Do you have realistic expectations in your marriage?

Question

I know that we are human and not perfect. We all make mistakes, but when it comes to our personal happniess. Should It start within first? Or should one look towards their spouse to make them happy?

Answer 1

Yes i agree with you here it should start within you first... A spouse cannot always make us happy and satisfied at all times because this is just on humanley possible. It is good to try to make your spouse happy BUT it is not solely your job to do so.... People choose to be happy in life or not. It definitley starts within yourself if you ask me. JMHO! Yes we should love each other and do our best to make each other happy as best as we know how but we are all human and sometimes we may not know exactly how to always do it. This is where communication comes in handy with each other and talking about things . Unconditional love and acceptance of each other is important as well... I feel it is kinda selfish and unrealistic to think that our spouse has to make us happy at all times no matter what and that it is solely their job to do so. No one can live up to that at all times humanley as no one is perfect so it is not possible 100% of the time.

Answer 2

All I know is that when you both feel love towards each other and show it, by being considerate and kind you really can't go wrong. One being realistic is good as long as the other person knows where there coming from and what they need to experience to be content. We could all have different views on expectations in a marriage so communication is the best source to begin with. I would think before you got married you both sat down and expressed your goals in life with each other. You always should try to make your spouse happy by fulfilling their needs and vice-versa. Remember, it's a two way street loving someone. Cocoa

Answer 3

How can anyone have "realistic expectations" about something as "fairy tale" as a marriage? Why do you suppose so many end in divorce and some even in murder?

You should only depend on yourself for true happiness. You spouse can't know what makes you happy, only what they want you to have...and the same of you about them. If you're a happy person and your spouse is a happy person, chances are you'll be okay. But don't expect anyone else to be in charge of making you happy. That in itself is unrealistic.

Answer 4

You can't make anyone else happy if your not happy.. Like they say in marriage counseling work on yourself then you can work on the marriage.
You have to make sure all your ducks are in a row before you start shooting..
If you are stable in how you feel then it will rub off on your spouse.

Answer 5

Both partners should put the other's welfare first. If they both put each other first then no one feels put upon or taken for granted and that leaves plenty of time and effort to work on themselves because they have a strong foundation in their marriage.

Answer 6

hello....

i'd like to say that, if we have expectations of another person, we are setting ourselves up for a let down!

every individual has their own opinion, and does things their own way. we can't "expect" someone else to behave the way we do!

if a person is married, or intends to get married, these partners should already have discussed life priorities, goals and plans -- if not, they don't "know" each other at all.

yes we make mistakes, all by ourselves... whatever we do, is our own fault -- and if we hurt someone we care about in the process, it's a good idea to talk about it and express our regrets.... when couples ignore issues, they end up carrying around a big, fat bag of crap which turns into a mountain. eventually, there is such a big problem, no one can pinpoint one, particular issue. lack of communication can sour any relationship.

i believe true happiness starts from within. if we are married, we can do things as a couple; however, it's very important to spend time doing things for ourselves -- hobbies and other activities -- without the partner from time to time. i think it's healthy to enjoy ourselves, by ourselves.

just because we are in a relationship, doesn't mean we have to be attached at the hip constantly. that isn't healthy, imo.

finding happiness comes from within myself. i know plenty of miserable people out there who expect others to "fix" them and "make them" happy... but, the only person who can make me do or feel anything is ME.

of course, when someone i care for does something nice for me, i feel happy. and when i have a chance to talk with someone about life issues, it's a relief for ME inside.

Answer 7

I think it should start within first. If you are not happy with yourself then you can't expect someone else to make you that way. But your spouse also should make you happy too!

Answer 8

Please don't look to someone else to make you happy. If you do you will be disappointed for the rest of your life.That's a big burden to put on anyone. To some extent we all do it... hopefully only a small extent. But you must be happy as an individual 1st in order to ever be happy as a couple.

Answer 9

Silliness. Yes, people make mistakes..., and that's why it is important to know the character and attitude of the person before you marry them.

If you marry a crazy person or somebody with no integrity or low self-esteem or somebody who is just generally unpleasant, there's no reason to suspect they will change because YOU want them to change. And BTW, you make yourself happy, not somebody else. Your jobs in a relationship are to be mutually supportive and affectionate while keeping your spouse interested.

Duh. Quantify it. Think about it.

Answer 10

A happy relationship is a balance of both personal desires (expectations) and catering to the other person. Obviously, BOTH people can have fantasies and preferences, so the smart thing is to endulge each other.

You give a little, you get a little.