dealing with a cheating wife?

Question

me and my wife have had some problems in our 8 year marriage we have 3 kids and about a few months ago my wife cheated on me she was leaving and i asked to her to stay and try to work on our marriage after about a month or so things started to go good i love her and want better for all of us her included i kind of understand why she did it but im having trouble coping with it i need some advise from someone who has gone through it
should i stay or go?

Answer 1

If men dont get a second chance if they cheat, women shouldnt either...dump her a**

Answer 2

I'm so sorry. It's terrible when someone breaks the trust. Of course your having trouble coping with it. Who wouldn't be. Don't let her turn the tables on you. It is not your fault. Even if she thinks she has a valid reason, like you work a lot, never help, etc... My husband is gone all the time and doesn't help around the house. I would never cheat on him. That's not only breaking the promise she made to you, she broke the promise she made to God. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. Just remember the kids hear everything. They are little sponges. Make the best possible life for them.

Answer 3

I have a question for you if you don't mind, you said 8 years of marriage, how and why did your relationship starting to have problems?? Was it because of you or both of you?? There's always a reason why a spouse end up cheating. Yes I do know how your feeling right now, can't cope with the idea that she slept with another man, it burns you inside and it makes you feel angry that you just want to shout or hit something.
I caught my husband having an affair 3 months ago, right before x-mas last year, but we've been married for 22 long years. I've done all the things that a wife needs to do, give my unconditional love, passion, affection, gave him 3 beautiful children and all of a sudden that didn't matter to him because last year I talked to him and I asked why since we got married,how come he never look at me as this person that brighter up his life, he never look at me as me but he sees me as his wife and a mother of his children. Because I love him I set aside my loneliness and emptiness and never complain, thought that it will change, but years pass by and it hadn't till I finally gave up on that.
I'm a strong person and I don't give up easily but I guess waiting for him for so many years finally put me in that place that he will never really see me as a woman that wants to be noticed. So after I told him how I feel, that's when he joined a christian dating site, a married man looking for a friend that can explain what he did wrong towards me,even now I don't understand why he needs to ask a stranger about what he did wrong, but that where it started, he met a woman on that site who's also married and both lied on their profile, affairs comes and when I found out he lied and because of what he did, he ruined my 3 teen agers life and holiday. Trust, respect and my love went away because the betrayal was so painful that I can't even give him another chance even he beg for a second chance. I don't have anything else to give him because he took it away from me.
So if you love your wife and you want to work on it, sit with her, tell her how you feel, the real feeling that you or me is feeling right now, and she needs to know that your trust and respect needs to be earn again and from there see what will happen. Again I do am sorry for what you've been going through!!

Answer 4

To fully deal with it requires a lot of willingness to understand why it happened and make changes to make sure it doesn't happen again. It will not happen overnight and will not happen in a few months, it may take a lot longer. If you accept, deal with it and move past it, without ever looking back at it, you'll be off to a better start. The trust is gone but can be rebuilt, it may just take awhile.
Never go back to the past and let it fester inside, accept it and make the best out of it. The future is unknown and will only get better if you see the relationship in a new light and strive to make the best out of it.
Stay and work through it, you'll be better off in the long run if your both willing to make things right again.

Answer 5

Wow, this is tough. I feel your pain. My wife never cheated on me but we are having real serious issues right now as well. I'm glad you are working on things. I would advise you and your wife to go to a marriage counseller to deal with the pain that she has caused. I've got to know that this is killing you. Who wouldn't. Affairs are usually a result of some other symptom in the marriage. Talking about it with a third party will greatly improve the chances of you working things out with your wife, if that is what you want to do. 3 kids. That is got to be tough on them. Try to stick with it if you want to make things better and of course if your wife is SINCERELY sorry about it and wanting and asking for forgiveness.

Answer 6

so to get past this u have to create a new history with her, but she also has a role to play, she has to understand what she did to u hurt u, and acknowledge she did u a wrong. she has to earn back the trust, and show she has changed her heart. also she has to be willing to never see him again or it won't work. stay if she is remorseful and knows how this hurt u, go if she is unwilling to give him up, or understand that this hurt u. just depends on her attitude about this, she cannot lay all the blame on u because of her poor impulse control. marriages are never perfect, or wonderful all of the time, and loving someone has nothing to do with a feeling u get, that's just lust. but for the sake of the children, she really needs to make it right with u and be remorseful, and keep the blame where it belongs.

Answer 7

You have 3 kids to think of... I would try to work things out. Maybe you and your wife should seek a marriage councilor.

Spend more quality time with her, take her places... I think you two may have to re-romance each other to bring back the magic that was lost. The past is done... nothing you can do about that. The future is what you both can change.

Answer 8

I can't answer whether or not you should stay or go, hon, but I for sure can outline what has happened to your relationship. I don't answer many of these --- just a few of the ones that beg for some enlightment. Here's hoping this helps

I think marriage is respect admiration, passion and trust,---four biggies --- with lots of things added like lovies, kindnesses, communication without rage, and getting one's concerns out there on the table without tromping on the other's ego. With betrayal, there goes the trust --- the lady share her passion with another guy, and for sure that image of her getting pronged by another man has got to be sticking in your mind, along with the old adage of "once a cheater...." And, your feelings of admiration and respect for her now along with the other two are in the toilet, so hon, right now you don't have a marriage.... you are running on fumes, and trying to keep your relationship going on the basis of history.... and it ain't gonna work for long. Any counselor will tell you that it will be two years in counseling before those memories and that feeling of betrayal will go away, and that is no guarantee. If you both wish to save it, you will need help, otherwise, it will erode, and soon, you will have nothing but a convenient housekeeper, and babysitter for your children, and that, hon, to most of us, is unacceptable.

If she, as well as you, wish to same your marriage, get some counseling. You may find that you can indeed forgive her (but you'll never forget) and get on with being a family. And, you may also find that the cut was tooooo deep, and wish to bail. But if you do nothing, mistrust, doubt, and anger at betrayal will just fester, and this will for sure end your marriage. Since you have children together, in your place, I'd ask my primary care physician for a few references to counselors in your area. Hon, don't say you can't afford it--- your marriage will not survive as a loving marriage without it. Your sessions don't have to be daily, or even weekly, but for sure a few early on, then perhaps twice per month.... You need to get those issues out there, and soon....

Good luck, hon..

Answer 9

I was in a six year relationship. About four years into the relationship she cheated on me with someone I trusted with her....He was a good friend of her brother in law..he was 16 years older then her and is a cop....figured it was a good assumtion that he was just a good friend of the family....but just goes to show you anything is possible. I could not get over it so I ended the relationship two years later. However, you have children and you need to think about them first. Will you and your wife be able to offer happy home for them or an angry home. I'd recommend individual counseling for you so you can talk out your thoughts with someone.

Answer 10

If there are signs that she is still doing it I say time to move on. But if things are going well and family life is working then try counseling. This may help coping with her infidelity also with why she did it in the first place. During this time you may find out whether or not you can deal with it and continue to be married. Good luck.

Answer 11

I have not gone through this but I have seen people who went through the same very closely.

The truth is that infidelity breaks confidence which erodes trust and mutuality between the partners. It is this distrust that would eventually pull down the marriage.

The question therefore is, are prepared to continue living with a wife you do not trust? It is a big burden but if you are prepared to bear it, stay but if you are not, do not delude yourself, move out.