I have been together with my b/f for nearly 18 months. In this time he has never initiated sex or never kissed me pasionatley, he finds the female form 'ugly' however he loves the femininity of a woman. (Women in naughty undies esspecially) he never gets 'physically excited' when I kiss him, when I dress infront of him, and even when I am trying to please him it takes a while before he is aroused. We have a great friendship, however he has been acting strange of late. I have seen many searches he has been doing on the pc of shemales and contacts and agencys, when I confronted him he said that he was just curious. He says he has a problem with sex and said that his first experience scarred him, and that it didnt feel right and that he was uncomfortable. He said he never got over it, and that he thinks that is why subconciously he cant enjoy sex. Also that he cannot switch off. I can count on one hand how many times I have satisfied him during sex. please help me......
2007-03-13 06:33:42 · 24 answers · asked by anon9mus 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
well go ask ur bf why are you askin me lol
2007-03-13 06:36:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
I'm not comfortable diagnosiing him as gay-- there are other issues at play. I think you need to decide how much you want ot invest in him if 1) he is willing to see someone to start processing his head, or 2) if he is not willing.
I can't see commiting to a relationship which I know is never going to be right sexually, especially when the reason is that someone wont do the work to get well.
At the end of the day he may be gay, or bi, or straight-- hard to tell until he addresses these other things.
2007-03-13 07:07:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have given a lot of reasons that sound to me like he just might be gay. But it really isn't fair to judge him gay without having a talk with him is it? You wouldn't want him to judge you without talking.
So it is time for yet ANOTHER sit down and talk time with the old bf. You actually sound like you would be reasonable and understanding if he were gay or bi - if I am right about that part tell him that right up front. Then say now I am being honest with you can you give me the same respect.
Say to him you want him to search his heart, his feeling and be honest with you. Say, "Is there a part of you that is questioning your sexual identity?" Take small steps in discussing this issue.
However, be ready for his answers no matter what they might be...and do your best to stay kind and supportive.
2007-03-13 06:41:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds suspiciously like me might be. A thought . . . get a piece of paper and have one column marked " gay ", the other column marked " likes girls ". Then list in the gay column a list of what you wrote here. The other column marked "likes girls" do the same and make a list of what he has said or done that indicates to you his expressed interest in you or other girls.
When done...take a look at that list. That should be more of a clue in for you.
If it is revealed that he is gay...Then release and encourage him to discover his true self...whether he is gay or not. No anger or judgments necessary...just allow a person to live true to their ownselfs.
If you suspect...Maybe have a calm talk with him stating you have something delicate to ask him. Then ask "Do you have an interest in men ? Don't ask "Are you gay?" That is too harsh...ask more delicately. Some conversations are not pleasant to have...yet communication is very important.
.
2007-03-13 06:44:27 · answer #4 · answered by onelight 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should cease all attempts at sexual behavior with him because it puts stress on a relationship, and I'm assuming you guys have a great emotional relationship.
You should stick with him through this though. I would suggest counseling. I know it has to be hard to be with someone like this, but he needs you to be there for him, especially now.
Just be patient, open minded, and willing to help....
I don't really think he's gay, but there may be some underlying issues with gender dysphoria, or intimacy.......
Try to get a counselor to help him uncover the problem and go about mending it....
2007-03-13 08:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm... Therapy, lots and lots of therapy. He might not be gay, as you said he had an experience that scarred him. That might be why he looks at females a certain way. He needs to be in counseling. Besides, if he finds the female form ugly why is he with you? You need to respect yourself. Its great that the two of you are friends, maybe thats all you should be, FRIENDS.
2007-03-13 06:56:54 · answer #6 · answered by The One and Only 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like there is a possibility he is.I don't know if he has figured it out himself.Sometimes it can be very difficult trying to figure out ones sexuality.I hope for your sake that he is straight but more than likely theres a great chance your going to get hurt if you love him.I hope everything works out for the best.If not anything else maybe the two of you can be great friends.
I would take things very slow at this point and help him through his feelings.Try to be as supportive as possible.Good luck.
2007-03-13 06:46:42 · answer #7 · answered by kandn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If is his reasoning behind not feeling comfortable with sex and because he had a scarring issue growing up, theres your answear. Maybe he's not an overally sexual person (ive meet several both straight and gay).
Try this: instead of coming on here and asking us you should sit down with him and talk things through.
2007-03-13 06:55:40 · answer #8 · answered by Prometheus Cowboy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmmm sounds like either he is gay or gay curious,maybe he was molested by a man in his family or close to the family as a young adult,also do u find yourself physically attractive?maybe he dosent ? im sure every guy on the net whove searched porn has found a site with shemales, just check the history on the compute to see what he looks at the most,if i want to masturbate i will watch chicks giving head or girls eating out other girls,oral sex is a big turn on for me.was it always like this with the 2 of you and how much time does he spend on the computer,ive been in a rut as to not being affectionate as well but when the g/f takes her close off to go shower it instant hard on for me.i jump in the shower with her and do my thing,im also not so big on the kissing thing probly because im a smoker and she is not so self conciously im thinking my mouth taste like ashtray to her
2007-03-13 06:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by bahummbugg 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
if the whole situation is frustrating you, i'd suggest you ask him flat out if he's gay, no need to go into why you're think he is. if he says he isn't gay, then suggest he contact a therapist. if he refuses, i'd say you should start investing your time looking for a new mate, life is way to short for baggage like this.
2007-03-13 07:37:50 · answer #10 · answered by puzzlite 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He either needs to A) get into therapy, or B) maybe he just is not attracted to you. He may only think of you as a friend and nothing more.
2007-03-13 07:10:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋