Is it contradictory to be giving and polite, but private? Do you prefer to do things for others without fuss?

Question

When you notice new employees at work, new neighbors, or just strangers such as postal man, etc, does it make you happy to greet the person, and provide a welcoming gift or thank you card, but at the same time you hope that person doesn't take that as an invitation to visit often or invade too much of your space? Is that wrong?

I LOVE giving and seeing a smile on the face of others, but I truly value my privacy, so I prefer to give quietly expecting nothing in return, and DO NOT like when a fuss is made after I've done something nice. A few times I've intentionally not done anything to avoid the extra attention, and that doesn't leave me with a good feeling.

Is there anyway to give, while gently expressing you would prefer nothing more without seeming aloof, or do you feel this is unfair or hypocritical of me? Looking for honest answers, even if it's not what I want to hear.

I also like to give of my time, but don't want the person to feel an obligation to over socialize while I'm doing something for them, or make a fuss the entire time I'm at their home, business, etc providing my services.

Answer 1

I am the same way...always give my new neighbors a candle as a house warming...but other than just saying "hi" when you see them, having a brief conversation when you run into the at the grocery, laundry mat, etc...am not really expecting them to make me their best friend. It's ok to knock on my door and ask for a cup of sugar, just don't ask me to make you a cup of coffee and expect me to sit down and look thru your recipes with you and help you decide what to make...

Lives today are very busy. I Think what you feel is perfectly normal. So long as you aren't with the attitude of "here, now go away and leave me alone"...you should be ok.

Answer 2

gosh no, you aren't being unfair or hypocritical at all. in fact i feel the same way for the most part.
i like to welcome people to the neighbourhood with a little basket of baked goods, or the office with a coffee and muffin. i like to chat for a moment or two with the postie, or the grocery clerk, i like to be friendly. end of story. i like my privacy, i like my space, and while it took some time ....my friends finally figured me out! even with my closest friends i am a bit distant/aloof.
when i do a favour or a kindness for someone new i don't want a fuss made, and most times when they start their thanks i just say no worries and move the conversation to another direction. or simply make my excuses and wander off. eventually they will get the idea.
if they don't - i have even, on occasion had someone else intercede on my behalf.
people tend to think of me as a little eccentric and i don't mind that at all. they respect my wishes and accept my friendly demeanour without demanding more.
i wish you the same.
peace.

Answer 3

Yes. Absolutely.
Some people (like us) don't want to make a show out of every act of kindness.
Actually, that's the way it should be.

Answer 4

I feel exactly the same way. I have had the same experiences that you describe. I still have no answer to this dilemma.

Answer 5

Absolutely. When you can do something for someone and they don't know it?
I love it. I don't want anyone to know when I do something for them because it
spoils all the fun. I'm with you!!

Answer 6

I give a welcome greeting to a new coworker or new neighbor. If it's near a grocery store, I will get cookies.

Answer 7

I agree with you and feel the same way..
I do not find it contradictory..
Pleasure is in the giving, not the thanks from the recipient...

Answer 8

im the same way