How do deadbeat dads face themselves everyday?

Question

I am a single mom to a wonderful 12 year old son. Luckily, even tho I have no education to speak of, I am able to do ok for us w/o any child support or any kind of assistance at all. Being able to do this fills me with pride, and allows me to look at myself in the eye everyday. My question is, how do deadbeat dads get up everyday and feel ok about themselves? Does it even cross their mind that they have a child that they are seriously affecting the life of, and not a good way? Or, do you think they are so self centered nothing else matters?

Answer 1

some of these comments made by people are beyond DOOPID.... child support goes by BOTH parents incomes today... if one parent isnt working, the courts calculate and income for them (at min wage) so the support is lower.

its NOT just the male paying for the kids with both calculated incomes.

look at this way; there are TWO different kinds of parents...

1) those who love, adore and take interest in their children.
2) those who view children as a burden, and thier own needs comes before their children.

some just dont care. and according to the census b, out of all the deadbeats, 80% are men.

YAHOO SUPPORT GROUP
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SingleMomsOnaMission/

DEADBEATS
http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f.htm
http://www.angelfire.com/creep/deadbeatparentssuck/
http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm
www.goodparentspay.com

CHILD SUPPORT CALCULATORS
http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/
http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-calculators.html


LAWS
http://www.divorcehq.com/spprtgroups.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/statebystate.htm
http://www.divorcenet.com/states
http://www.divorcesource.com/
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.divorcecentral.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/unpaid-support/support-orders-enforcement.html
http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
http://www.divorceinanutshell.com/
http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qanda/childsupp.htm
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-laws/state-child-/
http://www.supportguidelines.com/resources.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/links.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/laypersons.html
http://www.supportguidelines.com/articles/news.html
http://family.findlaw.com/child-support/support-basics/
http://www.spiesonline.net/deadbeat.shtml
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html

STATS
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/acesstatistics.html

FINDING DEADBEATS
http://www.wantedposters.com/skiptrace.htm
http://find.intelius.com/search-name.php?ReportType=1&
http://www.discreetdata.com/index.html
http://www.identitycrawler.net/people_search.html
http://www.efindoutthetruth.com/
http://www.peoplefinders.com
http://zabasearch.com/

FED AGENCIES
http://www.ncsea.org/
http://www.nfja.org/index.shtml
http://www.naag.org/issues/issue-consumer.php

REGIONAL FEDERAL CHILD SUPPORT OFFICES
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_regions.html

FACTS AND REGIONAL FEDERAL CS OFFICE INFO
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/fct/fct4.htm
http://www.divorcesource.com/WI/ARTICLES/beaulier11.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/opa/fact_sheets/cse_factsheet.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/index.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/faq.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/passport.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/fop/fop.htm
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/newhire/faq/faq.htm
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/grants/grants_cse.html
http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/index.html
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html
http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.govbenefits.gov/govbenefits_en.portal
http://www.fedstats.gov/qf/
http://www.fedworld.gov/gov-links.html
http://fatherhood.hhs.gov/pfs92/ch3.htm

SSI AND CHILD SUPPORT
http://www.ssa.gov/policy/docs/policybriefs/pb2004-02.html
http://www.ssa.gov/notices/supplemental-security-income/
http://family.findlaw.com/

FIND YOUR STATE REPS
http://www.usa.gov/
http://www.usa.gov/Agencies/State_and_Territories.shtml
http://www.nga.org
http://www.naag.org/attorneys_general.php

CHILD SUPPORT LIEN NETWORK
(some states work with them)
http://www.childsupportliens.com/

COLLECTORS
http://www.supportkids.com/
http://www.supportcollectors.com/faq.php
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/
http://www.deadbeatdadfinders.com/links.html
http://www.childsupport-aces.org/index2.html
http://www.divorcesource.com/info/deadbeat/deadbeat.shtml

TAX INFO
http://www.taxsites.com/index.htm
http://www.divorceinfo.com/taxes.htm
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc354.html
http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html
http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/advocate/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p525/index.html

http://www.fms.treas.gov/faq/offsets_childsupport.html
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p504/ar02.html#d0e563
http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/14/pf/taxes/do_not_miss_tax_breaks/index.htm?postversion=2007021411

REPORT DEADBEATS
WORKING UNDER THE TABLE
(in writing, to your local and federal IRS offices)
http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html
http://www.irs.gov/compliance/enforcement/article/0,,id=106778,00.html

SEX OFFENDERS
http://www.mapsexoffenders.com/
http://www.scanusa.com/
http://www.nsopr.gov/
http://www.familywatchdog.us/Default.asp

Answer 2

It doesn't really mean it's a bad thing that he's growing up without a dad is wrong? And should he do the adult thing and be in his childs life hell yea. But you've proved to yourself that you don't need him and in the end thats what your son will look at. Take it from me I'm 25 yrs. old and my father has never been a part of my life he left my mom before i came out the womb.I met him the first time when i was 13 and that was the only time. But I got over it cause I had my mother and she's the most important thing in my life. The person that's missing out is his dead beat dad,you continue to do what your doing and thats being the best damn mother which is what your doing and doing a damn good job! Keep your head up and continue raising your son and leave the loser behind!!

Answer 3

Most people seem to forget it always takes two, one has to ask themselves why is there so dam much divorce today, adults cry about how bad they have it after a divorce, but they never realize the real looser here, and that's the children they brought into this world, deadbeat dads, and deadbeat mothers (yes we have those to) spend more time trying to settle their own disputes, and the child is left wondering what just happened to his/her world, in my opinion both parties need to be forced to raise those children properly regardless weather they live together or not, our divorce laws are way to lenient when it come to the children because they are the real loosers.

Answer 4

Good for you- you SHOULD be proud!!

I suspect that some of them feel they are being mistreated by the requirement to pay child support. In fact, some of them ARE being mistreated, IMO. But many are willing to play the victim game to avoid paying what they genuinely owe.

Others are so angry at the mothers that their anger is their focus, not the well-being of the kids. They don't want the Ex to have anything, and if that means the kids can't either, so be it. Some guys willl quit jobs to get out of paying their ex-wives child support.

Others truly can't pay. I used to know a guy who brought home $1200 a month. His child support amounted to $800 a month. There's no way for him to live on $400 a month. He lived with his mother and did his best but he could never pay all that was owed. His mom needed help as well and it was a disaster.

And I suspect a great many feel a lot of guilt for not paying but other things keep them from paying... anger, lack of money, whatever.

Answer 5

I have to agree with Fozzie Bear. I think the double-standard is completely unfair. When both parents want the child, the woman almost always gets custody while the man has to pay the bills. If the man is the only one capable of supporting the kids, why can't he have them?

Imagine if you were on the other end. How would you feel about paying the man a large chunk of money so that he could raise your kids?

The system is completely upside-down. If one parent can afford to raise the children, they should get custody. If one parent does not want anything to do with the child, they should be allowed to walk away.

It's up to the adults to make informed decisions. If you have no education and no means of supporting yourself, then you shouldn't have kids.

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Answer 6

I wonder the same things. My mother was in the same position that you are when I was growing up. I dont know how deadbeat dads face themselves everyday. And it takes two to tango, so that whole its a womans problem is bullshit. Also, yes woman do share some responsibilty on picking who they choose to have children with but sometimes you dont know how these guys really are until situations like a baby come along.

Answer 7

I ask myself this every day!I have a 4 year old son who has learning difficulties and his dad just isn`t interested,he`s to wrapped up in the silly girl he left us for.Unlike you at the moment i am on benefits and do feel like another statistic but once my son starts school this year i`m off to colege to try make a decent life for us both!

Answer 8

You should be proud of how well your doing. CONGRAJULATIONSI think they are self-centered and have no concious. There is no way a human being can live knowing that they have a child and not supporting he/she without having second thoughts.

Answer 9

Amen, Fozzie!

Answer 10

Why did you have a kid when you had no way of supporting him? Why are women having sex with men who lack so much character?

Perhaps if everyone kept their pants on or at least used reliable birth control, there wouldn't be such a big problem.

You do realize that it takes two people to make a baby, right?

The situation is completely unbalanced. The woman gets to make all of the decisions - whether or not to have the baby, whether or not to put it up for adoption, and whether or not to even tell the man that he's a father.

All these women want to be treated equally until it comes to procreation. Then they want it to be the 1800's where a woman simply has no way of providing for herself.

Make up your minds. Are you liberated or helpless? You can't have it both ways.

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