I am mad at my best friend for not telling me he is gay. We have been close friends for almost 8 years. He admitted his orientation to everyone we know. I had to force it out of him when a few of my friends told me he is gay. I kind of suspected it all along, but I thought he would tell me--eventually. But he did not, and after waiting almost a year I forced it out of him.
I did not tell him that I'm mad because I know it's hard, but am I right to be mad?
2007-03-13 05:34:10 · 11 answers · asked by Roxie 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You have to look at the reason he didn't tell you. Maybe he was afraid that you would turn on him. It happens to us all the time. So we get a little scared about telling the people we care about. Don't be mad at him. He just values your friendship. that's all.
2007-03-13 05:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by ron s 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are correct to be angry, you have a friend that you believed was close enough to you that things as big as being gay wouldnt matter to you. also this person was able to share these details to others and yet seemed to go outa the way of hiding them from you.
the question is as some have pointed out is why this person didnt feel that sharing being gay with you was the better choice. my guess is fear of rejection.
but being angry with a friend isnt wrong at all. the important thing is that being a friend means that the anger will more than likely be replaced soon enough with something better and years from now you'll make fun of this. so be angry . vent a bit. but sit back, use some empathy with an open mind, have a good chuckle and go get a beer with your friend.
2007-03-13 13:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help having an emotional response that your friend didn't confide in you about this important part of his life altho he did confide in others. Your feelings are hurt. You wonder if he really was your best friend since he didn't tell you this. You wonder if maybe he doesn't trust you.
It will take some time to adjust and get used to the idea of his homosexuality, but give it time.
Support your friend. Let him know it hurt you and made you angry that he withheld this info from you, but that he can trust you so if anything like this happens in the future he'll know you're there for him.
Tell him it may take you a while to stop being angry about it.
Think about what in your life might have lead him to have concerns about coming out to you, and maybe talk with him to assure him that it's not a problem for you.
Do you think he's concerned that your relationship will change?
2007-03-13 12:43:29 · answer #3 · answered by Behaviorist 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I can understand that you might be hurt by his reluctance to tell you about his orientation but I don't think it is anything to be mad about. His finally telling you about his orientation shouldn't change the friendship that you had so don't let the fact that he kept the information from you change your friendship either. Your very reaction migh have been a factor in why he didn't want to come out to you earlier.
2007-03-13 14:02:23 · answer #4 · answered by J J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you feel is ever wrong: it's what you do and say that can be wrong. Keep in mind that this is a very frightened man. I don't think you need to feel slighted because he didn't tell you: he was worried about losing you as a friend. If he was that worried though and you "forced it out of him" does he maybe have a reason to be afraid to tell you?
2007-03-13 12:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Emily H 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be mad. He probably didn't tell you because he didn't want to loose your friendship. You don't realize how hard it is to come out. To tell someone that a part of you is something that society sees is wrong is hard. Give him a break.
2007-03-13 12:45:09 · answer #6 · answered by pjonkml 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obviously your opinion of him was very important to him.
Should you be mad at him for not telling you? No.
Should you work harder so that he wouldn't think that something like that would affect your friendship? Yes.
If you are mad at anyone it should be yourself.
2007-03-13 12:53:47 · answer #7 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you have absolutely no right to be mad. be disappointed, fine. and that's understandable, but mad is not.
maybe he just felt like you would not accept him (not his fault) or that you weren't ready to know, or he wasn't ready for you to know.
it's his choice. my friends were disappointed when i didn't tell them for awhile, but i just wasn't ready. it was nothing against them, it was about me.
sit down, have a conversation with him, find out why he waited so long to tell you...but unti then, no, it's not your right to be angry
2007-03-13 14:32:54 · answer #8 · answered by Taken by a Texan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you think you have the right to determine when HE is ready to tell you something? If he wasn't ready then he wasn't ready.
2007-03-13 13:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feelings are your feelings. You aren't wrong or right for them.
2007-03-13 12:39:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋