ok so i got married in september of last year and my husband had promised me that we could stay in my hometown well obviously he lied and because we had just got married i somehow fell into the trap of moving to his hometown which i hate!!! and there is no future for me here and there is nothing here for that matter its a poor community with the the clossest big city an hour away! now im pregnant and didnt get my liscense changed or my liscense plate and im pregnant and have no insurance and need free prenantel care and cant get that here because i dont have all that stuff changed over! i just wanna move home but i cant let my husband drive over and hour a day back and forth to work and he loves his job so i dont want him to quit! but the best help for me and the baby is back in my hometown where i can get great medical help and actually find a job where i make more than minnimum wage! what should i do?
2007-03-13 05:25:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Talk to him and let him know YOUR problems. Besides your problems are his to. It's not your fault that he lied to you. Besides you are thinking only of what he wants, but what about you? Your needs? Specially the baby. You need to think for the baby now not for him. So if your hometown is best for the baby's health I say go for it. He has to think for the well being of the baby also not if he likes his job or not.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-03-13 06:08:11 · answer #1 · answered by PiZzA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for you hon. You should have thought ahead. Marriages that are not solid, and now you about to have a kid, are real roller coaster rides in emotions. And it ain't gunna get no betta, because you are sealing your fate in depending on someone else for your financial stability. Further you are in a place you hate..... about the worst of all possible worlds, I think you will agree, as your question attests....
What should you do? I don't know what YOU are going to do, but I know what I would do. First, I'd get a saline abortion. I don't have a problem with that in a early pregnancy.... it is just a clump of parasitic cells called a zygote... and two weeks of a little sadness is far better than 20 years of resentment in bearing a child I couldn't properly care for... but then that is another issue, and if you need some help with that, write. Then, I'd get back in school, and get my life on track. Then I'd do what my mom told me a zillion years. See how this fits:
1. The most important decision that you will ever make is who you marry. Choose wisely.
2. Don't have any children early in your marriage. Kids can destroy anything...they are divisive, not bonding. Realize that. You and he will go from the stud/babe to dad/housewife. And that's tough... roles for which you are not prepared, and which may destroy your new relationship. And don't have children you yourself cannot support alone in a fashion you wish.
3. Finish your education and qualify for a good paying job. Marriage is not a life-long meal ticket. It is likely you will work sometime during your marriage...maybe for decades. Get paid for it.
4. Have a stash of cash that no one knows about... even if you think you will never need it. You will, and the more the better.
Thank you mom for that conversation soooo many years ago. I will always love you for that, and my life is spectacular because of it. Without you, and without your good advise, I have no idea where my life might have ended up... probably making stupid dead end errors...
Good luck, hon.
2007-03-13 06:06:07 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all, you're pregnant, so the frustrated part is normal...
Second of all, your husband might not have lied to you, so knock that off....it sounds like he lives near where he works....
I live in a small town, an hour from the city, and I absolutely love it.....
If you don't have your paperwork changed over after getting married in September, thats your fault....no one elses.....but it shouldn't have anything to do with your drivers license.
There is no reason why your husband can't take you to your appointments, if necessary, even if you have to go to the city.
Also, living in a small community will afford you the opportunity to stay at home and be a mother to your child. That is what is best for you and your baby.....
2007-03-13 05:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by salemgirl1972 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You and your husband better sit down and do some discussing about this. If you love your husband and his work is here, you should be supporting him, not thinking about moving out with his baby. What were you thinking when you decided to become pregnant? It sounds as though your are more in love with your home town, than him. This is a sad situation! All I can say is you married him so you better make the best of this. Your bringing a new life into the picture so you should think about this baby. It shouldn't matter where you live when you love your husband. Get your priorities straight! Cocoa
2007-03-13 05:38:12 · answer #4 · answered by cocoa 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
talk to ur husband and explain your concerns and life and love, creating a family and raising a family is all about sacrifice and responsability. if moving back to your hometown for now is what works for you and your baby, than thats what you do, it might sound selfish but worry about your baby and tell you husband he needs to the same....if he needs to drive an hour to get to work he wont be the only one doing that so dont feel so bad, but you should be where there is future and estable help for you and your baby, good luck and congrats on your new baby!!
2007-03-13 05:37:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, I got married less then 2 years ago and he has changed so much that it's like I don't know him. I can't give advise because I'm also frustrated. At least in my case we had lived together for along time before marriage and since our daughter will be an adult this summer I can walk away and not feel guilty. I'm sorry it hasn't been easy for you. I wish you the the best and hope you can find a way to work it out without you feeling you gave up alot.
2007-03-13 05:36:00 · answer #6 · answered by BarbaraJean 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off, congratulations on you upcoming baby. I'm very happy for you. You do need to talk to your husband about your needs as a new mother and make him understand the medical issues of good prenatel care. When my wife had our first, she developed spotting in the early weeks and had to be rushed to the hospital. Luckily the baby was o.k. I don't know your situation but if you talk to him like your doing here, I've got to believe that you and he can work it out. Also if he promised something, he needs to be a man and live up to his new commitment to you, his wife, and care for you as your husband. Again, I'm very happy for you and your family that you're going to have a baby. Have faith that everything will be o.k.
2007-03-13 05:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by prouddaddy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, these are all things that should have been talked about and decided before you got married. Way to put the cart before the horse.
He lied to you about the same amount as you lied to him. Get over that part now or the rest will not get solved. You agreed to do all of the things that you now don't like the second you said "I do". Now all that is left is to make the best of a bad situation. Talk to him and don't hold anything back, however be prepared for little to change.
You sound young, immature and spoiled. I feel sorry for your husband, those are not good qualities to have in a wife.
2007-03-13 05:38:01 · answer #8 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You have to do what best for yourself and your baby. Maybe just talk to your husband about you staying with your parent during your pregnancy (in term of medical needs)and he can slowly transfer his job or find a close by job. I think your husband is very supportive of your idea, he just worried about his job security at this point.
2007-03-13 05:42:58 · answer #9 · answered by Bell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband..... you emotions are running high.... and both of you don't sound old enough to be married. Why do either of you want to live in your home town?? Maybe it's time to pack your stuff an leave if you really don't want to be there with your husband. Your husband should be little more concerned with your medical needs.
2007-03-13 05:31:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋