OK, this is the situation. I've recently started to have this fantasy about having my wife have sex with another man, or having a threesome. I know some of you might say "that's horrible!" etc, but like a girlfriend told me: "that's your fantasy, and it is almost like any person's fantasy, that's it."
Now the question is that, when I gave my wife a clue about that [ I thought she'd be upset, but she wasn't; lucky me ;) ], she said , "I don't think that'd be a good idea." When I asked her why, she said "it's easy for a woman to fall in love with a man by having sex."
This made me feel confused. I know women are more emotional, but sex provides physical pleasure, right? Someone told me "we woman try to make a deep connection with our man when having sex, it's like a very personal connection."
Now I don't understand, when women masturbate, and use a dildo. They're not trying to "make a connection" with the dildo, right? Women also have physical needs. What am I missing?
2007-03-13 04:15:53 · 14 answers · asked by Forastero 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Women find it hard to seperate mental and physical connection. We bond easily with a man who makes us feel secure, beautiful and loved. I can see how it would be very confusing for her; it certainly wouldn't be like you are imagining it.
That's why it's called a fantasy; It should stay that way!
2007-03-13 05:04:54 · answer #1 · answered by mzindica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women and men are very different about that, so do not try to compare them like that. Men can do sex without any emotional connections and women usually do.
Then dildo and real man are not the same. No woman will try to make an emotional connection with dildo, but with a real man, things are very different. There are touches, visuals, eyes contacts, pleasure, comparing with others men, especially with the husband...
If she told you that she might fall in love with a man by having sex, it's probably true. So think before doing anything like that. You might risking to loose your sexual connection with your wife.
2007-03-13 05:21:40 · answer #2 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, a fantasy is a fantasy and that is what makes it so exciting. There are many many women who do not make an "emotional" connection with the man she is having sex with, it is strictly for pleasure just like many men do. And any normal woman does not make an emotional connection with her dildo!
2007-03-13 09:23:43 · answer #3 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK boy, your wife is 90% right, most women fall in love or like the person they usually sleep with, women can't have sex with people they don't have at-least a little feelings for, except a slut that you pick up in a street. And if the third girl really likes the sex, she might keep coming back for more and that will definitely upset your wife. And for the part that you said about getting connected she is right also women listen to their men feeling with sex, the way you touch her say stuff to her and kiss her when making love to her prove a lot of things that you Don't know, women review stuff that you do to them to point out how much you care about them.
2007-03-13 05:19:18 · answer #4 · answered by Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is right. Women don't have sex for physical pleasure but for intimacy and emotional attachment. If she doesn't have a bond with the mate, more than likely she won;t have any pleasure at all, and if she does, she might be developing a emtional bond with him, which ultimately will ruin your marriage.
Having a fantasy is very healthy and is awesome that you wife was not offended by your request.
My advice to you is to start slow. Maybe you can have someone to watch you make love, the other person may masturbate if they wish but with no involment on their part. So there is no emotionos involved and no fear of std;s and such. If you start slow, she may like the new found excitment and maybe go for more.
You can try to joing a swingers club and you both can go and watch if that is for you.
I hope this helps.
Good luck
2007-03-13 05:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Touchy subject, women at a young age usually equate sex with love, men do not. As a woman ages, she realizes you can have sex without love and vice versa. Sex is just sex for men, if they can have love with it great-bonus! Now on that note your wife is being honest with you, women usually have to have a certain connection with a man to have sex with him--and your fantasy is not bad or wrong--it's yours. And yes women have physical needs, a dildo is an inanimate object women know this--no connection needed. And unless you
ever become a woman, it is very hard to explain how we feel about sex/love, just as it would probably be very difficult for you to explain how it work with you guys. And it varies from person to person. Good Luck.
2007-03-13 05:15:23 · answer #6 · answered by Queen-o-the-Damned 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m not a woman, but let me tell you some things.
I’ve been with my wife for almost 10 years. I have had some fantasies about a threesome with another girl, and also about watching her with a girl, and sometimes with a guy too. That fantasy is coming more from her, but sometimes it excites me as well. We do talk openly about our fantasies and we are ok with them.
She doesn’t want to try the threesome, she thinks is weird, and I know she is afraid. But I also know that if done right, she would probably have lots of fun, no matter if with a woman or another guy.
But they are all fantasies. We agree that bringing a real person into our bed is difficult because of STD, and because of many morel things, and we would have to agree who that person would be. It is not easy if you are not up to it.
And then it comes the problem with emotions. People usually say it could ruin your relation. I honestly think is a bunch of BS. If the relation is strong (mine is very strong with no doubts from both of us), there is no reason to be afraid of emotions. The key is to know what you want and to differentiate sexual pleasure and love.
Now, I see your wife might have a problem with those concepts. If she claims she can fall in love from sex, then she has a big problem. That should be one of the last things to think about when falling in love.
Love is to care, and do as many sacrifices for your significant other without asking or expecting anything in return. Is love is mutual, you have real love in the relation. Understanding comes right after it, and lots of communication. That is the key to a real good and healthy relation.
To kiss or to have sex is just the same when it comes to love, at the end they are just ways to show your love. And you can prove it: if you and your lover are making love, real love, then you two will more likely be doing it facing each other, kissing (no matter who is on top, still, no funky sexual position).
Now, if you want to have fun, then you start doing all those other positions, like doggy, oral (and 69), anal, etc, etc. but that is a mix of love, and the benefit of sexual pleasure. My Wife and I know it, and we even call it “lets have sex”. We know we are going for a “roller coaster ride”… LOL… But if we make love, it can last for hours, and is done slow, and with lots of emotions.
Obviously, your wife is not ready at all to introduce another person in your bed, and you should straight out what is going on in her head first. In fact, I wouldn’t think of bringing anybody in for awhile, if ever if she told you that.
Sexual pleasure can be found with almost anybody, but love is a complete different thing.
Good luck.
2007-03-13 05:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by Dan D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really aren't missing anything. Women think on an emotional level whereas men think on a physical level. It's just the way we're all wired. If she's having sex with her spouse/signifcant other, it's a very intimate contact with him and it should also be so with men. Women obviously "don't connect" when it comes to toys and they aren't looking too. It is what it is; no deep and special meaning.
2007-03-13 05:08:24 · answer #8 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife may not actually fall "in love" with the guy, but if the sex is really good that she may keep lusting for him and he may stay on her mind. Men do this too other wise they wouldn't keep calling us for more. They may not love us but they love the sex. It's just that when a woman can feel satisfied by a man we sometimes get confused with love and lust and emotions get in the way and cloud our judgment. Some men can detach emotionally and some women can too. But maybe she is not the type that can detach.
2007-03-13 05:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you are missing is they are two separate things to a man but are very connected to each other for a woman. A woman has to make a connection to the male partner, in order for her to have sex, its personal. A man thinks its just sex without the emotion. Take care Heather
2007-03-13 05:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋