Why does infidelity hurt so much?

Question

Is it the lies, deception, broken vows, humiliation, thoughts of him/her with other people? Thoughts??

Answer 1

Infidelity hurts because it is a deep betrayal. It is difficult to grasp the fact that someone you love would do something to hurt you. It makes you learn to distrust and that's a bad feeling. Infidelity can also make a person feel insecure and inadequate.
Once you find out that someone is cheating on you, it makes you feel that your life with him/her is one great big lie. You realize that while you were trying to build a life with someone, they were secretly having a life with someone else. The good part is that life does go on and if you stay strong, you will realize that no one should have that power over you life.

Answer 2

You set yourself up to believe that the other person couldn't possible hurt you. It's a false sense of security and trust and a form of self-absortion. That's what causes the pain. When you really love unconditionally there is no pain involved. But, when someone doesn't live up to our preimposed "standards and expectations", then that's when it hurts.

It hurts because you choose to take the direct hit not understanding that the person betrayed the marriage and not you. Marriage is never about the feelings of ONE person.
When you make it that way, expect pain.
You see, when you enter a relationship with the understanding that there will be no infidelity, then you really are manifesting the possiblity of infidelity in your relationship. Committed relationships should be entered in unconditionally and accepting that person for who they are. Period. Then they will accept you unconditionally for who you are and it would be impossible to betray you. For example, marriage vows don't say, "you promise not to have sex with anyone else ANYMORE". That's because infidelity isn't even an issue when giving marrige vows. Marriage vows are unconditional....for better or worse...

Not saying that cheater isn't wrong, but the pain is self-inflicted and self-perpetuated. Rejection is a state of mind you choose to embrace which makes it hurt.

Answer 3

It's the lies and deception. It is because you have invested so much love and trust into someone only to have it all shattered. Infidelity doesn't just hurt once, you learn to distrust everyone just to keep it from happening again.

Answer 4

It is a major thing! It hurts very bad .I think its the trust issue ,as in your everything not to hurt you ,Its like getting thrown off a cliff by your like mother .You gave all yourself to them to protect u from harm.So it feels so bad .Your beliefs are jolted to the core.Im sorry u have to feel it.One thing is you will heal in time.But do the smart thing dont let tht person hurt u again.They did show u they are not who u thought.There is no going back to what u had.Not with all they say like Im sorry ect........Go thru this once only and move on.Better to hurt big once than again and again .Hang in there!

Answer 5

Thoughts of them with someone else, and the lies and sharing of their emotions with someone else, that was supposed to be only for you. It's almost a physical reaction, to hurt so much, and yes, it makes you want to just puke!

Answer 6

It's all of those things. You put your complete trust in someone and they betray you. It's one of the ultimate pains in a relationship.

Answer 7

For me, it was all of the above. Not to mention that he worked with her so I would have to include embarrassment (that his co-workers were aware of our marital problems).

Answer 8

For me it was mostly the lies.

Answer 9

all of the above. Just thinking about makes you want to puke. You have my sympathy.

Answer 10

All of the above.