when she was 9 my wife walked out onme and i have not seen her since. i am dating ayounger woman, she is 21 and i am 34. since itold my daughter we are getting married she refuses to talk to me andtorn up some books i gave her when she was alittle girl.also, she hangs up the phone when my girlfriend calls. it has been very rough when her mother left and my daughter was allthat kept me sane i wish things could be like they once were.
2007-03-13 05:45:49 · 18 answers · asked by don d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My boyfriends 24 yr old daughter dislikes me immensely and the feeling is mutual. She feels threatened because her dad likes me and I like him and her cash flow is in jeapardy if we hook up. We both make a very good living, and I would never put up with his filthy housewife daughter who has never worked a day in her life and lives off daddy. Sound bitter Huh!
In your case, your daughter is a little young and maybe she feels threatened. Its time you sit down with your daughter and have a heart to heart talk and find out what the issues are in her mind. She might feel threatened and worry about where her spot is. She may need some time to adjust. Find out what it is all about before you bring someone new into her life.
2007-03-13 05:53:06 · answer #1 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand you have the right to have a life. But you didn't say how long you and this 21 yr been dating.I kind of thing you where wrong. You can't wait until she turns 18 to marry this person. Your girlfriend will only be 25yrs old then. And you will be only 38. You both will still be young. And you should know better too. A 21yr step mother to a 14yr teenager, come on now .If you go a head in do this with your daughter attitude I grantee you this 21yr will walk and it's going to be your fault. A 21 yr. old is not going to except a 14yr teenager for a long period of time, a older women like your age "might" because she had more life experience.Your best bet is you live in your home with your daughter and this 21yr bade of yours she live in hers. Your going to make your daughter re-bell really bad if you do this. After your daughter been though with her mom walking out on her and never been seen again you go head in fall in love with a 21yr who is not old enough to handle a 14yr child you want to bring her a child, a 21yr child as a role model, your thinking nuts here. Don't do it. Your going to find yourself in the middle between your daughter and this 21yr old. And all your life's are going to be walking egg shells almost everyday. Do it you'll see. Listen to Dr. Laura C. Schelssinger talk radio show on 640am Mon-Fri 12noon-3pm southern ca time. She talks about family /relationships you need to call her and ask her this question and she has wrote some really good books I think can help you.
2007-03-13 06:25:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now your daughter is on that age of confusion and it didn't help that she does not have a role model growing up. A 14 years old girl do need some balance in her life but what's missing is she doesn't have a mother to look up to. You have done such a good job of raising her since she walk out on both of you. I can not judge your wife what she did what she did, but I am a mother and I know in my heart that it will kill me if I leave one of my kids.
Right now she is very insecure and lost her self esteem, telling her that you will get married to this woman that you learn to love is a big shock to her or to other kids that only have 1 parent. People here will tell you to take your daughter to a councilor, but this is not the answer for both of you, what you need to do is love her more because she knows that she will share her daddy to someone else that she hardly knew. do not be upset with her because it's her that's feeling neglected even though that you show your affection to her.
Give her time to deal with this and with your help as well, do not make her feel bad because she does not understand why you want to marry this woman. Yes maybe after the two of you get married, your attention will be divided, and that's what scare her the most, she feels that she is not the focus of your life anymore, so please don't blame her for this instead love her more and secure her feelings.......I hope that this help!!
2007-03-13 06:12:22 · answer #3 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very tough for your daughter as well since her mother left her. You are the only person that she has in her life. The idea of you getting marry may shocked her at the moment. If this is your NEW girlfriend can you give your daughter some time to get to know your girlfriend before you marrying her. Hope things working out better for you all.
2007-03-13 06:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by Bell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to your daughter. Some kids that are ok with step moms and step dads are the ones that were ok with their parents divorcing. I was ok with it. But, your daughter seems to have irrational feelings with this whole situation. You have to talk to her. And also, what may be making this harder is the fact that the woman you want to marry is 21. Your daughter's young, but even she knows that this age difference is a little cradle-robber-ish, and it might frighten her that this woman is only seven years older than her, rather than twenty. So, what's the only thing you can do? Talk and listen. Listen to her. Why does she feel bad. Listen and listen some more. Then talk to her about it. Involve her in the plans for your wedding. Make her a bridesmaid or maid or honor. If your girlfriend loves your daughter, she will make this happen and be included in the bridal party.
P.S. Don't listen to those people that are telling you to be the Dad and take control. This will only alienate her and make her resent you that she is being yelled at. Unless she's hurting your fiancee, at that point, I would definietly put my foot down. And in this relationship, wife doesn't come first. Both wife and daughter are equal. You have to make them balance
2007-03-13 05:57:54 · answer #5 · answered by nicoleblingy2003 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You want things to be like they were, yet you're putting your daughter on the back burner and acting like you don't know what's wrong. This is why so many children dislike their parents: because their parents are more concerned about themselves than they are about their own kids.
When you take on a 21 year old wife, just who do you think is going to get most of your attention? And who will be left suffering? Your daughter has already lost her mother, and now you're showing her rejection as well. When you were hurting, you had this child to lean on. According to you, she was all that kept you sane. But now that you think you've found happiness, you just "wish things could be like they once were". What a terrible person you are. No wonder your daughter is hurting.
2007-03-13 06:20:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
your daughter doesn't want anyone stealing her dad, making new rules, or changing her life. and she will continue to act this way as long as u let her. is there any specific reason she does not like your girlfriend? have u asked her. does your girlfriend give your daughter attention or does she ignore her. your daughter thinks her life is going to change drastically. they are also very close in age, perhaps get your daughter some therapy and find out why she doesn't like this woman. and after u marry her, it is only going to get worse, if u don't do something about it now. she wants to let this woman know in no uncertain terms that she is not her mom, and never will be. maybe u should live with this woman awhile first to see how she treats your daughter before u marry her.
2007-03-13 06:55:04 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it could be the age difference. I mean the woman is only 21. I think you need to give her time to live her life before settling down. She's probably just moved out and she'll miss out on a lot if she gets settled down right away. Talk to your girlfriend and see if it's what she really wants. And have a talk with your daughter as well. I'm 15 and my mom started dating after my father left. He wasn't right for her, and evryone told her, but she didn't listen. Fianlly they broke up after 3 years and a marriage proposal. So I wasn't happy about my mom alomost getting married, and I was about 13. Talk to both of them to find out what would be best.
2007-03-13 05:51:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why no longer? i do not see no longer some thing incorrect with that. for sure if it wasn't a consistent sleep over at per week end than particular i'd not options that in any respect. i imagine it might want to be very unfair now to not enable my Daughter have her acquaintances over to the homestead for a snooze over. a minimum of at the same time as my Daughter is in the homestead i know she is secure and sound ! And by ability of letting my Daughter's acquaintances have a snooze over at my homestead - i'd be able to work out what type of acquaintances my Daughters hangs round with and get to understand the girls. i'm particular i'd get entangled and lead them to a most suitable large or snack to munch on and then enable them do what they want yet there are limits to do what she needs including her acquaintances in my homestead as she has to you should truthfully respect her dad and mom and a similar is going for her acquaintances too. by ability of ways i do not have a Daughter yet i replaced into basically explaining to you that if i did have a Daughter this can be my regulations.
2016-12-01 22:40:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think the age of this woman *might* have a lot to do with it. When I was a teenager if my father had married a woman who was barely out of her teens, I would have had a problem with it too. AND I wonder if your girlfriend really has a clue what she’s getting herself into. It’s going to be a very difficult situation for everyone involved.
2007-03-13 06:17:47 · answer #10 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋