I caught my wife having an affair, I dont know what to do. it has been very hard on me.?

Answer 1

I am sorry to hear about your wife. I hope that you are able to stay strong to pull yourself through this. Usually when a spouse cheats it is because there is something missing within their marriage. It could be anything from loneliness to feeling unloved or unwanted. There are several reasons as to why. But usually the problem has everything to do with communication. The reason I say this is because a person who communicates well with their spouse would just talk to their spouse. Rather than cheat this spouse would fully tell you how they feel, why they feel this way and what needs to be done to make it better. In a marriage that lacks communication you will start to feel trapped. You will question your feelings and whether they are valid. You will feel alone as if you've got no one to talk to and share your feelings with. You will feel as if it is all coming down on you simply because you carry it all yourself rather than working it out together with your spouse. Now I'm not saying you are the problem but rather the relationship itself. Because the relationship is not healthy enough to merit eachothers honesty without consequence. Without consequence is everything basically because it is hard to not to take things personal. You should be able to tell your wife anything and vice versa without getting offended. So I am saying that there is a communication problem among others. Now only you can decide whether her cheating is a deal breaker for you. And if it is, you must do what is needed and move on. However if you love your wife and you are willing to work past this, be prepared for the hardwork ahead. You will need to fight every shred of your instinct to not throw her cheating up in her face. It will take all the love you have to forget about your pride and fix your broken marriage. But you must figure out if this marriage is worth the fight. Worth every bit of energy and strength you have. Let me say that no one is perfect. Not one person can say they've walked through life making all the right decisions. We all learn from our mistakes. So it really is up to you and what you want for your future. Also I want to tell you that I strongly believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that these trials are given to us to overcome so that we are stronger and wiser for the future. God truly works in mysterious ways. What seems to be a punishment from God could end up being a blessing in the future. I wish the best for you and your family! Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 2

Guess it depends on what you both want the final outcome to be-and ultimately whether you can trust her again long term.

If you think you can forgive her and she's genuinely sorry and willing to do what ever it takes to build the trust back up between you then maybe there's a chance.

That said, don't allow her to breeze back into your life as though nothing has changed or you're on a hiding to nowhere from the start. Some straight talking in a mediated arena may help you regardless of the eventual outcome marriage-wise. Alternatively have you got friends that you can approach for moral support if nothing else? Genuine friends won't judge you or your wife whether you decide to work it out or not.

Only you know what your circumstances are-and what you actually want to hear from asking this question. Be honest with yourself and her-and ensure she's willing to do the same.

If she's not then do yourself a favour and end it once and for all before you get any more hurt than you already have been.

Good luck either way.

Answer 3

A lot of people are probably going to automatically tell you to leave your wife for her mistake. First, you have to ask yourself a few questions. Do you truly love your wife? Does she believe what she did was in fact a mistake or would she do it again? Is she sorry for hurting you? The main thing for me would be, if it seemed like a pattern. People make mistakes, but if she was having a full on emotional and physical affair with someone else, you two need to figure out why. Was something missing? Were you working too much? Was she working too much? Were you ignoring each other totally? If you love your wife and she truly loves you, and you wnat to work it out, it can be done. You juts have to make sure that this is not a pattern for her. You have to decide for yourself what is right.

Answer 4

Please stay calm and don't make a hasty conclusion.
I know how you feel. But think consider again before you take the next step.
Is there something wrong with her? Hasn't she been under a sever stress or something? Hasn't there been something which has not satisfied your married life from her point of view?
And what about you? Have you been always faithful to her?
Have you been always making your efforts to please and comfort her?

Ask these questions first and try to find out the reason why she did such a thing. Then try to have a long, sincere, frank talk with her. After all, you've been married for some time I suppose. There are always ups and downs in one's life.

Please try to show you are an sophisticated man by handling this matter nicely.

To err is human, to forgive is divine.

Answer 5

Hi there

Sorry to hear about this mate. Best thing to do is go to work explain it to your boss and take a few days off. Find sometime on your own the put things into perspective. Then decide what you are going to do. Its not always as simple as just walking out and leaving your wife if you still love her. And yes people can change and do make mistakes. Only you will know if your wife has made a mistake or if shes a player. You need to get rid if shes a player. she will never change.

All the best buddy

Regards

idai

Answer 6

It depends if you really want to stay with her or not. i found out in jan that my wife had and affair, it felt like my whole world fell apart. but we have kids and deep down although i was angry i knew i still loved my wife. i put myself in her shoes and looked at the reasons she may have had an affair, and although it doesn't excuse it or make it better, it at least gives you a little bit of understanding. i also went to counsellling by myself which helped, and we did some relationship counselling.
i know it's depressing and you feel as though your world has collapsed, and it feels like it will stay hard forever, but time is a healer, and all i can say is i'm glad i stayed as what we have now is getting there and we are both making the effort and i still love my wife and family.
hang in their bro, i know it's hard but if you both want to make it work and you still love each other, then give it a go., if it doesn't work out you can walk away with your head held high knowing you tried.

Answer 7

Been there. I suggest you go the Break Free From the Affair website. It has a lot of information that can help you understand why the affair happened and how to handle it. Take care...

Answer 8

Brother, I believe I understand as several years ago, I was in your shoes.

The first thing to do is try to stay calm. You will survive, regardless the outcome of your marriage.

You don't need to do anything today, nor would it be in your best interests to act while you are potentially lashing out due to your pain.

You need to ensure the safety of any kids you have as well as yourself. Do that first.

Affairs are abusive behavior, and you need to ensure your children are protected from witnessing this behavior.

If you are still in the marital home, do not leave the home. If you have left, return. You need to be there for your children. (I'll write as if you have children, if not then things are much easier.) There is no reason for you to leave. If she wants to leave, you cannot stop her, but you can make the case that the children should stay in the home where they were raised, so if she wants to leave, she is free to go, and you will raise them here, and she can have visitation.

You certainly do not need to decide anything today.

Don't panic, and protect your children.

Answer 9

Get rid of her, or forgive her and learn to forget, it won't be easy, but if you think that you can try and trust her again, then what have you got to lose, if you decide to stay with her, get your ground rules set, let her know that you wont ever forgive her again! look at the reasons why this happened, talk and see if you can sort it out, you never know it might actually bring you closer in a funny kinda way, she might have realised that she could lose you,!!

Good luck mate, you got some heart rendering stuff ahead!!!1

Answer 10

Listen you need to leave her. And I'll tell you why. Every time you look at her your going to remember what she did. When she goes out without you, no matter where she's going, you're going to second guess her every move. The trust has been broken and no matter how hard you'll try to forget about it, you won't. If you do choose to stay with her, in time you might be able to forgive, but you will never be able to forget.