I am so sad, but don't know a way to deal with it....?

Question

I am feeling so bad because first off I hurt someone's feelings (not on purpose), I am dealing with a father who was in jail and seems to come around and lie to me saying he wants me but then he says "Well, you dont have to tell anyone that I am your father, you dont even have to reconigze me." but the bad thing is I want him around, the last thing is this guy at church is making me feel uncomfortable by being too touchy feely to me and he is nineteen and being scared to tell anyone about it.

I am writing a story about these to homeless people and their father dies in the first chapter, I dont know if it's helping me deal with what's going on but it certain is making me even more sad.


What should I do?

He was in jail, he is out now

I'm a little confused, is it possible he's saying you don't have to let anyone know he's your dad not because he's ashamed of you, but because he's ashamed of himself?-I dont know, I rarely see him; when he is 'taking care of me' he is always hidden like one time he saw me at the library and was looking after me like I was under surviellance, didnt even say hi or anything to me....I dont mind that he is an ex-con that was then , this is now and now I could care less about that because he has changed (from what I see)

Like, that he wants you to know it's okay if you don't want to parade him in front of your friends, seeing as he's an ex-con?

He said anyone, even if he is in the school's office, I shouldnt reconigze him to anyone as my father...

Answer 1

1- say sry to the person that u have hurted the feelings
2-let ur daddy knows how ur feeling, that u want him around and he is hurting u by telling u not to tell any1 that he is ur father.
3- tell some1(ur mom perhaps) that the guy from church is bn 2touchy and close to u(if ur a minor)and open up ur mouth honey..tell the guy from church to BACK off or ull tell some1 what he is doing.
good luck GOD bless.

Answer 2

1. Apologize to your friend. Whether you hurt them on purpose or not, it will help you to feel better. Plus, it's just the right thing to do.

2. The situation with the dad is tough. I think probably the best thing would be to consider any relationship with him to be a "bonus", meaning don't expect a lot out of it. That way, if you dont' get much out of it, you are getting just about what you expected. If you get more, that's great.

That's easier said than done, though. I'm a little confused, is it possible he's saying you don't have to let anyone know he's your dad not because he's ashamed of you, but because he's ashamed of himself? Like, that he wants you to know it's okay if you don't want to parade him in front of your friends, seeing as he's an ex-con?

3. The guy's an idiot. Tell him clearly that it bothered you, and if it happens again, you will tell someone. If it happens again, tell someone.

If he's done anything actually illegal (purposely touched you or did things that you weren't comfortable with), tell someone now.


With the story, I think that's fine, as long as the extra sadness is cathartic (helps you express what's going on with you.) If you are just obsessing over it and getting yourself more upset, I would say you probably need to set it down and maybe come back to it later, when you aren't already down.

Good luck!

Answer 3

You didn't really state who's feelings you hurt. If it's your Father and you said something hurtful, perhaps you meant it but said it in a wrong way. Parents should never take the words of their own child serious, it's how they felt in the moment and for the most part don't feel that way entirely. Apologize to clear the air.
Your Father says such things only because he is embarrassed of what's he's done and does not want to hurt you anymore. Tell him that you want him in your life and although he chose the wrong path, you know that he'll make the best out of it, for you. Offer suggestions and make him understand what you need from him, he is your Father and everyone makes mistakes. I hope he'll do anything to make things right for you and that you'll feel proud of who he has become despite the rocky start.
The touchy feel guy should be told to stop by you or you will tell someone about it. No one has the right to touch you and if it continues tell someone about it, put a stop to it before it gets worse.

Answer 4

First off, tell someone that the guy at church is too touchy feely. No one should make you feel uncomfortable ever. Tell him to back off, or just steer clear of him for a while.

You will hurt peoples feelings many times in your life unintentionally. You need to apologize and try and make that person understand that you didn't mean for it to hurt. Write a letter or send a card. You need to say sorry.

As for your dad..if you want a relationship with him, ask him to do some things with you..take u to a movie, out for dinner, or just for a walk and talk. Spend quality time doing things that other kids do with their dads. Ask him to take u bowling. Tell him you want to spend time with him..and that you love him. I'm sure he's feeling a little insecure about the whole situation. I bet he's just as uncomfortable as you are.

Good luck, honey. Try to keep your chin up high. Life sucks sometimes but you just have to find a way to deal and move on. Everything will work out fine in the end. Take care of yourself!

Answer 5

Honestly, you have a lot going on and you probably need to talk to someone about it. The decisions you make now and the things you experience now will affect your life for years to come. Please go talk to a counselor or other trusted adult. To deal with your dad's manipulation, you need some long-term counseling. To deal with the touchy-feely guy, there's a couple of things you could do: (1) tell the guy to get lost (2) talk to your preacher. If you feel uncomfortable approaching the 19 year old (or are scared) please go to a trusted adult at church. If he is making you uncomfortable, he could be doing it to others too.

As far as making someone's feelings hurt, we all make mistakes. If you have not apologized yet, do so - it is the grown-up thing to do. If you have apologized, you just have to deal with it. Try writing about the actual things happening in your life (in a private notebook) and see if that helps alleviate some of the pressure. Hang in there!!! You are worth it!!! :)

Answer 6

Okay, I was sexually abused, so I urge you to tell someone about this guy at church. Second of all, I think that you need to let your dad make the moves towards being a part of your life, I know that it is hard wanting a father but if he never takes the steps, you are better off to let that one go. Where is your mom in all this, is she supportive of you? Is there anyone you can talk to. Try talking to God, he will never leave you. Writing the story is a creative outlet for helping you cope.

Answer 7

I would suggest seeing a therapist. Most insurances will cover it, and if they won't there are a lot of free or reduced cost options. I waited to do this until I was 18 so that I didn't have to tell my parents, but 1) I'm not sure that was necessary and 2) it wasn't worth the wait. However, even though I waited, seeing the therapist helped me tremendously. I would recommend it to anyone, and you should definitely see what you can do. Good luck!

Answer 8

First off, if you hurt someone's feeling unintentionally, then simply apologize to them and explain that you didn't mean to hurt them. Everyone does stupid things and says stupid things, so just b/c you hurt one person doesn't mean that you're horrible. Sometimes things fly out of our mouth faster than we intend and we don't get a chance to sugar-coat it before it's said resulting in hurt.

Your father's reaction to you sounds like he's ashamed of himself. He's in jail and probably feels that you're embarrassed by him or ashamed of him, so he's telling you that you don't have to acknowledge the fact that he's your father to other people so you're not embarrassed b/c of him. Being in jail, that's his only real way right now to protect you and doesn't want to see you hurt or teased by other b/c of HIS bad choices that landed him in jail in the 1st place. That decision is up to you as to how you introduce him to your friends or aquaintances. He'll always be your father no matter what and you can love him openly if you so choose. He's just trying to sheild you from the pain and anguish that others may cause b/c you have a father in prison. Since you want him in your life, reassure him that he is your father and even tho' he made a mistake that caused him to serve time, you're proud to just be his daughter.

About the 19 yr old. If you're under 18, then you need to tell an adult about this guy's behavior. If you've told him that you're not comfortable w/ his touchiness, then report him to an adult that you trust. It could be your parent/guardian or teacher at school, or a clergy member or even the police. You have that right to not be touched in a way that you don't feel comfortable w/, so he needs to be reported to the proper authorities. It's YOUR body, not his! Take control and get this jerk away from you! Don't be scared! Who cares if he gets mad at you? He'll just be mad b/c he was caught! God only knows how many other girls this jerk is doing this to and they're probably just as scared to tell on him!

As far as your story, if that's the way you want to express your inner feelings, then do it! I usually write letters to those that upset me, but never send them. It gets out my feelings and I'm able to look back at what I wrote and deal w/ them accordingly. Creativity is nothing to be ashamed of!

Answer 9

Well first of all your father will always be your father no matter what he created you...But a father is the one that's always around not the one who just makes you...But I personally think that if your father feels sorry and wants another chance you should give it to him everyone should deserve a second chance i mean you won't take him right away like a father take the time to get to know him let him get to know you too...And if you want your father around...Let him be around...Just do what your heart tells you to do...And please don't let that perverted dude do things you don't want him to do okkk....That's not good at all...He just wants to take advantage of the situation and get something out of it don't let him do that okkk....Well hope that everything turns out okk with your father and that soon you will have a great relationship with him....and if things don't turn out good! i mean you'll always have your mother that's always been your father as well...Good Luck!!!

Answer 10

I f you want your dad around tell him. talk to him and try t fix everything. i nknow that have your dad isn't easy but remember that you weren't the first to have him in jail. I put my dad in jail for molestation towards my lil brothers. that s a father that you do't want around. Also tell someone about the guy that is touching you. or call the cop he could be put in jail more if ur underage. Don't be scared you will be protected. take care and hope everything gets better with your dad