2007-03-13 07:43:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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